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Unanswered text after four dates, now what?


dmveep

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I recently went on four good dates with a woman. The last two dates ended with sex at my place. I was feeling quite excited about the prospect of dating someone on the regular again. Our last date was Tuesday and I sent her a text on Wednesday night asking if she wanted to go hiking on Saturday afternoon as the weather was supposed to be prefect for it. Anyway, it’s Thursday morning and I still haven’t heard back from her. Interestingly, I had asked her about her texting style last time I saw her and she said she was more of a functional texter to plan things as opposed to someone who likes to chat over texting. We also talked about dating in general and how bad it can suck at times, especially when someone disappears/ghosts.

 

It hasn’t been 24 hours yet but I’m starting to feel disappointed/anxious. I know she is glued to her smart phone like everyone else. What would you do in this situation? Would you text again? How long would you wait? What would you say?

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The reason could span as far as she didn't get the text, or gave you two tries with sex and wasn't pleased, or she is in panic mode that this is a potential relationship. Wide range. Instead of guessing, as Sarah suggested, this is a time to use the phone function of your phone and call.

 

And of course, be sure to not have any tone in your voice such as "You didn't return MY text." Just a casual - "Hey, checking on hiking on Saturday, you may have missed my text." It will give her a chance to say anything she is thinking.

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Very few people call each other anymore and I know she was hanging out with some friends last night and works somewhat long hours.

 

Then why stress? You know she was busy.

 

And "no one calls" is a fear based response. You're afraid she'll say "no". So it's "safer" for you to text.

 

I vote for waiting one more day, then a follow up call. Not another text.

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Then why stress? You know she was busy.

 

And "no one calls" is a fear based response. You're afraid she'll say "no". So it's "safer" for you to text.

 

I vote for waiting one more day, then a follow up call. Not another text.

 

You mean calling tomorrow, Friday?

 

Is there any harm in sending an unrelated, silly text?

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Relax...do not crowd or smother. She already told you that.

The last two dates ended with sex at my place. I sent her a text on Wednesday night asking if she wanted to go hiking on Saturday. she said she was more of a functional texter to plan things as opposed to someone who likes to chat over texting.
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Thanks everyone for your opinions. Yesterday was the first time she didn’t respond to a text during a whole day. I elected to text her this afternoon about a gym promotion I saw that ended today, since we had both been talking about joining different branches of the same gym.

 

It wasn’t maybe the smoothest thing to do. However, if someone is going to stop taking to me for giving them a heads up on something useful, screw them anyway. I feel much better now!

 

Thanks everyone for your opinions! At the end of the day, it’s rough out there and you just go to be yourself and live with the results!

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Thanks everyone for your opinions. Yesterday was the first time she didn’t respond to a text during a whole day. I elected to text her this afternoon about a gym promotion I saw that ended today, since we had both been talking about joining different branches of the same gym.

 

It wasn’t maybe the smoothest thing to do. However, if someone is going to stop taking to me for giving them a heads up on something useful, screw them anyway. I feel much better now!

 

Thanks everyone for your opinions! At the end of the day, it’s rough out there and you just go to be yourself and live with the results!

 

you tried and it didn't need to be smooth... like you said if she doesn't respond, screw her now.... her loss

 

head held high!

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Ok, the plot thickens!

 

She replied back to the text about the gym but made no remark about the hiking invite, what do I do now? Ugh

 

First things first: inhale, exhale. Remind yourself that you have met this person only four times, have no idea where it will all go, and wherever it goes is okay. Then ask yourself what you'd like, and step from that stone with confidence.

 

Sounds like you'd like to see her again. So, let her know that. Whatever she is thinking or feeling is a mystery—that would be the case if she became your wife—but your own thoughts and feelings are not mysterious and probably look something like wanting to go on a hike this weekend.

 

"How's your weekend looking? Feel like a hike on Saturday or Sunday?" Or some such.

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I actually don’t really have time to call her when she is likely to be available today. I am going out for drinks and a movie premier with some friends, so I’ll be tied up between 6-10 pm.

 

Any other suggestions?

 

You slept with her. She deserves a call. Even if you have to leave a message

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I would pick up the phone. cut the crap. say,

 

hi, how's it going? do you want to get together Saturday?

 

just like you would anyone you are making plans with...

 

if you have to leave a message... hang up and text-

 

hi....just called you to see if you wanna go hiking on Saturday like I mentioned. give me call :)

 

if you don't hear back soon after, take the sign. sorry. and don't call or text her again.

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You’re not even giving her time to respond before you freak out and conclude she may not like you: you posted on here “screw her then” and not even an hour later she responded. You’re going to kill any chance, if it’s there, by allowing your fears to create a self fulfilling prophecy of sabotage.

 

Not everyone responds right away. Sometimes life happens or their brains are in different places. Just be direct. If she says no then she says no.

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I honestly think you are charging ahead too quickly emotionally, and she is sensing your over eagerness and is pulling away. She also seems no longer interested.

 

I disagree entirely with the assertion that 'she gave you sex, so spend more, or she deserves...' It's not a bargaining chip. You asked me out, took me out, paid for stuff...here's my panties. Now, pay for more stuff.

 

She has pulled away, so you should pull away too. Get a hold of your eagerness and channel it into something else. There could be a multitude of reasons why she has not responded to that. She might not be interested, and you have to expect that. She could already be dating someone else.

 

She too has the power of communication, and she has chosen not to, to perhaps play harder to get. Don't play.

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