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Thread: My Wife Emotional Relation with another Men; What would help?

  1. #1
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    My Wife Emotional Relation with another Men; What would help?

    Hello there everybody I am new here and in need of your advice;
    We are attending Couples Counselling right now; The issue now is that until four months ago we were both meting this person and having a chat with this third person until four months ago when I noticed that they were using me as a back up insurance as his wife was warning me about how close they were getting; When I noticed my wife detaching from other friends and family and solely following this third person I retracted and warned my wife that I was losing her;

    He is working as a Manager and according to my wife he gives her guidance and direction in life; My wife went into tirade when I asked her to limit the conversations on phone; My wife is just going back to work on this Monday after 1 year maternity leave but being home with baby he was calling and talking to her almost the whole day as he talks through earbuds nobody knows that he is chatting while working.

    Two days ago a new program started; She left the house without telling me where she was going; I have a GPS Tracker she is unaware of; She went to the same spot we used to meet him for almost 1 year prior; She just lied and said she was just meeting some people for baby sitting when I confronted her regarding not telling me where she was going.

    I contacted Marriage Councillor regarding this matter; and they are saying that for her its like a small kid going for a chocolate; I can not stop her from going to him as that is what she likes to do; and they asked me what am I gonna do to make her stop? Councillor said that if I tell her about tracker than she will use another method to get in contact; So, how do you guys confront this?

    I do not want to divorce and make her realize her error in judgement; Yesterday was very hard for me as I am starting to lose a trust in her and I do really want to trust her; This third person wife warned me early on regarding this attachment he was having with my wife and said to be careful with this one as he has magnetic personality and has lots of other girls he is talking to; My wife blames me and says that I took his help when I need it and she wants to change his flaws as he is helping her in other ways.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    I personally think you need to confront her now and put this in the open. It's an obvious issue, she is getting closer and closer to him emotionally and you don't want a divorce but it won't stop it if she decides she wants one.

    The fact that she is lying to you about going to go and see him, is a huge red flag that this is not innocent and it is turning more into an affair.

    You can't force her to stop (as the marriage counsellor said) but you should at least put it out in the open and find out where you and your marriage stands.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    Did the couples counselor flat out tell her that to save your marriage, she needs to totally cut contact with the man she's having an emotional affair with?

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    Well she is cheating so i'm not sure what you can do.

    You cannot physically hold her hostage in the house. If she is unwilling to work on whatever issues she has with you then i can't see their is much you can do other than say it's him or me and start seeking legal advice.

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  6. #5
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    Originally Posted by Andrina
    Did the couples counselor flat out tell her that to save your marriage, she needs to totally cut contact with the man she's having an emotional affair with?

    My wife is already agreed that she is having an emotional connection with him and nothing is wrong with that; she needs him for guidance and life understanding that she mentioned to Marriage councelor, She is trying to change him in return;

    And marriage councelor wants me to focus on us and forget about the third party, my wife does not want to bring the third party into conversation at counselling as its about us and not him according to her;
    She wants me to give up using phone for entertainment and watching TV or any other activity and only focus on her solely; its like I constantly have to myself to her as she says the other guy has great personally, leadership skills and big friend circle which I do not; He is like a magnet to her.

    Its like a battle I can not win trying to impress my wife and trying to convince her that I am better than him.

  7. #6
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    She needs to cut all contact with him and find another job; otherwise, she will continue to cheat on you.

    She is cheating and disrespecting you to your face, and you are allowing it to continue. If this does not stop, you should end the marriage.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    I'm sorry, but I would find a different marriage counsellor.

    This one seems to be excusing your wifes blatant cheating and it is cheating if she is getting this close to another man and it's affecting your marriage.
    The counsellor wants you to ignore it? Focus on you and her but forget that there's another guy that is hearing your wife's deepest thoughts and they are meeting on the sly?

    No way would people be okay with this. It's not okay.

    I predict that if you sit around and continue to not say a word, you will eventually watch them walk off together.

  9. #8
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    Originally Posted by canadien
    My wife is already agreed that she is having an emotional connection with him and nothing is wrong with that; she needs him for guidance and life understanding that she mentioned to Marriage councelor, She is trying to change him in return;

    And marriage councelor wants me to focus on us and forget about the third party, my wife does not want to bring the third party into conversation at counselling as its about us and not him according to her;
    She wants me to give up using phone for entertainment and watching TV or any other activity and only focus on her solely; its like I constantly have to myself to her as she says the other guy has great personally, leadership skills and big friend circle which I do not; He is like a magnet to her.

    Its like a battle I can not win trying to impress my wife and trying to convince her that I am better than him.
    This is called an emotional affair. It is worse than a physical affair. It sounds like she is in love with this guy.

    I think that you should find a new therapist.

    How insulting "she says the other guy has great personally, leadership skills and big friend circle which I do not; He is like a magnet to her." I'm sorry, but you need to wake up. f not for you, then your child.

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    My baby first birthday is coming next month and the third party and my wife wants to have a big hall party that would cost around $1,500 and invite all relatives to the party; I feel totally alone at this time and I want everything to just stop.
    Until now I was getting involed with third persons family with vacation, Christmas party and visiting their house as they have two kids also;

    I felt I was just helping my wife connect with cousin so I never said no to going to movies to meeting together I never imagined that it would turn into this; Counselor wants me to stop all interaction with third party.
    Is it OK if I just make birthday party at home for my family;

    My parents who we share house with come from India next month; I am her back up as she takes me to see him; Should I just say no and what you wish to do with him?

  11. #10
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    Originally Posted by canadien
    My baby first birthday is coming next month and the third party and my wife wants to have a big hall party that would cost around $1,500 and invite all relatives to the party; I feel totally alone at this time and I want everything to just stop.
    Until now I was getting involed with third persons family with vacation, Christmas party and visiting their house as they have two kids also; I felt I was just helping my wife connect with cousin so I never said no to going to movies to meeting together I never imagined that it would turn into this; Counselor wants me to stop all interaction with third party.
    Is it OK if I just make birthday party at home for my family.
    Stop being such a doormat and put your foot down. Tell her you are not having a big party.

    The counselor is okay with her interaction with this guy?

    Your main concern should be, that your wife is cheating right in front of your face. She has moved on from your relationship. She is in love with this guy.

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