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he's very suicidal but i care about him


kkraj

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I've been dating one guy for a couple of years and we're in a very serious relationship, we're planning on getting engaged soon, however for some time now I haven't felt the spark anymore. We had a rough patch about a year and a half ago and he made me promise that I'd never break up with him again or he'd kill himself. I thought he wouldn't take it that seriously and I was eager to get back together with him and smooth things out and I was madly in love with him. Now whenever he thinks I'm being a bit off (which he can tell right away since we're so close) (for example if I ever think about breaking up with him so I don't tell him that I love him back and I get serious) he immediately gets very depressed and suicidal. I know that no matter what, if I don''t want to be in the relationship anymore then I should end it and prioritize myself. But I'm not 1000% sure that I want to end such a serious relationship. And I really care about him and I'm 80% positive that he would end up hurting himself really badly since he always says I'm the only reason he's still alive. I'm not sure how I should break up with him or if I should try to bring him down to just a friend. I'm not even sure how to bring the topic up to him without him shutting down and already getting depressed. I'd love to hear any sort of advice.

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Please break up with him. he is saying it to manipulate you. Most of the time, people who commit suicide do not declare to people that they will do it. They start pushing people away and really say nothing about it. Don't "bring him down to a friend" - end all relationships with him. He is not a healthy friend. break up somewhere in public or with a friend waiting outside the door in case you are in danger of caving, and if he tries to hurt you or himself, call 911. He is holding you prisoner this way

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Please don't stay in a relationship based on how someone would react. You are important. Personally, I suggest that you seek advice from a specialist (counsellor, therapist, psychologist, etc.) who has dealt with those type of situations and, therefore, can guide you on how to best tackle this delicate and very serious situation you're in.

 

It's not my intention to bombard you with questions, but the answers you give us might certainly aid us to help you better. Is he seeing a specialist? Does he take any medicine? Does he study, work, have any hobbies? Does he hang out with family members or friends regularly? Also, are you in your 20's, 30's, 40's, etc?

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It's not my intention to bombard you with questions, but the answers you give us might certainly aid us to help you better. Is he seeing a specialist? Does he take any medicine? Does he study, work, have any hobbies? Does he hang out with family members or friends regularly? Also, are you in your 20's, 30's, 40's, etc?

 

none of that matters. It is not up to her to fix him.

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none of that matters. It is not up to her to fix him.

 

It's not up to her to fix him - I agree with you on that. But any additional information that might aid us in helping her matters. We have a huge responsibility when giving advice to others.

 

Most of the time, people who commit suicide do not declare to people that they will do it.

Someone talking about their suicidal intentions is actually a warning sign. Link: https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/how-we-can-all-prevent-suicide/

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It's not up to her to fix him - I agree with you on that. But any additional information that might aid us in helping her matters. We have a huge responsibility when giving advice to others.

 

 

Someone talking about their suicidal intentions is actually a warning sign. Link: https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/how-we-can-all-prevent-suicide/

 

 

There is a difference between suicidal intentions - talking about it vs threatening someone with suicide if they leave, don't give up something, etc, do something the person doesn't approve of. that is manipulative and abusive It should never be her burden. The ONLY thing she should do is break up and get away with him - calling 911, calling his parents or kids depending on his age -- but extracting herself from this situation STAT.

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There is a difference between suicidal intentions - talking about it vs threatening someone with suicide if they leave, don't give up something, etc, do something the person doesn't approve of. that is manipulative and abusive It should never be her burden. The ONLY thing she should do is break up and get away with him - calling 911, calling his parents or kids depending on his age -- but extracting herself from this situation STAT.

 

As you pointed out, she should definitely call 911 provided she lives in the US (or a suicide hotline). I also agree that it is an abuse. Still, he might kill himself so the threat has to be dealt with appropriately. That is why, in my view, she needs to seek out a specialist who is familiar with such cases and, therefore, will be able to assist her on how to best remove herself from such a dangerous situation asap.

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Get your affairs in order and speak with one of his friends, or better yet a family member before you tell him that you want out. Don't waffle about it.

 

Tell him and get as much distance as possible and let his family and friends handle the rest.

 

He's abusive and manipulative. He may not kill himself but he's definitely not a safe person to even be around.

 

In the meantime tell your family as well.

 

I went through something similar when I was younger. Take this seriously.

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Sorry to say but you are NOT the only reason he is alive.

 

You broke up with him after 6 months of dating for good reason. You got back with him for it seems no good reason and he made you promise never to break up with him again or he will kill him self!???

What a joke!!!? He didn’t propose to you then did he ?

So , no intention to from him to commit to you , only to control you!

 

Well, congratulations to him , he is now successfully controlling you.

 

Get out!! He won’t kill himself , he won’t even try to. Just threaten to.

 

Tell his closest family member or friend that you are breaking up with him, break up with him and then have zero contact with him. No social media, nothing.

 

Good luck!

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It's dangerous to allow yourself to be positioned as someone else's lifeline. I'd tell the guy that we are breaking up, and if he makes any threats of suicide you will call the police, and mean it. You'd also be wise to contact you local women's shelter or domestic violence organization for a plan to stay safe and address possible stalking.

 

Understand, that someone who manipulates with suicidal threats is not always just a danger to himself. It's a red flag that the's capable of taking you down with him.

 

Protect yourself.

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