Jump to content

New guy being hot and cold.


Myname216

Recommended Posts

So I met this guy at the beginning of December. It was an instant connection sparks were flying and everything was great. He’s literally the dream guy. Like amazing personality, handsome, successful, charming, everything. And he had told me that he has never had a girlfriend before because he just never actually wanted a relationship with any girl he met and was more focused on finishing school. So he said that I was the first girl he wanted an actual relationship with since he graduated. We went out a few times and then he asked me to be his girlfriend I said yes but we decided we needed to slow down a little bit cause we hadn’t known eachother that long so we’d just be exclusive and not be like super public with it. Which was my idea not his. Anyway during this time he had a trip planned to go visit his family for 18 days. So like before he left we were texting and going on dates all the time. He would tell me how much he likes me and call me cute names and everything. I’m just saying he did that all on his own I didn’t start it, he did. Anyway he asked me to take him to the airport and I said I would so we ended up spending most of that day together before he left. So I drop him off and he tells me he’s gonna miss me so much and can’t wait to come back so we can be together. So we part and he’s gone and after that he turned into the driest texter in the world. It felt like he didn’t even want to text me anymore and he was just pitty texting me. So after two weeks of this I finally spoke up and asked if we were still on the same page as when he left. He said that he wasn’t sure he wanted to date anymore but he likes me. And that because of him starting grad school and work I couldn’t be his top priority and he didn’t want to put me through that. So I told him to think more about it cause we had a really good connection and that when he gets back from his trip we can talk it through in person, and he agreed. So like I’m so confused because he was all in before and now he’s not. Any advice?

Link to comment

I wouldn’t wait around you hardly know him after a month. Believe what he tells you when he says he doesn’t want to date. Whether or not school and work is the reason he’s lost interest and unfortunately that happens. It just means this was more of a lust filled situation then an actual connection.

 

Don’t give up you will find the one who doesn’t do a hot and cold run.

Link to comment

Do you think he thinks you text too much? Maybe he was overwhelmed at the attention you needed. I don't know because I don't know how often you sent him a text. It sounds like you were always the first one to text. Did you ever give him the chance to reach out first?

 

For his part, he ran hot for only a brief time, and either ran cold because he's just not ready to put in the effort it takes to be a boyfriend, or he's found a new woman who has taken his interest at wherever he's visiting, or he thinks you're overly focused on him and are making him the sole center of your happiness. It could be something else altogether, but those are my guesses.

 

A person can have more than one priority in life. I'm guessing this is an excuse because perhaps you've let the newness of the relationship consume you. I can see that this might be the case because instead of walking away after he mentioned basically walking away from the relationship, that you're asking him to talk to you because you don't want that happening. While dating him, did you spend less time or no time with your friends? Did you let all of your interests and social life slide in order to spend all your time with him? If so, that's smothering behavior.

 

If a guy expressed something to me like he did to you, I'd let him go. Young relationships like this rarely last for the longterm anyway. A person usually has many relationships, and end up learning from each, before finally settling down. Good luck and I hope you have many wonderful times in 2020.

Link to comment

Take a hint. His actions or lack thereof speak louder than words. He's fading out of your life and you need to get his message. He's no longer interested in you.

 

You also need to appreciate his honesty regarding how he explained that he's not sure if he wants to date anymore, he's starting grad school and work so you won't be a priority in his life. He's actually being considerate by telling you now that he doesn't want you to feel secondary or less than secondary in his upcoming very hectic life. A good connection means nothing is there is not enough brain space and time for you or anyone.

 

Talk about this when he gets back from his trip but don't force this relationship on him. You need to go with his common sense gut feelings. He is being practical. I'll give him that.

 

In the future, it will be better to be with a guy who has less on plate meaning not juggling so many balls up in the air such as a relationship, college, and work. It's a lot and very stressful. I'm sure there are success stories out there but usually relationships endure when there's less pressure from so many simultaneous responsibilities all at once. Some people can handle multiple facets in their life whereas a lot of people have to drop something and usually it's the relationship that is sacrificed.

 

And here's a tip: For future guys, limit your electronic communication. Some people don't want to be hounded nor expected to partake in relentless texting, voice mails, emails, messages, social media, etc. Back off and give people time and space and breathing room otherwise some people feel smothered and suffocated due to excessive contact.

 

Remain mysterious, have allure and don't make yourself too available. You'll keep the interest going longer this way.

Link to comment

Perhaps he's honest (about starting grad school and work and priorities) and perhaps he's not. It doesn't really matter. What matters is his actions. An old month long relationship should be fun and interesting and this one is not. Let him be. If he gets in touch when he's back, meet him and see what he's about. If not, move on. Personally, after what he said, I would consider myself single and start dating again.

Link to comment

Sorry to hear this. Does he have a gf back home? Next time try not to jump in this fast. Wait to get to know someone a bit first and have the exclusive conversation before sex. Block and delete him and consider it over. It sounds like he led you on a bit, so he may contact you for sex again when he gets back from his family.

he had a trip planned to go visit his family for 18 days. I finally spoke up and asked if we were still on the same page as when he left. He said that he wasn’t sure he wanted to date anymore but he likes me
Link to comment

Well at first he did have time for you....now that his priorities have changed, thb when will he ever have time with school and work? It's only been a month, how invested can you really be? If it's over it's over...you will be free to meet someone new. Life goes on.

Link to comment

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...