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Thread: How to make it as easy as possible

  1. #11
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    "Easy as possible" for who? You or him?

    If you don't want to deal with crying or begging, well that might happen.

    Yes, you will feel bad. But dragging it out for more than a month (after Valentine's Day???) just because you don't want to feel bad is actually worse than just being honest.

    So, be honest. You don't have to be cruel, but you can explain that you don't feel the two of you have a future together and you'd prefer to go your separate ways. No "maybe in the future", no "let's stay 'friends'", just nice and honest and clean. If he gets emotional, be understanding but firm.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Why don't you sit down and talk about it?

    Do you even know if he expects a future bride to live with mom?

    I mean, he takes care of his mom right now, but if he was thinking about marriage, would he make other arrangements? You did not say whether he takes care of his mom by handling the house maintenance and providing companionship or actually taking care of his mom as her caregiver? Thats a big difference. I had a friend who got married and ended up moving her mother to where her new place was out of state, first at an in-law apartment, then into an indpendent living type of place. She still handled mom's finances but didn't live with her - visited but was free to have her job, travel, whatever.

    He could have not really considered changing anything because he did not consider that he would marry.

    On one hand, you knew about mom going into things. On the other hand, would he make changes to marry you?

    I would not try to steer him - i would be honest.
    "if you were to get married someday, what would you expect would happen with your mother - you and your wife would live with her? Or would you make other arrangements for mom?"
    And his answer will tell you. I would also say that you have been thinking and you really have a desire to move elsewhere. If he saw more of a future together, would that work, or not work.
    Would he ever move his mother?

    But honestly, the answer also depends on how he takes care of mom

  3. #13
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2018
    The emerald city
    OP, do I understand correctly that -

    - This is an LDR

    - you get together, possibly regularly, but you want to be together full time

    - there is NO CURRENT PLAN TO REMOVE THE DISTANCE, other than possibly one involving you moving in with his mother, which you will not do

    - you do not want to live in his city (does he?)

    - he has already told you no to children, which is not compatible with your desires.

    Tell him those are the reasons for ending it. He'll be hurt for a while, but eventually he'll think logically about it and realize you were right.

    Other than those specifics, I agree with Boltnrun.

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