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Thread: Unusual divorce

  1. #1
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    Unusual divorce

    My soon to be ex wife is disabled. She suffers from muscular dystrophy to which she can't walk, and has limited use of her arms and hands. We decided it best to go our separate ways. She still currently lives with me and I am still caring for her. She's started going out with her friends to which she has my full blessings. Pretty soon I'm sure she's going to start dating and I have no problem with that either. My worries and concerns are well for one she is very gullible and I'm afraid of someone taking advantage of her. We talk but not quite openly as we used to in the beginning. Anyway she's a very attractive woman, and with everything going on in the news here down in south Texas with women and children being kidnapped I am worried about her safety. We own a wheelchair accessible van that she's ultimately going to take when she moves. Until she does move, I'm thinking of putting a tracking device without her knowing. Just for safety reasons. Does that sound reasonable, or am I being to paranoid?

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    Platinum Member indea08's Avatar
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    No that’s not reasonable, but also no, you’re not being paranoid. She may be acting a bit reckless but as an adult, that is her right. Unless she’s not of sound mind.

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    That is stalking. You are getting divorced leave her be.

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    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Don't put a tracking device without her knowing because that's deceitful behavior. Be honest and let her decide if she wants you to monitor her every move.

    Going your separate ways means you need to let your soon to be ex wife become responsible for herself. You need to learn to let go because this is what divorce and going your separate ways means.

    Be upfront and straightforward with her. As a Texan be a straight shooter and tell it like it is. Tell her exactly what you wrote in your post about your concerns and worries regarding her safety with everything you've heard lately in the news in south Texas in particular, her being vulnerable to men taking advantage of her physical limitations, kidnaps, rapes and the like. You do indeed have valid concerns and you should give her a heads up so she can be aware of her surroundings and whom she risks associating with. In this day and age, no one can afford to be naive. You are a man so you are more aware of men taking advantage of women. (Not that you do, of course but as a man you know how men are.) You make good points and all you can do is explain to her your thoughts, opinions, worries and concerns. After that, she's a big girl and you need to let her make her own decisions once you part ways.

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    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
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    You can do your best OP by sharing your concerns about her well-being, but you also need to learn to let go of control and treat her like an adult, not a child.

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    Why would you leave your wife if you are her care giver? You didn't vow "in sickness and in health?"

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    You all make great points, and thank y'all for taking the time to reply. Her and I differ in many ways for instance, me being the paranoid one and her always more relaxed. She's a very accomplished and smart women, whos lived her life to be as independent as possible through her limitations. She got diagnosed with MD when she was 12 yrs, and so when I met her she was already in a chair and in the same condition she is in now. The separation is mutual and so far has been great in furthering our friendship ironically. People have always treated her with a kind of fake kindness and she has many "friends" who like to visit with her just to take pictures and post on social media. Anyway, one the thing she's prone to doing is trusting new friends way too easily, and being stubborn with one's she is closest to. Just recently a new girl she considered to be a friend, took her to the mall and (without my wife knowing) bought a whole bunch of stuff for herself with my wife's debit card! It's sad that people like that exist, and why I feel the way I do for her. We are not in love, but I still do love and care about her.. But yeah, I won't go through with tracking her. That makes total sense. Thank y'all for your time

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    Originally Posted by Gmx49
    You all make great points, and thank y'all for taking the time to reply. Her and I differ in many ways for instance, me being the paranoid one and her always more relaxed. She's a very accomplished and smart women, whos lived her life to be as independent as possible through her limitations. She got diagnosed with MD when she was 12 yrs, and so when I met her she was already in a chair and in the same condition she is in now. The separation is mutual and so far has been great in furthering our friendship ironically. People have always treated her with a kind of fake kindness and she has many "friends" who like to visit with her just to take pictures and post on social media. Anyway, one the thing she's prone to doing is trusting new friends way too easily, and being stubborn with one's she is closest to. Just recently a new girl she considered to be a friend, took her to the mall and (without my wife knowing) bought a whole bunch of stuff for herself with my wife's debit card! It's sad that people like that exist, and why I feel the way I do for her. We are not in love, but I still do love and care about her.. But yeah, I won't go through with tracking her. That makes total sense. Thank y'all for your time
    How did she not know the woman used her debit card? Did she hand it to her.
    Its very sad that you are parting ways and can't overcome your differences, but when you divorce her, you remove all of your say in her life. If these friends make her feel good, even if they are users, you have no right to say anything anymore. If the woman used her debit card while you are married, i would have her prosecuted for theft/taking advantage of a disabled person if your wife handed it to her because she has difficulty getting it out of her wallet/using it.

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    I advised her to do so (file a report) but she decided not to. She recovered some money losses from her bank. Apparently the bank is looking into what happened. She no longer is speaking to the girl responsible. The last text she sent my wife was how it was an accident, and the charges were to be "split paid" though it happened at four different stores that day. I do care for her, and honestly I have no problems with us separating and her moving on. It just sucks that she's going to now have to face these kind of situations on her own..

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Gmx49, As difficult as this may be for you, there are times when you need to allow your soon to be ex-wife to make her own mistakes before she can learn how to protect herself especially choosing wrong friends. In life, the best lessons were learned the hard way which you'll never forget.

    I've had various people lecture me until they were blue in the face and I merely turned a deaf ear. Then when I experienced some harsh lessons the hard way, I learned overnight what to do and what not to do FOR LIFE. I had to learn on my own. No one taught me.

    When you divorce, you need to dissolve and let go of your former life including your soon to be ex wife. There is no more US. Both of you are going your separate ways for a reason and instead of one unit or one marriage, now there are two individual lives responsible for their own.

  12. 01-08-2020, 01:34 AM

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