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Thread: Feels like I've finally found love in a very unusual place..

  1. #11
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    Wiseman I do see a therapist and I have nothing to hide as far as being seen in a strip club. The people there are great people just trying to make a living like the rest of us. If that doesn't sit well with your morals than there's nothing much else to be said. I think this is a decent platform amongst complete strangers to voice out my thoughts and actions. So far I have been given fair perspectives to consider.

  2. #12
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    Gary I'm not making you read my posts. If they make you feel uncomfortable or something you can't handle then feel free to not read any of my threads. Gmx49er
    I have had a crazy life, I'm just trying to work it out like most people on here

  3. #13
    Bronze Member Leah33's Avatar
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    "I could totally be her Forest Gump" was the best part. I lost it, lol.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    OP, she's being nicer to you because you're giving her money. I mean, you have to realize that, right?

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Some thoughts about your thoughts:

    What you seem to be most attracted to in this new woman, aside from her looks and energy, is two things. One: that her life is a mess that you can help clean up. Two: that she does not have romantic feelings for you. Romanticizing tragedy, basically. That's different than actual romance.

    Armchair conclusion: investing feelings in her is "safe" since doing so will affirm something you fundamentally believe about yourself—that you are incapable of "getting it right" when it comes to love and romance. The soothing comforts of sabotage.

    Zoom out a bit and it's not so different from falling in love with a celebrity in a magazine: it's loving an idea, more than a person, a story in your own head more than a story you write with and alongside a willing and capable co-author. You get to experience a shade of the sensations people seek from romantic connection—attraction, vulnerability, a whiff of danger, and so forth—but on a stage that isn't quite real, that can't really go anywhere. You get both the reward of being a savior of sorts, or at least feeling like one, and the reward of feeling somehow broken yourself.

    Lots of feelings in exchange for little growth.

    Keep investing in something like this and you can basically ensure that, come 35 or 40 or 45, you'll still be thinking of yourself in the same tragic terms you've outlined above. Is that what you want? I'd ask that question seriously, and seriously answer it. Because there is another path, perhaps a truer and more rewarding one, which begins with some reflection and a conscious attempt to untangle some emotional knots, to get to the root of understanding why you'd rather invest in the impossible than the possible. Demystify that impulse and you leech it of its power.

    You're quite young. You've been an adult only a decade, more or less. If all goes well you'll live four or five more decades—plenty of time to get it right, or get closer. Who do you want to spend that time becoming? You're hardly alone in having a marriage that didn't work out, that didn't have the right kind of fuel, just as you're hardly alone in nursing that void through dreams of making a broken pixie whole. But that's just the same loop, you know? Why not see it, but choose to indulge in something else? There are wilder loops than ones built only through longing for what can't be, or what can only be real in our imaginations.

  7. #16
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    Leah I'm you enjoyed that.
    Boltnrun I guess I'm having a hard time accepting that. Idk if that speaks on me and where I'm at emotionally or maybe it's just something I feel that I can manage.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Gmx49
    Leah I'm you enjoyed that.
    Boltnrun I guess I'm having a hard time accepting that. Idk if that speaks on me and where I'm at emotionally or maybe it's just something I feel that I can manage.
    There's another poster on here who has a very long thread about a woman who's pretending to be in love with him just to make an ex jealous and to boost her ego and to get some attention. He's very aware (after a LONG mental struggle) that she doesn't love him and is simply playing a game with him. He says he's going to continue because he'd rather fool himself into thinking she really loves him than have no one at all. In other words, he'd rather pretend than have to search for the real thing.

    Another poster on here is involved with a woman who is using him for money. He knows this, yet still won't bring himself to break free. Another person who would rather pretend than have "nothing". As long as he continues to send money she continues to communicate with him. He cries on a daily basis, yet still holds on because if he lets go he feels he has no one.

    I don't know why you deliberately seek out these situations. My guess is you fear a real relationship with someone you'd have to deal with as an equal. Maybe you feel like you're not "good enough" for an adult relationship. Or that's all psychobabble and you just like a challenge. Who knows.

    Are you truly happy knowing this stripper is doing the same things with all of her customers as she's doing with you? Or are you pretending you're special to her and you're the only one?

  9. #18
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    Blue castle I think you absolutely hit it right on the head. That's a perfect analogy and reaffirms what I've been thinking on over the last few nights. I do see a trend in the way I choose my relationships. Like I always want to fix someone else's problems and I take it on as almost a challenge putting my needs (to which I honestly have no idea are) aside. I spend most of my every day to day in my head, fantasizing about someone else, or since I met the dancer sharing a life with her. I think I need to tear the walls down in my life and work on rebuilding who I am. Thank you for sharing your thoughts sincerely.

  10. #19
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    Bolt n run I am aware that I am I guess you can consider a regular customer, and that she has plenty of other men that go see her often. I'm trying to understand why it is that I have these strong feelings for her, i know it's not normal. And yes in part I believe it to be that I feel challenged, not necessarily the part of me getting into a relationship with her but rather helping her out and fixing her problems. I don't know why I feel compelled to, I guess its well what I dream love that I have for her.. I guess one of my problems is not grasping the concept of love.. I feel like I'm incapable of loving just anyone, and I think maybe that's where a lot of my problems stem from. I'm not a shallow person, it's not all just because of her looks as I think all women are beautiful in one way or another. Like I said I've never felt these types of feelings for anyone before. Going forward I'm just going to work on myself and really dig deep to see what the hell is going on.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    Well, it makes it easy to avoid a "real" relationship. You're not available because you're "in love" with this stripper.

    It's similar to someone who is broken up with and won't date because they're in love with their ex and will wait forever if necessary for their ex to come back.

    The problem with that is all the life you're missing out on because you've chosen to attach yourself to someone who will never be with you in a relationship sense.

    Do you want to avoid real love?

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