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Hi all,

 

I met a girl on a dating app. We went out and had a fun time together. I contacted her after and told her that I enjoyed the time with her and that I wanted to see her again. She told me that she was going to be moving for a temporary work assignment in another state. She and I both didn't want to do long-distance but figured maybe we could try again when she came back in 6 months. We kept in contact for a month and she invited to me visit her. I did and we had great time together. She came back to our home state with me as she wanted to visit friends and family. We traveled together and when we got to our home state we spent the whole day together in bed at her place. When I was about to leave we discussed us and she said she didn't want to do long distance and if we were in the same state then she would want to date but she isn't planning on coming back for a while and said she is going to take another temporary work assignment in another state. This was upsetting to me because the entire time we acted like we were in a relationship and I had grown attached. She said she wanted us to keep ourselves open to possibility of new people and experiences. I told her I liked her a lot and that I wanted her but she a was firm that she was not going to move back to our home state for "a guy" or for a "maybe" in regards to us working out. She also said that she was not going to be exclusive including sleeping with other people. This upset me greatly but I reluctantly accepted that she had made life decisions before meeting me and I told her that I needed space to get over her and then I could be her friend. I told her I couldn't be her friend with my feelings and knowing she would be dating other people. She was upset by this saying she wanted to get to know me better but I told her I couldn't do it. She ends up going back to her state and initiates contact with me multiple times. The conversation of us comes back up and it's the same responses on both ends. In us talking it is revealed that she slept with someone while she was back in our home state and before returning to her work assignment. I was extremely hurt and I told her that I no longer wished to talk to her and to stop contacting me. She, of course doesn't, and tells me that she likes me and that she never likes anyone enough to date but she does with me and that when she is back in a year she would want to date but right now she is in transition and wants to see what else is out there. I told her I understand but that doesn't change the fact that she slept with someone else and right after sleeping with me. I told her it was over. Now I know it is over and I am moving on but she still contacts me and sends me sweet things like pictures of us together and romantic memes. I just want to know if anyone has been through this. Has anyone put themself out there, been rejected, and then had the other person not let you go. Why is she messing with my head?

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She, of course doesn't, and tells me that she likes me and that she never likes anyone enough to date but she does with me and that when she is back in a year she would want to date but right now she is in transition and wants to see what else is out there.

 

 

This makes no sense, it contradicts itself. If you finally found someone you like enough to pursue, you don't go into "transition to see what else is out there."

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she's making excuses because she's not falling in love with you. She's young and just wants to date around. Some people are like that, especially when they are young. Some young hot girls have so many choices in men, so many men coming at them, they just don't care if they hurt anybody - why should they care when there is a line of men for them to choose from. You have to cut contact with her, block and delete.

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She doesn't care about your feelings and that every time she contacts you, it brings you back to square one for closure. I don't understand that with today's technology and the ability to block on every venue, why you haven't done that.

 

Try Meetup.com as a good place to join activities for singles in your age group. There are other cute women out there who are ready to be in a relationship. You have to get out there and meet them instead of wasting time on a dead end.

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You can't control what she does, you only control what you do. So there is no such thing as the other person not letting go. You are the one who is allowing this contact to continue. If this isn't working for you, then be true to your words and follow through with actions by blocking her for good. If you want to keep playing this game with her, then carry on with the contact. You can end this any time you want to.

 

To put it simply, she is not that into you, but likes the ego stroking you are providing her. This is already long dead in the water and at this point all she is doing is playing you and will continue to play you for as long as you continue to allow it. Bottom line is you've shown her that your words mean nothing and so you cannot be respected and when a woman doesn't respect you....game over.

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I don’t see the issue with what the girl is doing. She may have commitment issues, but a relationship is a big commitment. Not a lot of people can handle long distance relationships depending on their love language and how they preferred to be loved, and she also doesn’t sound like the type to want to risk a career for a non guaranteed relationship. I 100% understand. She just wants to explore a little bit before deciding to tie herself down. I would rather her do that vs her tying herself to a relationship that she’s unsure that she wants. It’s very easy to like someone and think that the clear option is to just get together and date, but life isn’t always that black and white for everyone. I’m glad she was honest about it instead of jumping into something she wasn’t ready for. A lot of people end up cheating because they get tempted into trying out new things that they weren’t able to try out since they were constantly in relationships, so I don’t blame her for wanting to live her life and experimenting before settling down. Relationships will always be there whenever you’re ready to settle down. But either way, you don’t have to wait for her and she doesn’t have to wait for you either. I’m sure when she moves back, she’ll inevitably find someone eventually.

