Am I in the right relationship

Hello all

I am hoping to get some advice from people who don’t know me. I have been in my current relationship for just over a year I’m mid forties and my partner is late thirties. We originally met some 20 years ago and had a brief fling, so it was amazing at first to reunite and have a relationship with the man I had always fancied and wished I had. I am a very flirtatious, social butterfly, he is quiet and introvert, although very kind, loyal and extremely faithful. My previous boyfriend was very extrovert and loved attention although secretly insecure so would get angry if I went out with friends and didn’t like the attention I got, he got aggressive on a couple of occasions. Although we had a lot of fun together, he had his own business and a lovely house. My current partner never gets angry and accepts me just the way I am, he also has his own small business but doesn’t make much money from it, I think he could expand with some business advice and experience, but certainly not imminently, I have a reasonable job but don’t earn that much money. My concern is the future and whether this person is going to make me happy, I have always wanted to move away from the area but don’t feel I could do this on my own in my current situation. I am looking for someone I can grow with, enjoy life. I am not sure that I could find someone quite like him, but on the other hand is it fulfilling enough ? I’m scared of making the wrong decision and regretting my actions in the future, any advice would be greatly appreciated. Andrea.

Are you on the rebound? Unfortunately you can't fix and change the new guy into the old guy business and money wise. It sounds like you have doubts about him. Now that the new guy isn't looking too good as far as the money and house you want, do you miss the old bf?

My previous boyfriend was very extrovert and loved attention although secretly insecure so would get angry if I went out with friends and didn’t like the attention I got, he got aggressive on a couple of occasions. Although we had a lot of fun together, he had his own business and a lovely house. I have always wanted to move away from the area but don’t feel I could do this on my own in my current situation.

So I’m in my 50s so is my husband and married 11 years. We dated seriously when we were younger then got back together. Anyway. If you don’t make much money is it fair do you think to expect a partner to provide for you by making more money ? If money is important to you or a certain life style what can you do to improve your finances? If you don’t respect and admire this person I’d let him find someone who does. My husband chose a career that doesn’t make as much money as another option he had but he followed his passion and that is one of the things I love and admire about him. But his chosen career gives him a very financially comfortable life style. Just that he “could “ have made more but been miserable. Which is unacceptable of course. But when I left grad school in my late 20s I went for the most lucrative career. And I was single. Saved a lot of money and knew I could marry someone whether or not we could be a one income family. There’s a lot to be said for financial independence and choosing a partner with compatible values.

To be honest it sounds like you don't love him or are in love with him so let him go. It's not fair for you to waste his time.

If you want to move away go and do it, no one else is responsilbe for making that happen for you, only you. You sound unhappy in life in general where you are so why not make a fresh start?

Stop being passive with your life and take ownership and make yourself happy.

You have to decide which is more important to you: love or money. This is because you have a greater chance of getting one without the other, than you do of getting both.

For the sake of argument, let's assume you have 100 prospective partners. 33 of the 100 will give you love but not wealth. 33 of the 100 will give you love and wealth. 34 of the 100 will give you wealth without love.

You have an equal chance at any of these options. But keep in mind that if you want both love and wealth, you only have a 33% shot. So, you have to prioritize.

You also have to decide how important this matter is to your overall happiness in life.

This reminds me of what I said the other day - women cost a lot of money!

I would say there are more important things to worry about when it comes to a relationship - such as mutual love, sanity, good attitudes, and finding someone with a minimum of problems, who is capable of sustaining a good long term relationship. But people want a pie-in-the-sky.

So you want someone who will pay for you to move somewhere else?

You comparison of the two men seems like you are choosing a partner not because they are a good fit for you, but mostly based on the fact he has every opposite attribute your ex had.

Choosing partners this way does not guarentee you a different result.

Sometimes we make the mistake of swinging too far to the other side.

From a practical standpoint, for me, a man is a package deal. I love nothing more than great character just like the next person however, "love don't pay the rent," honey.

Your current boyfriend is very kind, loyal and extremely faithful. While that's all well and good, you need to think about what type of future you will have with him. If you don't mind struggling financially together while married to a great guy, go for it. If a financially comfortable lifestyle is important to you, then reconsider whether or not your boyfriend is long term material. These are the questions you need to ask yourself.

Love and character does not conquer all. You have to remain pragmatic and rational otherwise you'll make your life more difficult and stressful than it needs to be. Stand back. This is how I look at it. Look at the big picture, Michell96.

What was the breakup about with the lovely house bf?

I’m mid forties. we had a lot of fun together, he had his own business and a lovely house.

First thoughts after reading your post are that you are considering breaking up because he doesn't earn much money. Most of your partners character is upside and you mention your ex had a good business and lovely house.

Personally I wouldn't break up with someone solely based on how much money they earnt. I also wouldn't want to date someone that judged a relationship solely based on how much money their partner earnt. Money doesn't buy you happiness.

Money doesn't buy you happiness.

- nor does it buy you love.