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Thread: Those who have been married over a few decades

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    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Those who have been married over a few decades

    Have you ever been close to divorce ? I would say we have been close twice. Once in our 30ís due to both of our mental states and my husbandís severe act of boundaries with female friends. And once in our 40ís due to my husbandís career lead to him being away 95% of the time from the time my son was 8 until he was 15.

    I would say we are pretty solid now but we had a lot of rough times.

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    Oh vic my heart sank then ....thank goodness this post turned out a success and not what I thought I was going to read ....

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    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Originally Posted by pippy longstocking
    Oh vic my heart sank then ....thank goodness this post turned out a success and not what I thought I was going to read ....
    Oh gosh, no I didnít mean to startle you. I was just wondering if other really long-term relationships had severe difficulties as well.

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    Gold Member Betterwithout's Avatar
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    I think life events (kids, death of family member, unemployment, health, etc) can play havoc on a marriage. My first marriage was very healthy marriage.... until the kids came, then my ex-wife split.
    I remarried and struggle with the new marriage with all the entanglements blended families bring. Currently, we're both struggling with communication and constant disagreements. We are very different from each other
    and I constantly wrestle with staying optimistic and seeking the silver linings in our marriage.

    No marriage is perfect and it's normal to have ups and downs. I hold on the the belief that our marriage will eventually have an "up" soon. :)

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    Originally Posted by ~Seraphim ~
    Oh gosh, no I didnít mean to startle you. I was just wondering if other really long-term relationships had severe difficulties as well.
    In a word, YES. If you haven't experienced some difficult times in your marriage, then you haven't been married that long. No marriage is perfect because no person is perfect.

    I personally have never seen or heard of any marriage where there have never been hard times.

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    My husband and I had severe problems the first few years and discussed divorce, even with a therapist, several times. But we worked through. We have had illness, money problems, family interference, but keep working at it and are pretty solid at 30 years. But I do think that a lot of people in long marriages donít work at it ó they skate along and for many, things improve when the kids move out and the in laws die, which is not a popular point of view but I keep seeing it happen. However, those who actively try and find solutions tend to be more of a team and happier, in my experience.

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    Originally Posted by Betterwithout
    I think life events (kids, death of family member, unemployment, health, etc) can play havoc on a marriage. My first marriage was very healthy marriage.... until the kids came, then my ex-wife split.
    I remarried and struggle with the new marriage with all the entanglements blended families bring. Currently, we're both struggling with communication and constant disagreements. We are very different from each other
    and I constantly wrestle with staying optimistic and seeking the silver linings in our marriage.

    No marriage is perfect and it's normal to have ups and downs. I hold on the the belief that our marriage will eventually have an "up" soon. :)
    I hope it does for you!

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    Originally Posted by arjumand
    My husband and I had severe problems the first few years and discussed divorce, even with a therapist, several times. But we worked through. We have had illness, money problems, family interference, but keep working at it and are pretty solid at 30 years. But I do think that a lot of people in long marriages donít work at it ó they skate along and for many, things improve when the kids move out and the in laws die, which is not a popular point of view but I keep seeing it happen. However, those who actively try and find solutions tend to be more of a team and happier, in my experience.
    We sound very similar with same kind of issues. Lord knows my life will be easier with my in-laws gone. That is coming in the next few years.

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    Originally Posted by redswim30
    In a word, YES. If you haven't experienced some difficult times in your marriage, then you haven't been married that long. No marriage is perfect because no person is perfect.

    I personally have never seen or heard of any marriage where there have never been hard times.
    This is true. But we both had seriously contemplated divorce which impossible for our marriage.

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    Originally Posted by redswim30
    In a word, YES. If you haven't experienced some difficult times in your marriage, then you haven't been married that long.

    I personally have never seen or heard of any marriage where there have never been hard times.
    That's not true. I have been with my guy for 30 years and it's been pretty good/fine. We haven't been close to ending it ever, or not talking to each other for days, or contacting lawyers or sleeping on the couch. Sure we have disagreements occasionally, but no blow outs or rough dark days. I'm not trying to rub it in anyone's face but, I guess I have been lucky? or maybe it's because we keep our money separate, no kids, share a lot of interests? Make sure we have our own space?

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