Jump to content

How do I stop loving my ex


Recommended Posts

Hello everyone, my ex and I broke up 10 months ago but I find it very hard to move on,I still love him so much and get hurt whenever he posts his new gf's pix.

I sleep with his thought in my head and still wake up thinking about him, I tried remembering the bad memories but I keep remembering the good ones and find myself loving him and hurting the more.

What is more painful is that he changed after few months and told me he realized his mistakes already and wants us to come back,I thought it was a lie and didnt agree,he moved on and then met this new gf and I noticed he has changed truly,he's putting all his energy to make the relationship work out(the reason why we broke up,he let's go after small misunderstanding and will still come back again begging)he called yesterday and told me how he's trying all his best for his new relationship cos he doesn't wanna lose her just like me and I still told him to be serious with her cos good girls are now scarce even though it was a very painful thing to say.

He wants to be cool friends and still asks us to meet up for friendship sake cos he thought have moved on too,I don't know how to tell him It hurts talking abt his new gf.I wish him well with his new relationship but I just wanna move on and stop loving him..he doesn't even know I'm hurting because of him...pls i need help

Link to comment

For a start, try this video-

 

You are right to not want to be friends right now. It hurts YOU too much and it wouldn’t be authentic anyway...

 

Take good care of your health. You will need it to get through this...but eventually, you will*

 

Carus*

Link to comment

Sorry to hear this. How long were you dating and what was the breakup about? He's not your friend. Block and delete him and all his people from all your messaging apps social media and devices. This way you could focus on moving forward. Who cares what he wants?

 

Think for yourself and get out of this haze. Get involved with your real friends and start enjoying your life. Do not pine or dwell or bother watching material about exes. That type of thing simply starts the refocusing on him process and is therefore quite detrimental. When you engage in reading/watching material about exes, it puts them back in the forefront, facilitates rumination and wastes your time and energy on thoughts of them rather than your own life.

he called yesterday and told me how he's trying all his best for his new relationshipHe wants to be cool friends and still asks us to meet up for friendship
Link to comment
Do not pine or dwell or bother watching material about exes. That type of thing simply starts the refocusing on him process and is therefore quite detrimental. When you engage in reading/watching material about exes, it puts them back in the forefront, facilitates rumination and wastes your time and energy on thoughts of them rather than your own life.

Whilst I agree, did you actually look at the link I posted...?

 

Then again, perhaps you weren’t actually referring to that in particular....

 

Carus*

Link to comment

Step away. Give yourself the time and space you need to heal. Talking to him, seeing his posts, and him reaching out to you is just like removing the thin, thin scab that has built from the wound of the break up. That wound needs space and time to heal appropriately and it won't happen if it is not left to do that. The best thing you can do for your own well-being is delete him from social media and block his number. It takes a lot of will power to do that, but it's gonna be better than sitting with this pain for way longer than you have to. Hang in there. Break ups are tough, but I am confident you can get through it.

Link to comment

I agree that you should unfollow him on social media so you don't see what he's up to and it he contacts you again, ask him to not contact you again. you cannot be friends with him because you have feelings and he has a girlfriend, so your wish is that he would accept your wishes and not contact you again. And block him on social media, too

Link to comment

First off. Take him off of the pedestal. I know it stings and it hurts and you are probably thinking that it should be you that should be his GF, but you will have to accept that it is over and that you are not his GF. I know it sucks and Im sorry. Its like you helped him out to be a better person and another person is reaping the rewards. I get it..

So I understand what you are doing and why you are doing it. I have been where you are and I can tell you that if you continue this course, you are going to feel more hurt with every passing day. Every day you see him happy with his GF is another day that the wound stays open. Then you try to be his 'friend' in hopes that if he becomes single, you will be there. This thinking is absolutely counter productive and Ill tell you why.

The more you hang around or you are available to him, the easier it is for him to emotionally detach from you. Every day that goes by, he will see you more and more as a friend and less and less as a potential GF. You are moving into the friendzone if you are not already there. Also being in his life means that its going to be torture for you. You will go home and analyze every word, every look, every gesture every move or step and the more and more you do this, the crazier you will get because you are going to be looking for any sign that there is a chance. Quit torturing yourself.

So if you really want to know how to stop "loving" your X? You purge him from your life and in time, you will think about him less and less and when you find another guy to date, eventually you wont think of your X at all. And BTW, even if you try to think about the 'bad times' you are still thinking about him. Its like if you look at a phone number every day and you say to yourself. Im going to forget 213-555-1234. The more you think about it, the longer the wound stays open.

So you purge him from your life. That means (and you are not going to like this) 1. you stop all communication.. Normally I dont advocate this but in your case I think its best. You are not strong enough to handle limited contact and I think no contact is best. 2. you delete him from your electronic life. Any footprint in your digital life must be deleted. Every web site, social media, every message, email, any pictures you have of him must be deleted. This is for you! This is so you cant "accidently" see them or look at them when you have weak moments. And this means you delete his number off of your phone even if you have it memorized. 3. You keep busy, you rely on your friends, family and use them as your support group. 4. Go discover that person that attracted your X in the first place. That person is in there and just needs to come out. Do things that make you happy and 5. Quit looking for him and live your life.

Do this and you will make room in your life and in your heart for someone else to come along. You can do this.

Link to comment

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...