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Thread: I hurted my girlfriend, how can I ask for forgiveness, what else can I do ?

  1. #11

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    I just know that i will fight for that relationship to the end , i told her that.i will leave our home for 2 days now, give her some time alone and try to take her for some walk or something and try to talk with her, I know that shes really emotional makes her decisions like this in bad situations, so i hope she will change her mind and give me one last chance

  2. #12
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    You need to smarten up. You know what happens when you drink too much, so quit drinking. If you cant do that on your own, join AA and learn how to kick the alcohol habit. If she means as much to you as you say, then you need to move heaven and earth to make tangible progress to show her you mean it when you say you have quit drinking.

    Back off from pestering her too. She said a month, so leave her alone stop texting her, stop sending her things. Let her calm down and maybe in time she will talk to you and then you need to have proof you have done concrete things to show her you are not drinking anymore. Look up the local AA organization in your area.

  3. #13
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    Originally Posted by Paul1995
    ...she accepted flowers i think becouse they are standing on a main table in our home. Today i made a dinner for her but becouse I knew she doesnt want to eat with me I just told her that i made it and its ready on the table. 1 hr later i recieved a message on my phone that she thanks me for the dinner but I can stop trying as it wont change anything… i went outside for a walk and texted her my asking for forgiveness again and my will to change, and how much she means to me etc but she said she doesnt trust me no more becouse i said same thing last year and it happened again and that she doesnt want to be with a person like me no more….

    should I give her more time since its been only 2 days ? (We never had a longer „fight”) and than ask her again ?
    do You think she will forgive me ?
    Flowers, dinner, and crying does not resolve the problems you have with abusive behavior fueled by alcohol.

    At this point, she is not your girlfriend, she is protecting her safety and her heart.

    You need to focus on getting your proverbial sheet together. Your drinking and your behavior? Please address them with a professional. Seek counseling to learn how to recognize the negativities in your life and to resolve them.

    After that? Maybe address having romance in our fe again.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    You don't have to drink every day to have a problem with alcohol.

    You seem to be a binge drinker. You don't drink every day (or every week) but you don't seem to have much control over the number of drinks you have. And if you black out...yeah, you have a drinking problem.

    Do not attempt to contact her or send her any more gifts. Flowers and a meal won't cancel out your awful behavior (where do some men get the idea that all you have to do is buy a woman flowers or jewelry and she'll melt into their arms, all forgiving??). Work on getting your drinking problem handled, and then maybe start thinking about dating again. It'll be much better for you, I promise.

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  6. #15

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    Originally Posted by melancholy123
    You need to smarten up. You know what happens when you drink too much, so quit drinking. If you cant do that on your own, join AA and learn how to kick the alcohol habit. If she means as much to you as you say, then you need to move heaven and earth to make tangible progress to show her you mean it when you say you have quit drinking.

    Back off from pestering her too. She said a month, so leave her alone stop texting her, stop sending her things. Let her calm down and maybe in time she will talk to you and then you need to have proof you have done concrete things to show her you are not drinking anymore. Look up the local AA organization in your area.
    I know how to do that on my own, i just dont know how can I prove to her that I am taking every step needed to not let that situation happen again since we are still living together
    maybe she will see that i am not going out on the weekends but in that perspective I dont have a lot of time... my friend proposed to appoint a visit with a psychologist with me so I would had a chance to learn how to control my emotions and understand where that behaviour came from, I would work on myself and got a proof that i could show her that i am serious about it. I feel so devastaded ...

  7. #16
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    The problem here is she already gave you a chance to improve yourself yet you blew it. You drank too much the first time, provoked an argument with her without any reason, hurt her very badly, she broke up with you, forgave you, took you back and what did you do? YOU DID IT AGAIN! You drank on New Year's Eve and gave her the same repeated argument without any reason and this time she had enough. She was done and I don't blame her.

