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Thread: Husbandís New Friendship

  1. #11
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Make an appointment with a therapist for yourself. Get some objective professional advice about your husband's antics.After discussing some of the things that are becoming issues, ask your husband to join you

    This is not this woman's fault...it's your husband's. Keep the focus on that not what she is doing. . In the meantime pull way back from all this. Let him start doing a lot more for himself. It doesn't matter what this woman is doing. Your husband obviously invites it and is completely disregarding your feelings about it.
    I am sorry, Wiseman, but it definitely is this woman's fault. Actually, they are both at fault: her, because of her lack of boundaries; and him, because he is brushing this texting situation to the side thus disregarding his wife's valid concerns. A married man should not be carrying on like a teenager, and neither should this disrespectful woman. At the very least, she's not married but that doesn't give her a license to text him every day!!!

  2. #12
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    Ugh... I'm sorry this is happening. It is wrong for her to text like this and hide behind friendship. I have close friends of the opposite sex and I never text them early morning hellos, pics of my bed! Ew!

    Her intentions are not good. And I have been in your shoes, not wanting to push a bf into another woman's arms. I do believe there's some truth to the advice-- any drama you create, about her, will make hide stuff.

    Looking back on my own similar but not the same (I was just in a exclusive dating relationship, not married) I recognize now, my guy liked the attention from her and the feelings I had of jealousy. And he really owed it to me, to put his foot down.

    With that said, I get what you mean about your hubs being sick of talking about it. But in a way, that is unfair, too, bc he's making it something that can't be discussed anymore. Which is not how partnerships work.

    I think you need to.pick your time wisely to discuss this. You desrve to be heard and have your feelings considered. If he feels awkward talking to this woman and plainly stating, please stop etc, then

    Ask him what he wants you to do about this, because a blind eye is not an option. because he is basically asking his PREGNANT wife be uncomfortable, at the comfort of a new school friend... not a family member or boss or colleague or someone that based on the situation you need to exist in the same world....

    It's not right for him to allow this to happen. A spouse is your chosen partner in life. It's cool to have friends of the opposite sex, but not one that makes your spouse question things. Thats the line.... You are a team, together...

    Edited to add: I agree with Wiseman to stop doing things for your hubs. show your discomfort. don't act like nothing is wrong. be slighted, annoyed, offended.... he owes you better.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    Hanging out one-on-one with her looks like a date.

    And yes, the texting everyday is a little too much.

    But I would not worry if she's into him. As long as he's not into her, nothing will happen. It takes two to tango.

    That said, I understand, it makes you jelous.

    You've talked to him about it and he doesn't get it. Get your own text biddy and let him see how it feels, when the shoe is on the other foot. maybe then he'll get it.

    I want to meet her. Is that my next step??
    - that's not a bad idea. Since they are spending time together and talking so much, how come he's not invited her over to the house? Unless someone wants to hide something. I think a little chaperoning would be a good idea.

  4. #14
    Gold Member Betterwithout's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Andrina
    When you give birth and much of your time and attention is divided, with enormous amounts of attention being paid to the child, of course, it may even cause his emotional affair to deepen. You have to nip this in the bud and demand couples counseling if he chooses to continue this inappropriate friendship. If he refuses, go to one yourself to show him the importance of the matter. .
    ^^SOLID advice. It's true, within a month a whole new dynamic happens when the baby arrives and you 2 need to be each other's "rock".

    Time for a heart to heart, this week. Leave the "hormones" out of the discussion and be frank with him that M is making things very uncomfortable for you, and let him know she AND HIM are crossing boundaries beyond friendship with late night calls. Counselling could be a good next step to show that you are concerned enough that you don't want things to escalate.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    Counseling is an option too. Maybe the counselor can explain it to him. But that's if you can get him to go and if it's not too late.

