Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 2 of 2 FirstFirst 12
Results 11 to 17 of 17

Thread: Those who have been married over a few decades

  1. #11
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Location
    Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared
    Age
    53
    Posts
    37,285
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by smackie9
    That's not true. I have been with my guy for 30 years and it's been pretty good/fine. We haven't been close to ending it ever, or not talking to each other for days, or contacting lawyers or sleeping on the couch. Sure we have disagreements occasionally, but no blow outs or rough dark days. I'm not trying to rub it in anyone's face but, I guess I have been lucky? or maybe it's because we keep our money separate, no kids, share a lot of interests? Make sure we have our own space?
    We entered our relationship both with severe mental health issues. We both also had interfering families. His family hated/ hates me. ( nothing personal any woman would have been hated)

    Our child was born with a disability. My husbandís career led him to be away a lot. We lost 4 other pregnancies.

    Etc etc...

  2. #12
    Gold Member Betterwithout's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2015
    Posts
    637
    Gender
    Male
    Originally Posted by smackie9
    That's not true. I have been with my guy for 30 years and it's been pretty good/fine. We haven't been close to ending it ever, or not talking to each other for days, or contacting lawyers or sleeping on the couch. Sure we have disagreements occasionally, but no blow outs or rough dark days. I'm not trying to rub it in anyone's face but, I guess I have been lucky? or maybe it's because we keep our money separate, no kids, share a lot of interests? Make sure we have our own space?
    Smackie9 you are one of the lucky ones! I deeply envy you.
    IMO, I think it's just fate that some meet the right person that is so well matched. Some people hate their parents, others are inseparable. Some siblings get along really well. Other siblings never speak to each other. I think it all comes down to personalities jiving or clashing.
    I have /have had some amazing loving relationships, but also some toxic ones. The difference is that some we can choose to "Unfriend"....others are stuck by obligation (relatives) or for a myriad of reasons stuck with their spouses)

    I was in the greeting cards section today searching for a Valentine's card for my wife in the "Wife" section. Of the 10 options, most of the sentiments didn't match my marriage at all (sad to say). "You are the love of my life" "I'd be lost without you" "I love you with all of my heart", etc. I settled for the only card of the choices that was more simple that didn't have those endearing words, because I don't really feel them for the last few years. I felt so sad, I almost didn't buy any card.
    My issue is that in the past I have felt and had true love and connection with another women....just not my current wife. The hard part is knowing what real love feels like and what real connection is. My wife and I dont have that and it kills me.
    However, I am still clinging onto the dream that the relationship between us will improve or become better aligned once we go through counselling and do some self-work. The main issue is that I am very self-aware and openly admit my downfalls and self-deprecating. She never says sorry, admits to mistakes, and it's never her fault. Ultra-frustrating.
    Maybe with couples counselling, she will listen to the therapist that she is a big part of our problem marriage.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2015
    Location
    Ontario Canada
    Posts
    6,168
    Gender
    Female
    I'm another lucky one, my husband is a great guy. We've had disagreements but never anything serious where one of us leaving was contemplated. Nobody ever slept on the couch. I dont know what I did to deserve such a nice person to be my husband, so I am grateful he is the way he is.

  4. #14
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Location
    Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared
    Age
    53
    Posts
    37,285
    Gender
    Female
    I think we would have had easier early years had we both not been mentally . We were both too abused as kids and abused seek out abused.

  5.  

  6. #15
    Gold Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Posts
    854
    Originally Posted by smackie9
    That's not true. I have been with my guy for 30 years and it's been pretty good/fine. We haven't been close to ending it ever, or not talking to each other for days, or contacting lawyers or sleeping on the couch. Sure we have disagreements occasionally, but no blow outs or rough dark days. I'm not trying to rub it in anyone's face but, I guess I have been lucky? or maybe it's because we keep our money separate, no kids, share a lot of interests? Make sure we have our own space?
    Well, a lot is circumstantial, too. Maybe you've been lucky never having to experience- a child with a disability, an illness, loss of job or income, watching a parent die slowly, death of a child (either living or miscarriage), unexpected accident, bout of mental illness, etc.

    Sometimes even when people do their best- they react differently to one of the above. Keeping money separate is BIG. No kids definitely helps- differing opinions of stuff that comes up with kids is a big cause for fighting.

  7. #16
    Seraphim, I've lurked for a long time, and have always loved reading your comments. You have gone through what sounds like more extreme stressors than most people in the course of their marriage, so in my opinion, of course you're going to reflect that at least somewhat in the marriage relationship.

    The amazing thing is how

    1) You have a great relationship with your son, and that relationship has flourished even despite having to manage life through those make or break situations
    2) You still are together and have genuine love/care for each other despite all you both have lived through
    3) You give to others of your heart and mind thoughtfully, and that's remarkable you're able to give so much love when coming from a place where many wouldn't have that left due to bitterness/resentment kind of killing that ability off (You've maintained compassion in other words)

    I think you should be a little proud of all this. Making it in the face of so much conflict (I think) is pretty rare!

  8. #17
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Location
    Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared
    Age
    53
    Posts
    37,285
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by LightCandle
    Seraphim, I've lurked for a long time, and have always loved reading your comments. You have gone through what sounds like more extreme stressors than most people in the course of their marriage, so in my opinion, of course you're going to reflect that at least somewhat in the marriage relationship.

    The amazing thing is how

    1) You have a great relationship with your son, and that relationship has flourished even despite having to manage life through those make or break situations
    2) You still are together and have genuine love/care for each other despite all you both have lived through
    3) You give to others of your heart and mind thoughtfully, and that's remarkable you're able to give so much love when coming from a place where many wouldn't have that left due to bitterness/resentment kind of killing that ability off (You've maintained compassion in other words)

    I think you should be a little proud of all this. Making it in the face of so much conflict (I think) is pretty rare!
    Thank you very much. So sweet of you to say.

Page 2 of 2 FirstFirst 12

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •