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Thread: My Mother VS Me & My Wife

  1. #11
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    So you are simply too busy with your own pursuits to be with your wife or your family of origin and therefore let them battle with each other? Then you have to hear about all the drama back home from your wife and your family and that annoys you? Well as long as you are away there will be issues.
    I am not on run, back in my country there are very few opportunities to grow, I am in abroad with Consent of my wife.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Yes but you are trying to play referee between all your family members, your wife, etc from afar and it's not working and they can't help themselves and you can't help them.

    The culture where you are and the marriage/family culture where you are from may vary greatly. What do you hope to do when you get back home? Are you trying to solve these problems through texting or videochats? What precisely do you do? Do they just want someone to talk at or do they want you to do something?
    Originally Posted by Anonymus123
    I am not on run, back in my country there are very few opportunities to grow, I am in abroad with Consent of my wife.

  3. #13
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Yes but you are trying to play referee between all your family members, your wife, etc from afar and it's not working and they can't help themselves and you can't help them. The culture where you are and the marriage/family culture where you are from may vary greatly. What do you hope to do when you get back home?
    Are you trying to solve these problems through texting or video chats? What precisely do you do? Do they just want someone to talk at or do they want you to do something?
    Actually, I am fed up of all this situation, at the moment my wife and my mother doesn't have any sort of contact but when I will be back how will I handle the situation? how can I meet with my mother while she is still abusing myself and my family? currently, I am in touch with my wife and have a very brief voice calls from my mother, but this is not a permanent solution, in deep of my heart I know that my wife is not wrong, the only wrong thing she has done is marrying me.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    How much longer do you intend to work and study where you are? Have you met a local woman? Can your wife file for divorce? It seems she was left behind to deal with your family messes.
    Originally Posted by Anonymus123
    I am in touch with my wife and have a very brief voice calls from my mother, but this is not a permanent solution, in deep of my heart I know that my wife is not wrong, the only wrong thing she has done is marrying me.

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  6. #15
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    How much longer do you intend to work and study where you are? Have you met a local woman? Can your wife file for divorce? It seems she was left behind to deal with your family messes.
    LOL, seriously??? you are diverting a problem to another level, I take leave after every 3 months for 1 month and no I haven't met any local women or we are going for a divorce, and she is not facing anybody, even I am abroad I am still facing everyone through phones or texts.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Look, you need to understand and accept that your mother is a very toxic, manipulative person and the best and only way to deal with that is to distance yourself away from her as much as possible.

    You are a man with a wife and child - that is now YOUR own family that you need to be fully focused on. Your mother no longer gets to interfere or call the shots in your life or your brother's life and so on. Whatever financial support you are willing to provide, keep it at that and otherwise distance yourself from her toxic behavior. She isn't going to change or become a better person. The more you understand that, the better you'll be off. Toxic people are best avoided, but since she is your mother, than simply keep as much and as far away as you can. Arm's length at all times.

    You are overall on the right track to get your education completed and hopefully move forward to a better and more stable life with your wife and children. That's the only focus that should be in your life. Extended family, let them fight their own battles and keep out of it. The more you become neutral, the more you disengage and just work on you, the better off everyone will be.

  8. #17
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    Originally Posted by DancingFool
    Look, you need to understand and accept that your mother is a very toxic, manipulative person and the best and only way to deal with that is to distance yourself away from her as much as possible.

    You are a man with a wife and child - that is now YOUR own family that you need to be fully focused on. Your mother no longer gets to interfere or call the shots in your life or your brother's life and so on. Whatever financial support you are willing to provide, keep it at that and otherwise distance yourself from her toxic behavior. She isn't going to change or become a better person. The more you understand that, the better you'll be off. Toxic people are best avoided, but since she is your mother, than simply keep as much and as far away as you can. Arm's length at all times.

    You are overall on the right track to get your education completed and hopefully move forward to a better and more stable life with your wife and children. That's the only focus that should be in your life. Extended family, let them fight their own battles and keep out of it. The more you become neutral, the more you disengage and just work on you, the better off everyone will be.
    Thank you very much for your kind advice

  9. #18
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    I haven't seen or spoken to my MIL since Fall of 2011. You can't change a narcissist. And if they are abusive, what's the point of treating them like family? Just because you share DNA, does not give her the right to be abusive. And who cares what your elders say???? I'm sure she's somewhat together when they talk to her, but once they are gone, her claws come out. Don't enable her behavior by responding when she's being abusive.

  10. #19
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    Originally Posted by Anonymus123
    I am not on run, back in my country there are very few opportunities to grow, I am in abroad with Consent of my wife.
    Go bring your wife to where you are living. Your marriage is very important. If you were a young man with no children, i can understand working abroad with a fiancee back home, but you have children and a wife, and where they go, or you go, the rest should follow. Either secure a job near your in-laws or find a place away from your mother where your family can be together. Tell your mother if she wants to say bad things about you and your wife, she can do so, but as long as she does, you will spend no more time with her. You will not pay her another dime. Your elders know that your brother makes more than you, so leave it up to your brother to give mom more money or sit down with your brother and find out if your mother is using the money wisely or not.

    thre is no way you have enough to pay living expenses for you abroad, the money your wife and children need and pay for your mother.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    She can but how it will resolve the problem ?
    First and foremost, your wife and children need support while you are away. It makes more sense financially too for them to stay with her parents.

    As for your mother, I would not expect a resolution. She sounds angry and argumentative. Your wife has given her many many chances and so have you.
    The problem still exists.
    The only other thing to do now is to stay away from your mother. She is causing too much upset.

    Your wife, COMES FIRST. Your children, COME FIRST. That means your mother no longer has a right to see them or you.
    She has burnt her bridges with her temper and bad words.
    You can respecfully let your mom know that you can't be in her life anymore because you are now going to focus on your own family and do not want anymore fighting.
    But how she behaves, she does not deserve anymore than that.

    You have tried, your wife has tried. You have run out of options when it comes to your mother.

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