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Should I ask ex out?


RicBoy

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I'm in a hard situation. 7 month relationship. She left me 2 months ago, I chased and beg for a month, she blocked me everywhere. My son is friends with her daughter. One month no contact she reached out and asked if she could pick up my kid to spend the night at her place with her daughter. I was at work, so she picked him up and dropped him off, I didn't see her. Meanwhile we exchanged a few msgs mostly planning about the kid etc. I asked her for coffee, she said she thinks it's not a good idea. 10 days later I broke no contact wishing her happy new year, she replied wishing me too. It's been no contact now for 7 days exactly. Next month my kid will come again to visit me in the holidays, and she is likely to reach out again asking again to pick him up. Should I ask her out again? Maybe dinner with the kids?

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Stay away from each other. Your child should not be picked up by this woman. You may lose visitation/custody if the child's mother finds out about this.

 

My advice remains the same on this topic: https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=562719&p=7182182&viewfull=1#post7182182

7 month relationship. She left me 2 months ago, asked if she could pick up my kid to spend the night at her place with her daughter. I was at work, so she picked him up and dropped him off, I didn't see her.
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Dude, she has made it crystal clear multiple times that she is done with you. You made yet another attempt to ask her out when the kid thing came up and again she emphasized that she is NOT interested. High time for you to get the message and move on. Do not turn into that creep that keeps hitting on her and ends up with a restraining order. Stop. Desist. Do not ever ask her out again. Just quit already. Enough.

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Dude, she has made it crystal clear multiple times that she is done with you. You made yet another attempt to ask her out when the kid thing came up and again she emphasized that she is NOT interested. High time for you to get the message and move on. Do not turn into that creep that keeps hitting on her and ends up with a restraining order. Stop. Desist. Do not ever ask her out again. Just quit already. Enough.

 

So when she reaches out in a few weeks to come to pick up the kid, I just keep the texts about the kid and exchange the kid and that's it? No asking her out? Like example lunch with her and the kids?

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So when she reaches out in a few weeks to come to pick up the kid, I just keep the texts about the kid and exchange the kid and that's it? No asking her out? Like example lunch with her and the kids?

 

You know for a fact she's going to "reach out" regarding your child?

 

Didn't she only contact him last time? She didn't contact you at all, correct?

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You know for a fact she's going to "reach out" regarding your child?

 

Didn't she only contact him last time? She didn't contact you at all, correct?

 

She unblocked me after a month, and she reached out straight to me. She said she hoped I was doing well, and asked if she could pick the kid up.? We exchanged maybe 10 msgs about arrangements, then I asked her for a drink in one of the msgs and she said she didnt think it was a good idea. The she dropped the kid and send me another msg about the kid, how great he was etc.

 

10 days later I broke no contact wishing her happy new year, (shouldn't have) and she said happy new year to u too.

 

She knows the kid is coming in February again and she will reach out 100%. My son told me he called her daughter and spoke to the girl and my ex about it.

 

So what now when she reaches out? No asking her again out? Ask?

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Dude, don't just don't. How many times does she have to say no before you get it? Serious question. She isn't using the kid as a way to talk to you. She can talk to you any time she wants. She is literally only doing whatever for the kids. You already tried again and she said no. She made it clear that she is not interested in speaking to you outside of the kids and basic civility. She made it clear she has no interest in dating you. Please for the love of....just stop already. What aren't you getting here? Do NOT confuse basic civility with something more. Don't be that desperate. It's not a sexy look on a man.

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So when she reaches out in a few weeks to come to pick up the kid, I just keep the texts about the kid and exchange the kid and that's it? No asking her out? Like example lunch with her and the kids?

 

Are you really that thick? I hope not. This woman is not interested in you at all, she's made that perfectly clear. Stop pestering her, or you will be hit with a restraining order. Why cant you understand this?

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Dude, don't just don't. How many times does she have to say no before you get it? Serious question. She isn't using the kid as a way to talk to you. She can talk to you any time she wants. She is literally only doing whatever for the kids. You already tried again and she said no. She made it clear that she is not interested in speaking to you outside of the kids and basic civility. She made it clear she has no interest in dating you. Please for the love of....just stop already. What aren't you getting here? Do NOT confuse basic civility with something more. Don't be that desperate. It's not a sexy look on a man.

 

I get it. So when she comes to pick up the kid, I just say hi how are u and here is the kid. That's it? Last time I didn't see her. My other ex, kid's mother was at my place, so she handled the exchange with her, even tho everything was arranged through texts between me and my ex.

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We went through pages of this last time ... you handing your kid over to a woman you can't even contact because she blocks you then gets to arrange picking your kid up WITH your kid and not an adult ..

