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Gmx49

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My soon to be ex wife is disabled. She suffers from muscular dystrophy to which she can't walk, and has limited use of her arms and hands. We decided it best to go our separate ways. She still currently lives with me and I am still caring for her. She's started going out with her friends to which she has my full blessings. Pretty soon I'm sure she's going to start dating and I have no problem with that either. My worries and concerns are well for one she is very gullible and I'm afraid of someone taking advantage of her. We talk but not quite openly as we used to in the beginning. Anyway she's a very attractive woman, and with everything going on in the news here down in south Texas with women and children being kidnapped I am worried about her safety. We own a wheelchair accessible van that she's ultimately going to take when she moves. Until she does move, I'm thinking of putting a tracking device without her knowing. Just for safety reasons. Does that sound reasonable, or am I being to paranoid?

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Don't put a tracking device without her knowing because that's deceitful behavior. Be honest and let her decide if she wants you to monitor her every move.

 

Going your separate ways means you need to let your soon to be ex wife become responsible for herself. You need to learn to let go because this is what divorce and going your separate ways means.

 

Be upfront and straightforward with her. As a Texan be a straight shooter and tell it like it is. Tell her exactly what you wrote in your post about your concerns and worries regarding her safety with everything you've heard lately in the news in south Texas in particular, her being vulnerable to men taking advantage of her physical limitations, kidnaps, rapes and the like. You do indeed have valid concerns and you should give her a heads up so she can be aware of her surroundings and whom she risks associating with. In this day and age, no one can afford to be naive. You are a man so you are more aware of men taking advantage of women. (Not that you do, of course but as a man you know how men are.) You make good points and all you can do is explain to her your thoughts, opinions, worries and concerns. After that, she's a big girl and you need to let her make her own decisions once you part ways.

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You all make great points, and thank y'all for taking the time to reply. Her and I differ in many ways for instance, me being the paranoid one and her always more relaxed. She's a very accomplished and smart women, whos lived her life to be as independent as possible through her limitations. She got diagnosed with MD when she was 12 yrs, and so when I met her she was already in a chair and in the same condition she is in now. The separation is mutual and so far has been great in furthering our friendship ironically. People have always treated her with a kind of fake kindness and she has many "friends" who like to visit with her just to take pictures and post on social media. Anyway, one the thing she's prone to doing is trusting new friends way too easily, and being stubborn with one's she is closest to. Just recently a new girl she considered to be a friend, took her to the mall and (without my wife knowing) bought a whole bunch of stuff for herself with my wife's debit card! It's sad that people like that exist, and why I feel the way I do for her. We are not in love, but I still do love and care about her.. But yeah, I won't go through with tracking her. That makes total sense. Thank y'all for your time

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You all make great points, and thank y'all for taking the time to reply. Her and I differ in many ways for instance, me being the paranoid one and her always more relaxed. She's a very accomplished and smart women, whos lived her life to be as independent as possible through her limitations. She got diagnosed with MD when she was 12 yrs, and so when I met her she was already in a chair and in the same condition she is in now. The separation is mutual and so far has been great in furthering our friendship ironically. People have always treated her with a kind of fake kindness and she has many "friends" who like to visit with her just to take pictures and post on social media. Anyway, one the thing she's prone to doing is trusting new friends way too easily, and being stubborn with one's she is closest to. Just recently a new girl she considered to be a friend, took her to the mall and (without my wife knowing) bought a whole bunch of stuff for herself with my wife's debit card! It's sad that people like that exist, and why I feel the way I do for her. We are not in love, but I still do love and care about her.. But yeah, I won't go through with tracking her. That makes total sense. Thank y'all for your time

 

How did she not know the woman used her debit card? Did she hand it to her.

Its very sad that you are parting ways and can't overcome your differences, but when you divorce her, you remove all of your say in her life. If these friends make her feel good, even if they are users, you have no right to say anything anymore. If the woman used her debit card while you are married, i would have her prosecuted for theft/taking advantage of a disabled person if your wife handed it to her because she has difficulty getting it out of her wallet/using it.

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I advised her to do so (file a report) but she decided not to. She recovered some money losses from her bank. Apparently the bank is looking into what happened. She no longer is speaking to the girl responsible. The last text she sent my wife was how it was an accident, and the charges were to be "split paid" though it happened at four different stores that day. I do care for her, and honestly I have no problems with us separating and her moving on. It just sucks that she's going to now have to face these kind of situations on her own..

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Gmx49, As difficult as this may be for you, there are times when you need to allow your soon to be ex-wife to make her own mistakes before she can learn how to protect herself especially choosing wrong friends. In life, the best lessons were learned the hard way which you'll never forget.

 

I've had various people lecture me until they were blue in the face and I merely turned a deaf ear. Then when I experienced some harsh lessons the hard way, I learned overnight what to do and what not to do FOR LIFE. I had to learn on my own. No one taught me.

 

When you divorce, you need to dissolve and let go of your former life including your soon to be ex wife. There is no more US. Both of you are going your separate ways for a reason and instead of one unit or one marriage, now there are two individual lives responsible for their own.

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Why don't you use the financing she receives from disability, medicare/medicaid to allow her to be properly taken care of? For example whatever money is coming in on her behalf should be used to arrange care such as nursing facility. It's hard to believe that you have not appropriately involved social workers, home attendants and other help she deserves from her resources. Putting a tracker on her is nonsense. She is wise to get away from you and your strip club habits. Do you work?

