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Thread: Is it worth asking?

  1. #1

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    Is it worth asking?

    There's a girl in my group of friends who I've known for about 10 years, but we've never really been that close.

    Basically she's friends with us because my best friend used to have a crush on her in high school. Nothing ever happened between them bu he was really into her. She only saw him as a friend so she basically became part of our friend group.

    I went to a different high school so only really knew her through him, and only saw her probably once a year when our group of friends go out for a Christmas meal and drinks.

    Long story short one of our friends got married in the middle of last year and me and this girl spent the night talking and dancing. As I said we weren't really close before but after that we started texting and occasionally meeting up for coffee or lunch.

    Then this year when our group of friends went out for Christmas me and the girl in question again spent the whole night talking, shared a bottle of wine etc.

    To the point where some of my friends said: "Is there something going on between you two?"

    There isn't, we haven't done anything, but I'm now wondering if maybe she likes me? Or if I'm just misreading the situation and it's just a friendship thing.

    And also I don't want it to be weird for my best friend.

    He's over her and has been in a relationship for two years but I still think it would be kind of a weird dynamic if me and this girl started dating.

    (If she did like me which I'm not sure she does)

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    Ethically, I think you're fine in asking the girl out, but have a chat with your best friend about how you're thinking of asking her out if you think it'll make you feel better.

    It's always best to take a risk and ask out someone you're interested in, regardless of the outcome. You've spent enough time with her that it won't be weird if you ask her on a date. Since you only see each other once a year, it's not like you would have the awkwardness of seeing her weekly if she says no. If you're a coward and wait too much longer, some other guy will snap her up and you'll kick yourself.

    If there was a guy I had a crush on and he had no interest in me, I'd be okay if a friend of mine dated him. That's life. In fact, it's happened twice to me, but a little different than your story.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    I don't see the harm asking her if you could date her and ask her if she likes you in that way. The worst she can do is decline and say, "No, I only like you as a friend." You won't know until you ask. It's better than guessing all the time.

    It's not weird for your best friend. As you've mentioned, he's over her and has been in a relationship for two years which is a long time.

    It's not a weird dynamic if you and this girl started dating. You don't need to ask your friend's permission nor clear it with him first. Your friend has his own dating life nowadays with another girl which has nothing to do with your interest dating this girl whom you've been associating with.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    You don't have to ask her out if you don't want to. Why not date other girls since you don't seem that interested in her and just seem to run into her a lot..
    Originally Posted by Maldini
    we started texting and occasionally meeting up for coffee or lunch.

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  6. #5
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    The best thing is being honest with her! Just talk! I think it's always great to listen to your heart

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    There is a guy code - bros before hoes. Don't date your friends crush, ever. There are plenty of fish in the sea, no need to do that.

  8. #7

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    Originally Posted by Gary Snyder
    There is a guy code - bros before hoes. Don't date your friends crush, ever. There are plenty of fish in the sea, no need to do that.
    Yeah that's kind of what I thought.


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