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Thread: My best friend of over 10 yrs has just disappeared out of my life

  1. #21
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Originally Posted by barrelracer715
    This was not a romance at all! She was basically my sister, what more is there to understand. I'm not some crazy stalker or mental crazy person. But I do have depression so yes it makes it harder to deal with but it has never made me stop my life or do stupid things. I have 2 jobs, a bf I've been with for 4 years, in college, and compete in horse events. I'm just a person that lost there best friend that they did everything with.
    Cherylyn, thank you I really appreciate. I'm glad to know someone can see it my way. I've always know that growing up can mean growing apart. I've definitely learned it the hard way. There is plenty of friends I barely talk to or see anymore. You just never think that person you did everything with, that has been there so long would be one of them. We went through more than most friends ever go through or would go through with them and we never gave up or grew apart. We depended on each other and knew that as long as we had each other is would be ok. You're right, it is very hard to accept. I have my other friend I've been friends with since I was 5 years old and we've always been close, I just thought my other friend would have been the same. I guess I was wrong.
    No problem, barrelracer715. I'm sorry for your pain and wounded heart. You are mature when you realized that growing up often does mean growing apart. I agree, it's very hard to accept.

    Instead of dwelling and ruminating the loss of your ex-friend, I suggest that you concentrate on the friend whom you've known ever since you were 5 years old since you've always been close to her and don't always focus on only one friend. It's healthier to have more than one friend because each person has something different to offer in the friendship. People have different insights, perspectives, enjoyment activities (walks / shopping / meals out / outings / hobbies / intellectual pursuits / interests, etc.). It's better to glean their attributes from each friend as opposed to focusing on just one friend. Rotate your friends and book your social calendar with each one of them. This is what I do. I walk and shop with one best friend while meeting for lunch with another local friend on another day. I walk in the neighborhood with a neighbor who resides several suburban residential streets away. We'll meet on the corner and have a nice conversation for almost an hour.

    Also, it's good to have acquaintances in your life, too. They're good company without being high maintenance.

    An idle mind gives you time for depressive, negative thoughts and memories. Get busy living and find joy in your life.

    Also, learn to enjoy being by yourself and alone is not to be confused with lonely. Get fit, exercise, eat right, feel great, work on hobbies, go to your library, borrow great books, keep busy and have healthy distractions. Idle hands are the devil's workshop.

  2. #22
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2014
    Just wondering, how old are you guys? You say you are in college so I'm assuming you're in your late teens - early twenties? The thing is that people do change a lot throughout their childhood, teens and 20's. If you'd been friends since you were small children then it is possible that you've just outgrown this friendship?

    I would also like to point out that sometimes in friendships one person likes the other a lot more. For example, my best friend has this friend, A. A thinks very highly of her and adores her, and contacts her all the time. She does like him but she finds him annoying and only wants to have him in small doses. Whereas he wants to hang out with her all the time. They've been friends for nine years now and she even tried drifting away from him, but then got back in touch because some of her other friends moved away.

    I'm not sure if it's the same situation here but from what you've described, your friend hasn't always been that invested in you. She's a "come and go" friend. She has kind of ditched you a few times before and real best friend's don't do that. So really you have evidence here that your friendship hasn't actually been consistent. The thing is that if someone really cares about you, they won't just ditch you. Unless someone has good reasons for drifting from you, like sickness, having kids, moving away. Otherwise what is her excuse for doing this to you?

    I know it hurts but I think if someone is showing they don't care, don't chase them. I think maybe stop contacting her and definitely don't show up at her work! Try to focus on all the good things you have and try to hang out more with other friends.

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