 

Ric buddy , you have to try and accept things .

Read the post, she contacted me

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I get it. So when she comes to pick up the kid, I just say hi how are u and here is the kid. That's it? Last time I didn't see her. My other ex, kid's mother was at my place, so she handled the exchange with her, even tho everything was arranged through texts between me and my ex.

 

Correct. That's all you do. Hi here is the kid. Bye.

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So you aren't reconciling with the other ex? Why spend a week together then?

 

Does the other ex have the impression you two are possibly reconciling?

 

And the ex you're asking about? She already refused you. You're going to really annoy her if you ask again.

 

So to answer the question you will ask again...no, you don't ask for another date or to spend time together with the kids. No.

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So you aren't reconciling with the other ex? Why spend a week together then?

 

Does the other ex have the impression you two are possibly reconciling?

 

And the ex you're asking about? She already refused you. You're going to really annoy her if you ask again.

 

So to answer the question you will ask again...no, you don't ask for another date or to spend time together with the kids. No.

 

The mother of my kid, broke up a 7 year relationship, 4 months ago with the guy she was with. Actually the guy she left me for.

 

So me and her decided to spend Xmas and new year together for the kid. Kid is 9 years old. When we broke up he was 1 year. We slept closed to each other, hugged, but no sex. I guess she was a bit turned off because I had been speaking a lot about my last ex and a bit obsessive about the whole thing. She lives in a different country anyways. Also she sees me more as friend, it's been 8 years apart and she probably still thiking of her ex and I think she is casually seeing another guy too.

 

My recent ex, she knows my ex stayed at my place, but I don't think she thinks anything out of it, she knows is most likely for the kid. I also asked her for coffee when his mother was here so she knows I still like her.

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I get it. So when she comes to pick up the kid, I just say hi how are u and here is the kid. That's it? Last time I didn't see her. My other ex, kid's mother was at my place, so she handled the exchange with her, even tho everything was arranged through texts between me and my ex.

 

If your ex gets along well with the mom of your child I suggest stepping back from communicating with her and letting the two of them work out play dates, as you don't seem to be able to separate yourself from the situation.

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Correct. That's all you do. Hi here is the kid. Bye.

 

I suppose if she wanted to hangout with me, she would either invite me directly, ask me to hang out with her the kids or she would reach out when my kid isn't with me, basically reach out for any other reason that has nothing to do with kids

 

To be fair, this is still all very fresh, 2,5 months broken up, and I begged and chased for 1 month.. When she reached out to get the kid on xmas, it had been only little over 3 weeks since I was chasing her and all that stuff.

 

Don't think she had enough time to calm down yet, and "forget" a bit all the stupid I did after the break up.

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If your ex gets along well with the mom of your child I suggest stepping back from communicating with her and letting the two of them work out play dates, as you don't seem to be able to separate yourself from the situation.

 

Mother of my kid, lives in a different country. She only came to spend Xmas with me and my son.

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No, definitely not.

 

Originally Posted by RicBoy

Every text you send is another nail in the coffin.

 

... a woman likes confident, detached, emotional strong man, busy, successful etc.

 

Contacting a woman that has rejected you tells her exactly that you lack all of those traits.

 

... As a man always act like a man in every circumstance in life, with dignity and self respect. Always act attractive. Even if a woman dumps you, act attractive, tell her you enjoyed the time with her and wish her well and walk away in silence.

:

 

Her organizing some child time is not a prompt for you to ask her out.

 

She has made it clear she is not interested.

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To be fair, this is still all very fresh.

 

Being frank, it's only "very fresh" because you're making choices to keep refreshing the wound. Seems to be something you do, based on how you described things with the mother of your son: holding onto some faint idea rather than letting go, moving on, seeing reality for what it is.

 

Reality here? You two dated for what amounts to five minutes in the scheme of life, and have now been broken up for nearly half the time you were together. For her, in short, it's not fresh. You're a guy she dated briefly, didn't feel it with, and she's okay allowing her child to continue to spend time with yours. That's that: the beginning and end of your connection, moving on, is facilitating playdates with 9 year olds.

 

If you're incapable of seeing it like that, I'd consider having someone else organize their get-togethers or just putting an end to the playdates, since using them as potential windows to set up adult dates is just a really unfortunate look. Your kid is watching you, learning from you. What kind of man do you want him to be? I say answer that question, and then be that man.

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I get it. So when she comes to pick up the kid, I just say hi how are u and here is the kid. That's it?

 

Yes, that's it.

 

If she has a change of heart about seeing you one-on-one, she will somehow let you know. She has given you no indication of wanting to meet you, apart from arranging hang-outs for your children.

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