My soon to be ex wife is disabled. She suffers from muscular dystrophy to which she can't walk, and has limited use of her arms and hands. Pretty soon I'm sure she's going to start dating and I have no problem with that either. I'm thinking of putting a tracking device without her knowing.
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She does receive assistance from the state that provides her all of those things. We never legally married to allow that to continue to happen. When we met she was living in a nursing care facility. It's not an ideal place to live and so she is looking for a better home. We're ok living together for the time being. Things are civil enough and there's a lot more to the reasons why we decided to separate. She is wise I agree. And yes I do work. Thanks for your concerns

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Again the issue is not the lack of care for her. She's been very well taken care of, and has a great network of people that support her in those regards. She sees some of the best doctors in the state, and she has all the equipment she needs to live comfortably as possible. The issue isn't with us separating either. My relationship with her now is more of a caregiver than a husband. I feel when you care for someone to that extent, and know the limitations of the person you're caring for it's hard not to worry a bit excessively when the person is out of your sights. I did however decide not to track her. It's just something I'm going to have to get used to.

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Are two different users using this username? You are starting threads about being in love with strippers. You are stating you are married then not married etc. Putting trackers on wheelchair bound girlfriends.

We never legally married My relationship with her now is more of a caregiver than a husband
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Dude seriously, keep on in that therapy! I think you really need to deal with your issues. You are obsessed with a stripper who's not into you at all and you want to stalk your EX wife. It's not OK to put a tracker on anyone but you're not even together anymore! No offence but from everything you've been saying it sounds like you kinda treated her like a child and you pity married her. Just because she's physically disabled doesn't mean she's an idiot!

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She does receive assistance from the state that provides her all of those things. We never legally married to allow that to continue to happen. When we met she was living in a nursing care facility. It's not an ideal place to live and so she is looking for a better home. We're ok living together for the time being. Things are civil enough and there's a lot more to the reasons why we decided to separate. She is wise I agree. And yes I do work. Thanks for your concerns

 

Someone may lose their public assistance/welfare if they marry, but if someone is deemed permanently disabled in the manner she is, they never completely lose their SSI - they can be married, not married, and even live with family and don't have all the expenses of being on their own. If you would not marry because of benefits, either you make very little and can't afford to feed both of you, or marriage wasn't important to either.

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Dude seriously, keep on in that therapy! I think you really need to deal with your issues. You are obsessed with a stripper who's not into you at all and you want to stalk your EX wife. It's not OK to put a tracker on anyone but you're not even together anymore! No offence but from everything you've been saying it sounds like you kinda treated her like a child and you pity married her. Just because she's physically disabled doesn't mean she's an idiot!

 

Whoa. Sounds like this wasn't as mutual as much as it was about cheating and treating her like a child...

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A bit broken yeah unfortunately I would either have to make a whole bunch of money or hardly any for us to have lived comfortably. I did however invest a lot in our "marriage ". I bought a home with an open floor plan, and completely renovated it to make it fully accessible stuff a roll in shower, ramps, 36" wide doors all over the house etc. To give an even more widened perspective on where our marriage was til the end, she embraced the idea of me finding someone to be intimate with because well of the progression of her disease. I never once cheated on her though, even with her blessings. I'm not sure where people are getting where I ever treated her like a child? As said before we live in south Texas, and there is an epidemic of human trafficking.. I agree on me feeling a little paranoid and protective of her. As I feel anyone would given the amount of care that she needs. People can continue to make assumptions and write whatever false narrative they want about me if it makes them feel better about themselves. I think the toxic comments speak more on to the people that write them and really have no effect on me at all (the negative ones). Its funny because my ex and I are more open with each other as I said before and have become better friends. Other than the tracking detail she knows about pretty much everything else to which she doesn't support either, but doesn't feel angered or hurt by it. She's dating and we're very much separated, that was never the issue just. I just wanted to post about my back story a bit in the original post.

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I actually reply to a very large amount of people on here. I definitely don't comment only on your posts. I've been on these boards for six years and I'm a regular. I am not trying to be rude but I am allowed to express my opinions. I'm not a paid therapist but just a lay person who is on these boards and I always speak with honesty. To be really honest I think that you are fretting over your ex-wife too much because you're not together anymore. I totally understand that you have so much history with her and you do sound like a kind person who genuinely cares. You have been very selfless a lot of your life. Your wife was lucky to have you because you really went out of your way to accommodate her and you supported her so much.

 

However she is not intellectually disabled and she is a grown woman. Now that you're not together, she has to lean on other people. Her family, paid carers, friends and the new person she's dating. How do you think it's going to look to her new partner and your new partner if you continue to act like you and your wife are still in a relationship? You don't always have to be someone's carer and always put others before yourself. Your marriage is over and now you can live your own life. It's the same with any relationship, when it's over you need to move on.

 

And I'm sorry if you think that thinking it's wrong to secretly install a tracker on yoir wife's phone speaks badly of my character and means I'm toxic. What you wanted to do is just plain wrong and weird. I don't think it makes me a toxic person to think those things about that concept. It just sounds to me like you want to hear certain things from people and when you don't hear those things, you get annoyed.

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A woman who uses a wheelchair and has muscular dystrophy would not be someone human traffickers would be eager to abduct. They don't want someone who is constantly dependent upon medical care. They want women, and also children and young men for sex trafficking, or lure with the promise of work. A woman who is more able bodied is more easily hidden in plain site. Her appearance could be changed - hair, clothes and she could act like she was "supposed" to be with her trafficker out of fear. A woman with an obvious disability would be way more memorable (as would an abnormally tall woman, for example), to an eyewitness. And people who are trafficked half the time are "groomed" - they are befriended by their trafficker in some way - they are not just snatched.

 

I am not saying its not possible, but i am trying to say your fears while not similar to be eaten by a shark in the middle of a corn field, its kinda not the biggest thing to be worried about.

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