    I'll tell you about human nature which is universal as this has happened to me in my recent past. Once certain words had been blurted out whether verbal or in written form, all the apologies and remorse in the world won't make it better. Unfortunately, you can never take back what you said or wrote. People are not robots. We have feelings and we become very protective of our feelings. No one in their right mind wishes to repeat getting hurt again so the answer is to cut you off or cut certain people out of my life permanently. It's a defense mechanism.

    I have several people in my life who try so hard to get back into my good graces to no avail. They pay for my meal at restaurants, give me gifts, send me a flurry of sugary syrupy sweet texts, emojis, emails and ingratiate themselves to me which are all efforts in futility. I'm not buying it. Why? Because once people show me their true colors during a moment of human weakness, I now know what they're capable of such as crossing that major line with me. Some people truly tested me sorely which eventually backfired with my current passive aggressive behavior towards them. Something inside me got up and left or simply died. I'm no longer naive and innocent. I no longer have the desire to invest myself and emotions into the relationship anymore whether it's family or friends. I'm done. I want to be left alone where I feel safe, secure and there is zero risk of getting hurt forever. I'll see to that.

    Some people are severe and choose permanent estrangement. I'm with some people whom I can't get rid of so I enforce healthy boundaries with them and we play by my rules from now on. It works, too as I'm in the driver's seat.

    The only thing you can do is respect your ex-girlfriend's final decision. She has already made up her mind. Also, your key takeaway here is to never repeat the same mistake twice. Someday, when you have a new relationship with a new girl, it will be better to not drink in the first place verses risking another drunken fight with a woman.

    To forgive means to move on, not hold grudges nor ill will. Forgive does not mean condone nor forget. Your girlfriend will forgive you after she feels safe once you exit her life. She will move on with her life which is the definition of "forgive." This is human nature and her behavior is universal, Paul1995.

    Learn from your harsh lessons and become wiser from this day forward.

  8. #17

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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    You don't have to drink every day to have a problem with alcohol.

    You seem to be a binge drinker. You don't drink every day (or every week) but you don't seem to have much control over the number of drinks you have. And if you black out...yeah, you have a drinking problem.

    Do not attempt to contact her or send her any more gifts. Flowers and a meal won't cancel out your awful behavior (where do some men get the idea that all you have to do is buy a woman flowers or jewelry and she'll melt into their arms, all forgiving??). Work on getting your drinking problem handled, and then maybe start thinking about dating again. It'll be much better for you, I promise.
    Thank You , i just signed myself to a Psychologist to understand why it happened and fight with those incidents, I do this for me but also to show her that i am making Real steps to change and eventualy make her mine again

  9. #18
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Moving in after 24 weeks of dating is too soon. If you can't imagine your life without her, you'll have to imagine your life without alcohol. She already knows alcohol is more important to you than she is and that is why she kicked you out. Stay away from her so she can find a man who loves her more than his booze.
    Originally Posted by Paul1995
    We are in relationship for more than a 1,5 year, we are living together for 1 year. - i blacked out. Next morning when i woke up with a Hangover she told me that I need to move out till the end of the month. I cant imagine life without her.

  10. #19
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Moving in after 24 weeks of dating is too soon. If you can't imagine your life without her, you'll have to imagine your life without alcohol. She already knows alcohol is more important to you than she is and that is why she kicked you out. Stay away from her so she can find a man who loves her more than his booze. Hopefully she will contact the police if you go near her again.
    Originally Posted by Paul1995
    We are in relationship for more than a 1,5 year, we are living together for 1 year. - i blacked out. Next morning when i woke up with a Hangover she told me that I need to move out till the end of the month. I cant imagine life without her.

  11. #20
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    I think you need to give up on the relationship for now and conquer your demon - alcohol.


    All the begging and pleading in the world wont change the fact that she doesn't trust 'drunken you'. Seek professional help and advice on getting this beat and your anger issues resolved.

    It doesn't matter this only happens once a year, it's once a year too much.

    Maybe one day a long way down the line she may re-open communication if you are 100% better but for now forgeit and get yourself fixed.

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