  7. #16
    Thank you. I never wanted to admit that he is getting an ego boost from this but i have to be realistic. Thatís why he talks to her still. Like every time she asks him for advice on little about her plants or her lighting or what to buy for her apartment or what vacuum to buy he most likely likes that sheís seeking his advice and honestly I guess I donít want to see what his side fully is but I know the conversation has to come up at least one more time, especially if I still see their communication is multiple times a day every day regardless of who texts who first. He knows how it makes me feel and I do feel like he is brushing it off because he thinks their friendship is normal when even though itís mundane itís not normal. I need help and I know that.

  8. #17
    You guys are awesome. Thank you so much for all this advice. I need my rock back and I want him to really understand me. When I see the therapist, Iíll ask about having us both go so it will make it more real for him since I do become somewhat hormonal or I try to make jokes about it to lighten the mood and skirt around my true feelings.

  9. #18
    Originally Posted by Lambert
    Ugh... I'm sorry this is happening. It is wrong for her to text like this and hide behind friendship. I have close friends of the opposite sex and I never text them early morning hellos, pics of my bed! Ew!

    Her intentions are not good. And I have been in your shoes, not wanting to push a bf into another woman's arms. I do believe there's some truth to the advice-- any drama you create, about her, will make hide.

    With that said, I get what you mean about your hubs being sick of talking about it. But in a way, that is unfair, too, bc he's making it something that can't be discussed anymore. Which is not how partnerships work.

    I think you need to.pick your time wisely to discuss this. You desrve to be heard and have your feelings considered. If he feels awkward talking to this woman and plainly stating, please stop etc, then

    Ask him what he wants you to do about this, because a blind eye is not an option. because he is basically asking his PREGNANT wife be uncomfortable, at the comfort of a new school friend... not a family member or boss or colleague or someone that based on the situation you need to exist in the same world....

    It's not right for him to allow this to happen. A spouse is your chosen partner in life. It's cool to have friends of the opposite sex, but not one that makes your spouse question things. Thats the line.... You are a team, together...
    I want to quote almost your entire post! Itís all this and this is what I want to tell him. He says he feels embarrassed to say something to he about how I feel. That she is texting him too much. I want him to take that step and let her know becasue I have a right to feel like this. I have every right!

    And youíre right I donít want him to feel like he need to hide it from me to keep me from freaking out again but I still need to discuss this with him. I am giving him some time. I told him yesterday that I feel like she is too used to him talking her every day.

    He needs to ignore her for a day like friends do. Our first talk about it he didnít text her for the whole day and she called him to see if he got her texts. Come on now?? Thatís a relationship thing. If I text him line 8 times with no response when I know he isnít in class or on a train I call. Iím his wife. He hasnít done that since that day because she was talking about a contest through their school and now he thinks heíll miss something like that. Itís so confusing and such a weird situation.

  10. #19
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    The husband is giving her that license by acting like a disrespectful fool. A man with integrity would not entertain nor continue to encourage and receive these texts.
    Originally Posted by goddess
    that doesn't give her a license to text him every day!!!

  11. #20
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    You're right to be concerned, OP.

    She likes him. It's obvious. He knows that. He might not like her back, but he enjoys the attention at least to some extent. The primary problem isn't her, though. It's him. I don't mean to suggest he has nefarious intentions with her, but he also isn't doing enough to protect your marriage. He knows this is making you uncomfortable and yet it continues. That is a problem he has all the power to correct, and thus far, he hasn't done much about it.

    He can distance himself from her without becoming confrontational. It isn't necessary for him to respond to her mundane texts at all, or take her calls, particularly not after school hours or when he's spending time with you. It also likely isn't necessary to call her only when you're out of earshot. Surely if it's just about school, it's nothing that can't be discussed in front of you. See if she takes a hint or gets bored with his relative silence and backs off. If she doesn't, then he does need to be more direct. If he won't, you have a problem that is bigger than it seems.

    Bottom line? She can't really meddle and be a pest if he doesn't allow it.

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