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Thread: My Wife Emotional Relation with another Men; What would help?

  1. #121
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    Hey there;
    So, after going to multiple sessions at Marriage councilor; the Therapist has concluded that my wife is not just a friend with the Third Party and there is Real Affair going on that I enabled and it is hurting our marriage.

    According to the Therapist; The Third party has a Narcissistic Personality Disorder and they have abused my trust by putting me on a Guilt trip and making me go along with their dubious plans like talking late in the night with my wife or meeting him outside; This can not continue.

    Therapist said that his wife will not take any action as this has happened before in their relationship; So, its up to me to stand up and set boundaries on what is acceptable.

    Therapist wants a NO contact Rule implemented and followed Immediately.


    Therapist Recommendation:

    I did not do anything wrong; I am not guilty and I do not need to prove anything.

    I have to internalize my confidence and built strong my core values that are required for the Healthy marriage.

  2. #122
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Your "therapist" can not make that determination without evidence and she can not make third party diagnoses. Stop talking to his wife and her nonsense . This therapist sounds wholly incompetent if what you claim is happening. Is the therapist out to lunch enough to suggest that a married couple living together "implement no contact rule".
    Originally Posted by canadien
    Therapist has concluded that my wife is not just a friend with the Third Party and there is Real Affair going on
    According to the Therapist; The Third party has a Narcissistic Personality Disorder
    Therapist wants a NO contact Rule implemented

  3. #123
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Your "therapist" can not make that determination without evidence and she can not make third party diagnoses. Stop talking to his wife and her nonsense . This therapist sounds wholly incompetent if what you claim is happening. Is the therapist out to lunch enough to suggest that a married couple living together "implement no contact rule".
    There is very important thing that my Therapist said;

    I do not need any evidence to know if my wife is having an affair; I can see and observe from her actions from last two years; I know my spouse more than anyone else and I can spot the changes in her;

    If your spouse keeps day dreaming about another guy; and talking to him all the time and has distance her self from other relatives then something is a miss.

    The "No Contact Rule" is to bring the neutrality and balance into our relationship; We still talk to all her other friends and relatives; she is not restricted in her lifestyle because of these one friendship.

    If the affair partner remains present in a social setting from which the unfaithful partner cannot immediately separate, then the couple should work together to send clear messages that their marriage/relationship is secure and off-limits to others. Every attempt should be made for the betrayed partner to feel welcomed and wanted in the places that were touched by the affair.


    If the affair was emotional (feelings of love) and if it was discovered (not ended on its own or confessed), then ongoing interactions between the affair partners will almost certainly result in the continuation of their relationship.




    In normal marriage or relationship you do not keep in contact with another men unless there is more then a friendship; We have many people come and go so why would one person who did not exist two years ago give so much grief?

  4. #124
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Is it an arranged marriage? She seems to prefer talking to her cousin-in-law than to you for some reason an you prefer chitchatting with her jealous cousin about your theories, tracking devices etc. But what are you actually doing to improve your marriage or get divorced?. Can you remarry her cousin and she could marry this cousin-in-law? Would there be issues in your culture if you wanted a divorce?

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  6. #125
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Is it an arranged marriage? She seems to prefer talking to her cousin-in-law than to you for some reason an you prefer chitchatting with her jealous cousin about your theories, tracking devices etc. But what are you actually doing to improve your marriage or get divorced?. Can you remarry her cousin and she could marry this cousin-in-law? Would there be issues in your culture if you wanted a divorce?
    When did I say I am chit chatting with her cousin? One of the requirement for NC rule was to let the other spouse know; and then detach from all of them.

    It is not my responsibility to know if his wife stops him from interacting with other Women; He already has a pattern of having emotional relation with another women so if its not my wife than it will be someone one else in the future; not my problem.

    For now, Therapist has advised me to observe the situation and be very cautious moving forward; its hard to anticipate what tricks coming out from him or my wife.

    As u can see I am trying to preserve my marriage; and all my actions is geared toward reconciliation; I am not trying to break my marriage if you can see the pattern.

  7. #126
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    Did your wife agree to this?

  8. #127
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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    Did your wife agree to this?
    Yes She has agreed to this condition;
    This is a must requirement before we can get back on the same page to look at where we need to put our attention and to make positive gestures toward each other.

    Once she is over her limerence or So called Fog; and then we can make big advances toward reconciliation; We need to put each other first and make walls around our relation that no outsider can penetrate.

    Definition of Affair Fog and what my fight is against:

    Soon the cheating spouse begins to actually believe these lies that they have been telling themselves and therefore act accordingly by treating their spouse badly yet treating their affair partner in a loving and affectionate way. This is how the affair addiction begins to take momentum.

    An affair fog is nothing more than a fantasy created by the affair partners. All the wonderful qualities each partner possess are without flaws, weaknesses or selfishness. The affair partners are under the influence of an addictive drug similar to a teenager in love, and unfortunately it is very difficult to remove them from this fog.




    •Memory Distortion. One way to make us feel better about our current choices is by changing the story of our past. Many betrayed spouses have experienced this method of truth-shifting when their husbands/wives rewrite their marriage history, making is something worse than it was. More quotes from Mistakes Were Made*: "Self-serving memory distortion [is a way of] 'getting what you want by revising what you had.' On the larger stage of the life cycle, many of us do just that: We misremember our history as being worse than it was, thus distorting our perception of how much we have improved, to feel better about ourselves now." "False memories allow us to forgive ourselves and justify our mistakes, but sometimes at a high price: an inability to take responsibility for our lives."

    •Gaslighting. In an attempt to protect their unstable account of events, some will resort to a strategy of manipulation to confuse the betrayed spouse in such a way as to make them question their memory, even their sanity. This form of mental abuse is often referred to as “gaslighting,” a term derived from the 1938 play, Gas Light, in which a husband attempts to convince his wife that she is insane by manipulating her experience of reality.
    Last edited by canadien; 03-12-2020 at 11:45 AM.

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