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Thread: What should I do?

  1. #1

    What should I do?

    So I have been with my fiancť for over a year, we just had a child together 2 months ago. When I was pregnant I wouldnít have sex with him however he said it wasnít a big deal and it didnít bother him that he would never go stray to someone else. Well a few weeks ago i went through his phone and found out that he has been seeing this older woman (42) he is (25) and they have been sleeping together. When I found out he begged me not to leave him, Cried freaking out and said he didnít love her itís just this older woman he used to work with and the opportunity presented itself. I do believe this woman doesnít really mean anything to him from the messages I saw it didnít seem romantic. I have been trying to decide if I want to stay with him, he seemed to be very apologetic and regretful. I have been really really hurting about this, and it has made me feel like crap about myself and I ended up talking to this other guy Online for 4 days I never even met him, it was just a bit flirty nothing crazy and he found out about it and now he wants absolutely nothing to do with me he kicked me out of his house and refuses to speak to me and says we are done. I am so confused as to why he would let us go so easily over me just flirting a little online when he was having an affair for 6 months.... I really love this man but it seems Iím the one that loves him more I donít know if I should try to get him back or move on. Besides the cheating he is a good man and very good to me.

  2. #2
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    He is apologetic, because you caught him. You would never have found out and he would have continued cheating on you.

    He does/did not love you. If he did he would not have cheated on you. He is NOT a good man. A good man does not cheat on his partner, nor throw the mother of his child out on the street for a mild flirtation-which was also wrong. I have to wonder why you would want someone back who has treated you so badly!

    Time to get to the courts and file for support. Why did you rush into parenthood etc....? If you had gotten to know him better, you would of known what a POS he was.

  3. #3
    Super Moderator HeartGoesOn's Avatar
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    A "good man" does not cheat on you, nor does he kick you and your 2 month old baby (his child, as well) out of the house. BTW, where are you living at this time? Also, how old are the both of you?

    This is not the time to shop around for new people of interest, it's time to act like adults and focus on this innocent baby. These are the type of threads that are absolutely heartbreaking.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    I presume you are meeting the "real" him. Since you were together only a bit over a year and had a baby two months ago, that means you got pregnant 3 or 4 months after you two got together. So you didn't know enough about him to know he was a hypocritical cheater.

    And "besides the cheating he's a good man"? A "good man" throws out his two month old baby and the baby's mother? That doesn't meet my definition of a "good man".

    Please see an attorney about setting up a child support and visitation agreement. And forget about "Oh, I can't do that because I don't want to make him MAD!!" Do it for your child, not for yourself or for him.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    You need a lawyer, now.

    Sounds like you two didn't take time to get to know each other well enough to make a mature decision to have a baby. How old are both of you?

    He's not a good catch, he's a sneak and a cheater. You were foolish to start talking to some random guy online, that sounds like getting revenge.

  7. #6
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    Perhaps he saw you flirting with someone else as getting back at him? He didn't like that you were mad at him for having an affair but then thought it wasn't fair that you could turn around and do it to him (even if it was only flirting). That doesn't excuse his actions or make them right. I'm just trying to put things in his perspective. It's also easier to lash out as someone else then to admit your faults. Your actions gave him a justification for what he did and made it easier to run from his part in all this.

    The top priority here should be the child. If the guy is unwilling to work things out, you need to focus on splitting up and getting care for the child. And even if he was willing to work on things, you would need to consider if that environment would be healthy for the baby.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Where are you living now? Unfortunately you'll need to go to the doctor for STD testing. You'll also need to file for child support on behalf of your child.

  9. #8
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    Your relationship with your child's father is too toxic to put back together.

    You didn't know his true colours until recently, unfortunately, but he doesn't love you. It's time to speak an attorney so you can organize formal visitation/custody, and move on from him. He's not a good man.


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