Help what do I do???

Ok so my son's mother says she wants to be with me but only if I cut ties with my parents completely! She hates them and says if I want her I have to cut them out of mine and my kids completely. I told her no and now she's saying I'm choosing my mother over her and my kids. I feel like asking this of me is totally inappropriate and controlling.am I wrong for telling her to shove it?

This combative on/off relationship with your child's mother is not healthy for anyone involved. A far better choice is to get to therapy for yourself so you can be the best father you can and co-parent with the child's interests coming first. The conflict between your child's mother and your parents will never end so stop forcing any of it.

My advice remains the same on this issue: https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=562099&p=7169554&viewfull=1#post7169554

my son's mother says she wants to be with me but only if I cut ties with my parents completely! She hates them and says if I want her I have to cut them out of mine and my kids completely.

I would never allow ANYONE to force my mom out of my life. I NEVER ask my husband to abandon his parents and I have hated them for 30 years and they hate me.

Looking at your other post, this woman is nuts and an angry alcoholic to boot. You shouldn't be thinking about how to get back with her at all. What you should be thinking about seriously is how to get full custody of your child and collecting evidence and getting full legal advice on how to get that done. She is not a fit parent.

You also need to get some counseling and get your head screwed on straight - ex wife, another child, now this mess. Doesn't seem like you are making proper choices when it comes to women AND bringing innocent children into what is a psychotic mess. You can't undo what you've done, but high time to grow up and get your act together and start cleaning up the mess you've created, aka protect your child from an unhinged alcoholic and be the sane, safe parent to them because she is not capable. No way should you be considering being with this woman and again, work on getting full custody of your kid.

I agree get full custody then tell her to shove it.

Unless your parents are dangerous and treat your kids badly, than this is a drunken, nonsense demand.

No good mother would deny decent grandparents contact with her child.

I agree with the others. Get a lawyer to push for full custody and you decide who sees your kids. Protect them from negativity and danger and exposure to substance abuse.

She is being completely unreasonable. She has no right to tell you who you should or shouldn't have in your life..especially your parents!!!

Tell her to shove it. Who does she think she is to demand this of you!!

My spouse hating or not getting along with my family would be a dealbreaker IMO. How dare she expects you to choose between them. I get it she doesn't like them, doesn't mean you have to cut all ties. She needs to grow up, and be an adult. Dangling the kids in front of you speaks volumes about her as a person. She's nasty.

Well I just want to thank everybody for the replies your answers are just as I suspected sometimes you can start to question your own opinions and your answers I just made my decision to let her go more concrete and yes I have I've been seeing a counsellor. At least now I know I made the right decision telling her to shove it where the sun don't shine

If she loved you, Jason, she would respect the fact that you want/need your parents in your life, even if she doesn't get on with them.

You made the right decision.

I'll go against the grain here. A compromise could work if both of you are willing to reach a resolution somehow. There are times when someone has to acquiesce in order to prevent arguments and fights from escalating. Someone has to be the bigger person if peace is the goal.

There is a reason she vehemently hates your parents and kids. However, manipulation is wrong. Would it be possible if both of you could agree that you will continue relationships with your parents and kids as long as she is not present? Family reunions and togetherness should never be forced nor should anyone partake in these gatherings against one's will especially if there's "bad blood."

I don't think you should tell her to "shove it." There is a way to make everyone feel satisfied by enforcing healthy boundaries.

I'm not exactly jumping for joy every single time I'm included in obligatory family functions with relatives and in-laws due to past transgressions. However, if those offenses were worse than they were, I too would've given my husband ultimatums to be fair to both of us. I would never forbid him from seeing his family whatsoever. However, I have every right to feel safe, secure and protect myself by not placing myself in deliberate harm's way. I'd tell him to go have fun with his relatives as long as I can remain at home and relax with peace of mind. Granted, it's not the optimal arrangement but at least both sides get what they want while maintaining peace.

Oh I tried all of that I tried to compromise I told her that we can limit the amount that we see my parents but she was having no part of it. She's very much at it's my way or the highway type person I told her I wasn't fond of her drinking she told me if I didn't like it I could leave looking back on it now I probably should have.

If she loved you, Jason, she would respect the fact that you want/need your parents in your life, even if she doesn't get on with them.

 

You made the right decision.

seconded .......

Oh I tried all of that I tried to compromise I told her that we can limit the amount that we see my parents but she was having no part of it. She's very much at it's my way or the highway type person I told her I wasn't fond of her drinking she told me if I didn't like it I could leave looking back on it now I probably should have.

Then show her the highway.

"Should I stay or should I go

So this is going to be lengthy but bear with me as you need to hear everything.

My son's mother and I broke up almost a year ago and recently we've reconnected and I would love to get back together with her but I have some issues with how she is when it comes to my family she absolutely despises my mom and tells me my mom is not welcome in her house and my mom the same about her. She's also a very temperamental person she gets angry at the smallest things she doesn't want me conversing with my daughter's mom (yes I have a daughter from a previous marriage). She doesn't want me to go to school functions if her mother is there she doesn't want me to go to parent-teacher meetings with her nothing she doesn't even want me talking to her at all on the phone she loses her mind if she finds out I switched a custody day with her or anything like that. She tells me she doesn't want our son around my parents.

She also likes to drink and when she drinks and gets drunk she attacks me and throws everything from the past when we broke up in my face constantly now I'm not saying I'm innocent in our previous break up I did keep some Financial things from her. But she just gets furious at the smallest things she got mad at me the other day because I put my son to bed and left him with my sister while I went and got my daughter from Girl Guides and she blew her top I feel like it doesn't matter what I do I can never please this woman I almost feel like she's bipolar she loves me one day and hates me the next am I just crazy or does she seem nuts. She thinks there's something going on with me and my ex-wife which there is not I just try to keep a good relationship with my ex-wife for my daughter sake to make our lives easier while co-parenting. I love her but I don't know if I can handle this kind of stuff all the time"

Everyone advised you to leave her in the earlier post, yet you are still there. Have you considered for a moment how unhealthy your relationship with this woman is to your children?

You know the answer, just as it is wrong to forbid you from having any interaction with your ex. I wonder why you seek advice, as you are still with this woman. Dude, get a backbone and do what is right for your kids. End it with this nutcase!