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Thread: Kept in the dark

  1. #1

    Kept in the dark

    So I'm a 26 year old female living with my parents and my partner is a 28 year old male also living with his mum, we are an hour and 45 minute drive away from each other and have been together for 11 months, we only get to see each other 1 day a week for half the day. Almost everything in our relationship is perfect except I have never met a single member of his family, his mum doesn't seem to like me or want to meet me because we kept our relationship quite for the first 2 months and the fact she didn't know is apparently unforgivable, so I'm told. I'm told it's hard to meet his brothers because they have special needs, but I'm kept a secret, only his older brother knows about me and cannot tell the rest of the family, if his mum found out he knew there'd be hell to pay. My boyfriend has meet all my family, even been to family weddings etc and gets on really well with everyone, it's just the secrecy around his side of the family I don't like. My dad seems to think he has another girlfriend, which sounds crazy, but then again I only see him once a week in the evenings, he can't see me any other time because his mum has him on a tracking app and she would freak out if she knew he was at mine, because he has younger special needs brothers who need him more. We're saving for a house and often talk about having kids in the future, he's very mature, except when it comes to his mum and me asking if I can meet her. I don't know if it actually is his mum being controlling or if he is hiding something. Any thoughts?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member SGH's Avatar
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    He has another girlfriend. You've been "together" for almost a year and there's been no progression. Even if you're not a side piece, the fact that the relationship isn't deepening is a huge red flag. Maybe find someone local who doesn't keep you a secret from their friends and family.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    How is he going to secretly marry you and have children with you?

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this. How did you meet? Are you from a different culture? Is he married? Listen to your father. It sounds like "mum" is his wife. You can do much better than this guy. Listen to your family and your instincts.
    Originally Posted by Fx Penguin
    I have never met a single member of his family. if his mum found out he knew there'd be hell to pay. My dad seems to think he has another girlfriend. his mum has him on a tracking app and she would freak out if she knew he was at mine.

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  6. #5
    Gold Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    Do you seriously want to get involved with a 28 year old man who allows his mummy to track him with an app?

  7. #6
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    This guy is either married or has a girlfriend he is living with. All this stuff about mamma having a tracking device on him is ridiculous. You are foolish to believe this. He's got something hidden in his life that you just dont know about. Find a guy who lives close to you and is an open book.

  8. #7
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    This does not sound good and he does not sound trustworthy OP. Sorry.

    All his talk of marriage and kids and living together sounds great but as someone already said for this to happen you have to stop being a secret to his family so currently it's just words. They don't mean anything.

    If I were you I would end it or give him a deadline for him to tell his family about you so you can meet them. If he refuses you know hes full of it.

  9. #8
    The thing is I'm online with him most nights and he'll facetime me almost every night before we go to sleep and Ive seen his room, he's definitely not living with a wife or girlfriend. We met at my best friends wedding, my best friend is also his best friend so we do have friends together and hang out with them often. It's literally only his mum that I'm kept a secret from, no one else, but the tracking device is really annoying me and he won't get rid of it.

  10. #9
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    I have heard stories like this involving adult children whose parent(s) were clinical narcissists. It's typical narcissistic abuse, and the children never actually "grow up" and are controlled by the parent(s). This is a possibility. But there's no way I would carry on assuming this was the case, you need to know the truth to be able to move forward as this behavior is stunting. Even if he's a victim of narc. abuse, it takes years and years of therapy to break the cycle. Look up the term, "Echoist"

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    Don't get involved with a guy beyond two months who won't let you into his home. He probably has a girlfriend/wife there that he would not like you to meet.

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