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Thread: I still miss him

  1. #1
    Member nycdoctor's Avatar
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    I still miss him

    Christmas is hard. My dad loved Christmas. I miss him so much. It's been almost 3.5 years now. And so much as happen since he left.
    -My mom sold the house and now the house is torn down. Not there anymore. The place where all my happy moment when I grew up is gone. This made me feel so sad
    -My mom moved in with me for a year and now she lives in the city. I am here by myself. I brought a house about 5 minutes away from my parents. I would see them everyday. Now I have no one here. I am alone. I feel abandoned by my mom and angry. I felt so alone, that I got married this year.
    -The routine of seeing my dad every sat morning and having breakfast and spending the weekend is gone. Now i see him every Sat in his grave site. I miss him. I am the only one who see him every week.
    -I feel like that since my dad passed away, he took everything with him. The house is gone, my mom is in the city, Sears is gone...the location of where he use to work is gone.Everything is changing. I just felt in the past there was certain things that were constant.....now nothing is constant. Nothing is stable.
    -I dream about him and when I realize he is gone...i wake up. It suck.
    -I am so afraid of losing my mom. I don't know what to do. I go to the city every weekend to see her. To be honest, I ask god to take me first. I don't think I could bear losing my mom.


    I hate that he is gone

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by nycdoctor
    now nothing is constant. Nothing is stable.
    I'm sorry to hear this. You're right. Nothing is constant. The only constant is change. When your waves of grief pass you'll have lucid moments also where you can appreciate a lot of other things in life. It's a bit like a shaded forest and every so often the leaves shift in the wind to let some light in. Do you have anyone to talk to and is your spouse a good listener?

  3. #3
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
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    OP it sounds like you had a wonderful relationship with your dad.

    Change is hard, like REALLY hard... especially when it brings grief and loss. Human beings crave safety and security, we are programmed to resist change, and when it feels as though that's all been ripped away, one of the ways we handle it is by clinging to past memories to help us feel more secure.

    Thing is... the past doesn't help us feel more grounded in the present. While it's wonderful to look back and think of those memories, it can also hold us back from appreciating our present if we cling too tightly.

    Have you talked to a grief counsellor or therapist to help you process your feelings around this? You don't have to do this alone... and there are so many beautiful things to experience in life it would be a shame to give up so soon.

  4. #4
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    Originally Posted by nycdoctor
    . To be honest, I ask god to take me first. I don't think I could bear losing my mom.
    They say that losing a child is a parent's worst nightmare. It is not in the natural order of things. I think you have a kind of duty to your mom to out live her.

    Your mother has a right to live the rest of her life in a way she chooses - and you might want to seek solace and support from your spouse at this time. That is his/her job now.

    Nothing is forever.

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  6. #5
    Member nycdoctor's Avatar
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    thank you for the comments. I did see someone for a while when my dad passed away.

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    Originally Posted by nycdoctor
    thank you for the comments. I did see someone for a while when my dad passed away.
    Is your spouse supportive?


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