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Thread: Can co-sleeping destroy my marriage?

  1. #1
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    Can co-sleeping destroy my marriage?

    I hate that our baby's room is on the second floor, while our bedroom is on the first floor. I planned on our little one being in our room for a least several months. She is only 2 weeks old. So when I mentioned to my husband that I wanted to set up the pack and play in our room (it has a bassinet feature), he said: "How am I supposed to get any sleep when I have to go to work in the morning?". Doesn't he sound ridiculous? I think this situation both harms the child and bombs the family. Can co-sleeping destroy my marriage? What should I do?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    To me co-sleeping is having the child in the same bed with you. I had our first baby in a bassinett in our room for a couple of weeks then she went into her own room. This was all about me, as a new mom I needed to know she was still breathing! Once I settled myself down a bit, I moved her down the hall to her own room. Not a problem.

    I see your husband's point but a 2 wk old baby on another floor in the house would not sit well with me. As to how your husband will sleep, who knows until you try it. I see your side and I see his side.

  3. #3
    Gold Member Betterwithout's Avatar
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    He could be much more supportive than that, but maybe it's a knee jerk reaction response.
    Yes, his and your sleep will be affected with a newborn/toddler. Many couples do set up different sleeping arrangements for their children for the first little bit.
    You both need to come up with a compromise.

    Maybe set up an air mattress type bed in the baby's room for you to attend so he can get his beauty sleep. Then you can attend to the baby easier?
    Do you have a baby monitor for a few nights down the road when you can sleep together with your husband.

    The best advice I received and you've probably already heard a thousand times already is to make time for each other as well. Get a baby sitter and have date nights!! Ultra-important.

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    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    Why is your marriage being ruined the default conclusion? Or for that matter, the baby going from another floor to directly in your room? You seem to be unnecessarily operating in extremes. I empathize with wanting to be near the newborn, but if the man needs sleep, he needs sleep. He has an off day at work from a lack of sleep, he gets fired and your family is out an income. Not to minimize the importance or difficulty, but you have an off day, dishes don't get done or groceries don't get bought.

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    Platinum Member indea08's Avatar
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    I slept in the living room with our newborn for the first 8 weeks. It was easier and more comfortable for me to sit up with her and feed her on the couch, plus I had the light from the Christmas tree to help me see when changing her. That also allowed my husband a full nights sleep before work. Now that Iím preparing to go back to work, baby and I are moving back into our bedroom, where sheíll be next to me in her bassinet. She does wake hubby up once or twice a night, but once I start work as well, heíll be helping with night time feeding.

    If youíre not working yet, which I assume at 2 weeks old youíre likely not, can you sleep with baby separately from your husband just temporarily?

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    I slept on the sofa in our living room with my emily next to me in her moses basket ..no way on this earth was my baby going to be away from me ! End of .

    So for you if you need that ....do it ..

    For your husband ..well he is trying to do a days work and you can't do a days work and wake up every 3 hours for an hour ....well you can but it doesn't make for a very happy life ...so I see his point .

    So the compromise ...you sleep in the babys' room ? He needs to understand though that been a parent means sleepless nights etc etc ... so just for these first weeks try that .

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    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    Wow, really? He's being totally ridiculous. You tell him this is what being a new father is all about...lack of sleep! All parents have to endure this. What the hell was he expect?? Here's a simple solution, he can wear ear plugs, and a night mask. You bring that baby in the room with you guys so you can bond. Geez whiz! At least do it for the first 6 months, then get a baby monitor/camera system for the baby's room.

  9. #8
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    I would never leave a two week old baby on another floor. Co sleeping is having your child in your bed. We co slept for 3 years. Our marriage did ok. I wonít say we werenít exhausted, we were. But my husband realized parents of newborns donít get a lot of sleep.

    My son never slept a full night until he was 7 but he is Autistic and they donít sleep well. Now He is an adult.

    He has to realize his days of sleep are over. He is a parent now work or no work.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Just go to the baby's room and sleep there with her until you are secure in knowing that she is okay however, don't forsake your wifey duties to become only a mommy... That is what will ruin your marriage.

    Frankly, I'd be looking for a new house where you and hubby can be on the same floor as your little one's. Being on different floors would be an issue for me.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    You both would benefit from counselling and parenting classes. There is no right or wrong, just stress from a newborn. Best to get this figured out before you allow your "he's ridiculous" attitude to erode your marriage.

    Contempt is a bad sign. Marriage therapy. Why can't he sleep in another room or you sleep in the newborn's room for a while? Find a decent solution. Get some rest.
    Originally Posted by Bagrich
    She is only 2 weeks old. Doesn't he sound ridiculous? I think this situation both harms the child and bombs the family. Can co-sleeping destroy my marriage?

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