7 years - still no friends

Hi Everyone,

Hope your all well. So i moved country 7 years ago and really struggling to make friends.

So I live with my aunty and uncle so it hasn't been so hard for me to settle down. When I first moved here I made friends with a girl through a mutual friend back home and the friendship became me following her around, us doing everything she wanted like it was her life and she just let me be part of it. Slowly however, I started getting on with her friends and she use to get very very jealous like start putting me down infront of people insulting me making up lies e.g. we went to go meet some people she knew from the USA some artists. When we were leaving we all got in the lift with the artist and his manager. the artist grabbed me and was like lets go back to my room, I said no and the lift doors opened and he ran out (she's still in the lift with the manager and their just looking at me really shocked) the manager starts saying like 'oh there will be plenty more girls that would die to be with him' anyway I was just silent waiting to go to the Ground floor to get out of this place. We ended up going upstairs and I pulled my friend to the side and was like 'listen whats happening aren't we going out?' she's like 'yeah he just wants to show me something' when we get in the room she's all over his bed and he starts showing her all his gold chains and I'm sat on the sofa really awkward. Then after 20 mins she's like 'ok we have to go' so as I'm saying bye she jumps on him and they start snogging against the wall. So I just walk outside the room and wait. after 3 mins she comes out like 'why did you leave me?' I literally was on the other side of the door. I said i didn't leave you but I'm not going to stand there and just watch you get off with a guy. Everything was fine but after that she told our mutual friend how I left her and she nearly got raped. immediately cut her off.

So after her I had no one to really go out with as the people I knew were all her friends and she made a point that they were her friends.

Of course my aunty would always be like your in your 20s go out meet people go to groups just go out! (i've been to so many groups yoga, pilates, events etc) just not met anyone or clicked with them

Then I met a gay guy and he had a girl best friend. At first I enjoyed hanging out with them but the gay guy started being like 'oh I need you to come out cause I need someone good-looking' which started really upsetting me as I just felt used. We could only do things he wanted to do or places to go because its what made him feel comfortable etc. When I started seeing someone he got really angry and possessive would text me like 'meet me here in 10mins' and when I'd say i'm busy he would get really angry. When we would go out and my boyfriend was there he was very rude to my boyfriend so I cut him off.

His girl best friend- cut her off as she didn't respect my time enough - she wanted to meet up to go to a concert but I had to get up at 4 am the next day for work. So I said I'm really sorry but any other day. She then said can we go get our nails done so at 6 pm I said fine lets go salon. So at 7.30pm she's like will I go with her to see this art display. I told her I'm sorry I have work tomorrow really early I have to go home eat and sleep. She begged me so I was like fine ok 1 hour but i need to get home. She insisted she would drive so we drove for 1 hour to this culture display retreat thing! I said listen you know I have to get home I can't stay. She ignored me (where we were there were no taxis and uber wasn't around) she continued just enjoying this event till 11.30pm. there was no food at this event ether. I was so frustrated with her that she didn't respect me. It seemed she didn't want to go there alone as she didn't even speak to me while we where there.

2 years I literally had no one to hang out with just stayed at home did errands.

Then got introduced to a girl via a mutual friend back home. This girl is not my type at all she is very promiscuous like I get it she's single - but its like she hunts guys down in bars and clubs. Our whole night is about a guy she likes, when were dancing together its like dancing against a wall as she's just always on the look out. She's very very high maintenance always wants me to decide where we go then moans about it all. Yet my aunty always puts pressure on me like 'go out with her you'll meet other people through her' ' go out' 'go out' so unfortunately I have been just going out for the sake of going out. Having the worst time spending loads loads of money (this girl only wants to go to extremely expensive places) just with really bad company. Each time I come home I just regret it. Thus girl has other girlfriends but hardly introduces me to them or the ones i do meet just I don't click with. When we go out she's very rude to random people which always causes drama too.

In the meantime my aunty makes me feel like such a loser that I'm not out all the time - when we meet people she's always telling them how I have no friends. Even when were out and about she'll be like 'Oh R needs friends she's so lovely and doesn't have any she needs to get out' its just so humiliating. I'm single now so it has been hard all my friends are back home.

Then I met a girl who seemed super normal she came up to me and complimented me so I exchanged numbers. We hung out a lot but all she did was moan about her boyfriend. That got really boring for me because I couldn't ever talk about myself. When I did she looked bored. I met a guy through work and we started dating when I introduced her to him she told him how I tell her she should break up with her boyfriend. - I don't tell her to break up with her boyfriend but if you constantly moan and moan about how awful him and his family is I am going to say maybe you need a break.

My boyfriend was like in a joking way "I know R and she wouldn't do that unless you kept talking about all the negative things in your relationship and not told her about the positives) after that I just couldn't be bothered with her. cut her off

I made another girlfriend after that met her at a new years party we clicked immediately. But from the get go it was me picking and dropping her off, me driving us about, me driving to pick her up to bring her to my house. were in our late 20s now. She's recently been dumped and all she does is go on about her boyfriend. She's a bit crazy and obsessive so she stalks him the works. So every minute I get screenshots, voice notes of silly things how he likes a girls insta pic. All we do is talk about him. Ive noticed she doesn't even ask me how I am. She will ignore my texts but I have to respond to hers about her ex. She's done things like invite me to a festival and has my ticket so she will text me when to leave my house. SO i'm sitting there waiting for her and she's not answering the phone or has wifi to whatsapp me. then at 1am I'll get a text like 'good you didn't come it wasn't very good' So while this is happening I'm feeling even more sorry for myself cause I've got my aunt like "oh no you got all ready and now she's not answering her phone? so are you just going to bed now? thats so bad' - Just now we made plans to go out at 9.30pm I've had no text nothing from her even though she's been online and I'm sat here all dressed up like a mug.

