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Thread: Want her to feel comfortable but

  1. #1
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    Want her to feel comfortable but

    So I just got out of a year long relationship and one of the problems I ran into was making my girlfriend feel comfortable in her own skin while also looking good to me. My ex was very self conscious about her bad skin and her appearance and I worked really hard to try to make her feel beautiful and comfortable with or without makeup and regardless of what she was wearing. So after about a half year of dating she started getting more confident and comfortable wearing no make up and just basic sweats and casual clothes, which I was totally okay with I still loved her and thought she was super pretty, but then she would go out with friends or go to school events and she would get all dressed up and would wear makeup. This would make me kinda jealous as she wouldn’t even wear makeup or dress up for our dates anymore. Is this normal to be getting jealous/ disappointed about? And In the future how do I nicely tell a girl to get dressed up for me every once in awhile without sounding rude? Thx

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Be honest and tell her the truth and how you feel. Just be prepared for any scenario. She will either look nicer in public when she's out with you or become defiant and not change for you.

    Pick your battles. Is it worth the fight? There are times when you have to take the package deal in relationships. There's not everything you'll like about her nor will she like everything about your habits either. Either tolerate how she is, accept her as is or choose a girlfriend who will doll herself up for you especially when going out for a date night or for socializing in general.

    My husband and I wear our very comfortable "house clothes" and I only wear very minimal makeup at home. I rarely blow dry and curl my hair if I'm at home or out for local errands. I always wear lipstick in public just like my dear mother! However, should we go out to dinner, have a night on the town, go out anywhere nice or socialize, naturally we dial it up by donning our better wardrobe such as our "casual-dressy clothes." We'll wear our better shoes, too and I'll wear a dab of perfume. My husband shaves and clean shaven 7 days a week whenever he's out in public except when he mows the lawn on Saturdays or grocery shops. For going out, I wear natural-looking makeup, blow dry and curl my hair and I want to look my best not only for my husband but me, too. It makes us feel psychologically better and naturally we want to look our best in public. It's just us though. We don't walk around looking disheveled or as if we just climbed out of bed. It's simply not our way nor will it ever. It's just our habit which is here to stay.

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    It's great that she was so comfortable with you, but not great that she didn't feel the need to make an effort to please you. In a relationship, your partner should want to make you as happy as you make them. Dressing up a little is an easy way of doing that.

    I'm guessing that it won't occur again in the same way. If it does, be honest. Also, reenforce the behaviour you like. Make sure than when your partner does something that makes you happy, you don't just take it for granted.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this. Relationships end when you try to fix or change people and worse play doctor or therapist. It's good you both moved on from this very unhealthy relationship-killing dynamic..

    Next time what you see is what you get. Do not set out to control a woman's dress, makeup, etc. If you don't like what you see, move on. It sounds like you're not ready to date at the moment.
    Originally Posted by Nman4141
    I just got out of a year long relationship In the future how do I nicely tell a girl to get dressed up for me every once in awhile without sounding rude?

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    It’s natural for people to dress up for others who are also dressings up. So when setting a date, add the effort to make it sound special to you. “How about if we dress up and go to ...?”

    It makes no sense to expect any efforts from others that we aren’t putting in ourselves.


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