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Thread: My fiancé’s past.

  1. #31
    Platinum Member
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    I want to add there are people that are given tons of support by family and friends - thought about, cared for - they can have 20 close healthy friends and a loving family and they STILL don't feel they matter. Its something inside that someone feels or doesn't feel vs something you make them feel.

    Originally Posted by Myownhead
    Thank you, the plan was a very long engagement like 2 years. Talks between us have been about rehab and promises for a better future. We have broken up over this 3 times and each time she comes back begging me to not do this to her. I don’t want to abandon her but I agree with everyone here don’t be a hero and it’s all about my son. Thanks again.
    PROMISES??

    There are many people who are alcoholics who have turned their life around, went to rehab because THEY recognized they were at rock bottom and have been sober for years, even though everyday its work (they still make sure they are not put in vulnerable situations - don't go to bars, make sure they leave a wedding before the "Drunk hour", etc,). But this is not her. If she goes to rehab, its not something she has done on her own. She is doing it to marry you. Are you sure you didn't put a ring on her finger so she WOULD go to rehab? you have no idea if she will stick with her sobriety.

    The best thing sometimes for someone is for the healthy person to walk away for a time - so the person can either do or not do on their own. But are you the healthy person if you have quickly rushed to engagement with a woman you have known less than a year?

    You talk about a brighter future with someone you had many GREAT years with but had a setback like a car accident or something, but when the past and present wasn't right to begin with.

    PLEASE please read about codependency. She will not be abandoned. She has friends and if she takes rehab seriously, she will have a sponsor and may make connections with new healthy friends.

  2. #32
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    She's doing it to herself and you're doing it to your son. The only innocent individual in all this. Poor kid. This is about adjusting to being a single father, not about saving drunks from themselves.
    ABSOLUTELY!

    Make no mistake about it, this is a grown woman who is choosing toxic behaviors and toxic choices.
    She can't blame her parents or her past or other people etc after a certain age, at some point she needs to take full responsibility for knowing the difference between right and wrong and still choosing to mess up.

    She can make the choice to stay off the alcohol, she can choose to become a better person, to get proper help, to get therapy and to heal from her past.
    She is choosing NOT to and instead is making you and your son pay for her problems.

    She is not a child, nor incapable. She can have a better life if SHE chooses to.
    You need to open your eyes and start seeing her issues as her own choices. Stop forcing your son to live a worse life over this woman's choices.

    She knows what she has to do, she is choosing not to do it.
    Until she is in full rehab and has been sober for many months with loads of therapy, she has no business being around you or your son.

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