I went on a coach trip yesterday and met a really nice girl we planned to meet today for dinner but she cancelled 1 hour before we were supposed to meet up. But I don't know her so it could of been an emergency.

Ive joined a Facebook group of girls wanting friends so the meet up is on sunday which I'm going to but for the past 2 weeks my aunty has just been on my case about when is it when is it? just acting silly

The point is back home I have so many friends, amazing girls, I'm out all the time. They are all normal, respectful, they care for me, its a give and take relationship. I have girls who just want to stay home, I have girls who want to go clubbing, girls who want to go hiking etc I don't understand why I just can't find any girlfriends out here. I don't mean to come across rude but the girls I met here I would never even exchange number with them or would of cut them off sooner because they aren't my type of friends. All my friends back home say I'm too nice and girls are taking advantage of it. 'Im the short pretty cute friend, thats just super sweet' all my friends are very protective of me back home.

The girls I'm meeting here are majority the same nationality as me so were all from the same country. I just don't know why I'm giving these girls my time and their the ones cancelling on me. The promiscuous girl called me to ask me if I wanted to go out and then cancelled on me 3 days straight - every day she called me to reschedule - I didn't even call her!! I'm wasting so much expensive makeup on them. I'm also recently single and quit my job so I'm trying to stay positive and keep myself busy. I go out shopping by myself, I joined a gym, I'm currently trying to find classes to go too. I am trying to set up my own business out here so I am busy but it would be nice to go out now and then. Otherwise I'm just purely alone at home with my aunty and uncle watching TV.

Don't know what else to write really.

Thanks for reading it all.

Have you tried meet ups, online group activities (hiking, volunteering, yoga, art, walking, whatever...)?

One of the issues I see, is that you do not drop these people at the first sign of disrespect. There were many red flags, but you continued to hang out with these people. Perhaps, if the activities were not about clubbing, you may find better relationships.

Why do you even need friends? I don't have any actual male (same-sex as me) friends in, like, forever, and I don't mind at all. Are you bored and don't know what to do with your time? What do you want from your friends?

That's you. Most do have friends and do not want a solitary lifestyle.

Hi Hollyj, Thanks for your response. I have tried many groups I'm going to take up more and give it ago. I was living in a small town that wasn't built up so there wasn't so many clubs going on. Now I've moved to the city I will try more. I'm much older now so clubbing is not my scene even just dinner I'm happy with. I need to be stronger - just find it lonely at time where I've not had any other contact other than my family for over 3 weeks straight I'm 30 so I'm not old and I'm single so would be nice to just get out with fellow girls.

What are your interests?

What country are you in? Why not meet with locals , instead of limiting yourself to your culture?

I'm in the UAE - I used to live in Al Ain which is the desert. Now I've moved to beautiful Dubai theres so much to do and places to go thats why I'm finding it so frustrating as a single girl its not the place to be going out by yourself so you need to be in a pair at least. I've not met many local women they tend to stick to themselves.

I am getting into yoga, I went on a few tours of the UAE but all where married or older group. Most people I'm meeting are over 40 and have families.

There are so many expats in that country. What are your interests?

I would look into exploring your interests and steer away from clubbing until you find some real friends.

I know thats what makes me feel like such a loser at times because I'm not meeting any of them or just the worst of the bunch. I'm not the clubbing type by the way so its mostly day out exploring, dinners or a lounge. I have given up drinking. Will start looking into clubs hopefully I meet some cool people.

Ok make finding a job a priority right now. Get yourself a good pic and profile on LinkedIn and start connecting to former coworkers, former classmates, alumni etc. Upload your contact list and make as many 'connections' as possible. Update a your resume and have it ready to go. Actively apply for jobs as well as have your resume out there on various employment sites.

In the meantime start taking some courses and classes locally or online that further your career and/or are fun. Watching tv with your aunt all day is not a great way to meet people or be happy, nor is going clubbing, etc. Are you scheduled for an arranged marriage? How is your relationship with parents, siblings and other family?

Volunteer and joins some sports or charitable oriented organizations and clubs and groups. Have fun but have some goals and purpose.

The girls I'm meeting here are majority the same nationality as me so were all from the same country. I'm just purely alone at home with my aunty and uncle watching TV. I'm wasting so much expensive makeup on them. I'm also recently single and quit my job.

You need to expand your culture circle.

Your focus should be a job. Have you considered expanding you education?

I'm opening up my own business will be up and running in a month - Im occupied with this. I was talking about my spare time.

Im open to all cultures since i'm a mix but I agree I need to put more effort in joining more clubs and groups.

Thanks for your advice x

Try MeetUps and joining more groups, clubs and organizations as you had mentioned.

If you're religious or faith based, try joining a church.

Volunteer for charitable good works if you want to meet empathetic types. There are so many opportunities to meet people. You need to whittle down your requirements and only surround yourself with solid, stable, moral people. Go where they are. They're not at bars nor a bunch of lowlifes.

I'm opening up my own business will be up and running in a month - Im occupied with this. I was talking about my spare time.

Im open to all cultures since i'm a mix but I agree I need to put more effort in joining more clubs and groups.

Thanks for your advice x

Good for you!

Good luck with your new business. i think you will also find like-minded people when you attend networking events...