 

I also don’t understand why you got upset about her sleeping with someone else? She directly stated that she did not want to be exclusive, and she would like to still explore her options. She is single, and so are you. She clearly communicated her intentions, and so did you. So I am confused on why you felt so upset that she decided to sleep with someone else? Just because you like her, it doesn’t mean she’s not going to be attracted to other people, nor does it mean she’s not going to explore and have sex. As long as it’s safe, it’s her body and she can do what she wants. I understand that you’re hurt because you like her, but you guys aren’t together. You’re expecting loyalty in a monogamous way that would only happen if you guys were together, which you aren’t. Even if she did like you, it is very possible to have a crush on someone and still explore options. Not everyone solely likes one person and only focuses on that one person. It’s possible to like someone and still want to have sex with others. I understand you wouldn’t want her to do that, but again, you guys weren’t exclusive, and she didn’t want anything long distance at the moment. I would rather her explore instead of rushing into a relationship where she would feel restricted.

 

Either way, she does like you and she still probably wants to be friends, so she keeps contacting you. But as you said yourself, you can’t be friends with someone that you deeply like and want something more out of, which is okay. I think it’s best to just block her and cease all communication since you no longer wish to speak with her. That way you won’t even see if she texts you or not, and I’m sure she will get the hint.

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she is clearly not over you, if you have to move on i say block her off everywhere, so you are not left confused and hurt. its tough but hang in there, take time off, its important for your well being.

 

I appreciate the support. I have been doing well with moving on. It hurts from time to time and I am disappointed to have this fail but it is what it is. I just don't understand why she rejected to be with me but then also wants to stay close to me

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This makes no sense, it contradicts itself. If you finally found someone you like enough to pursue, you don't go into "transition to see what else is out there."

 

I agree with you. I told her that but she insists she cares. I told her she doesn't care enough 🤷♂️

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Sorry to hear this. She sounds too torn/confused to date. Is there someone else she is on/off with? At best this will waste your time at worst you'll get burned. Bid her farewell, cut your losses.

 

I agree that she is confused and I feel like there must be someone else in the picture. I asked if she was in love with someone else and she said no. I don't think there is anyone particular that is "special", rather I think she has a few suitors. Who? I don't know, but I told her I wasn't going to be on the rotation.

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she's making excuses because she's not falling in love with you. She's young and just wants to date around. Some people are like that, especially when they are young. Some young hot girls have so many choices in men, so many men coming at them, they just don't care if they hurt anybody - why should they care when there is a line of men for them to choose from. You have to cut contact with her, block and delete.

 

I normally agree with the young and many options hypothesis but she is in her 30s. Way too old to be playing those games.

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She doesn't care about your feelings and that every time she contacts you, it brings you back to square one for closure. I don't understand that with today's technology and the ability to block on every venue, why you haven't done that.

 

I have tried to avoid blocking her because I am trying not to play games. It might have to come to that, though. I find it interesting that she reaches out the way she does but, if it keeps up, it will aggravate me to the point where I may have to block her.

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I have tried to avoid blocking her because I am trying not to play games. I don't understand this statement. Playing games would be trying to get her back in some way by manipulation or some other means. Doing what's best for yourself and removing yourself from a situation that isn't right for you isn't playing games. It's being smart.

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You can't control what she does, you only control what you do. So there is no such thing as the other person not letting go. You are the one who is allowing this contact to continue. If this isn't working for you, then be true to your words and follow through with actions by blocking her for good. If you want to keep playing this game with her, then carry on with the contact. You can end this any time you want to.

 

To put it simply, she is not that into you, but likes the ego stroking you are providing her. This is already long dead in the water and at this point all she is doing is playing you and will continue to play you for as long as you continue to allow it. Bottom line is you've shown her that your words mean nothing and so you cannot be respected and when a woman doesn't respect you....game over.

 

I have resolved to understand this. Thank you for the advice

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Either way, she does like you and she still probably wants to be friends, so she keeps contacting you. But as you said yourself, you can’t be friends with someone that you deeply like and want something more out of, which is okay. I think it’s best to just block her and cease all communication since you no longer wish to speak with her. That way you won’t even see if she texts you or not, and I’m sure she will get the hint.

 

I agree. I hate to cut people out. Most people respect your wishes. Thank you for the advice.

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Just tell her:

 

" You have fun and enjoy your transition. I won't be hanging around in your orbit though. If you want to have a proper exclusive relationship, get in touch, otherwise, good luck."

 

You don't need to block her, if you have the discipline to ignore breadcrumbs and refuse to engage in inanities that stroke her ego.

 

It sounds like she's been reading that narcissistic eat pray love nonsense.

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