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Thread: My fiancé’s past.

  1. #21
    Thank you. Your right I needed to hear this out loud. I know it won’t change it’s too big of a problem so late in her life. If this is the start of the change it’s a long road. The engagement was intended to be a very long one before we did anything. I guess I was hopping to show her she matters to someone, but this may be too big for me to handle. Thanks again.

  2. #22
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    It is not your job to make her feel like she matters it IS however your job to make sure your son feel like he matters.

  3. #23
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    Originally Posted by Myownhead
    Thank you. Your right I needed to hear this out loud. I know it won’t change it’s too big of a problem so late in her life. If this is the start of the change it’s a long road. The engagement was intended to be a very long one before we did anything. I guess I was hopping to show her she matters to someone, but this may be too big for me to handle. Thanks again.
    Very long engagements are for very young people who were excited to get engaged but are promising to their parents to finish trade school before they wed, for people who met as college students but are from different countries and its going to take a few years to figure out where to be in the same place. For two adults in their mid 40s, you should not use an engagement as a courtship period. Engaged means you are choosing a wedding date and its the period between securing the officiant and walking down the aisle. Its way too much for your son to be having this woman in his life so quickly as well. I hope you are strong enough to break the engagemet.


    I guess I was hopping to show her she matters to someone

    Look up codependency. you are putting someone else's emotions over your and your son's personal well being. it is only downhill from there. She is not a stray cat to adopt and show love to so they can thrive. She is a grown woman who before 11 months ago managed to survive on her own

  4. #24
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    Originally Posted by ~Seraphim ~
    It is not your job to make her feel like she matters it IS however your job to make sure your son feel like he matters.
    Yes, her parents failed her (or her disease and impulsiveness that she has despite their good support and upbringing they provided) - its time to not fail your son

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  6. #25
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Originally Posted by abitbroken
    Yes, her parents failed her (or her disease and impulsiveness that she has despite their good support and upbringing they provided) - its time to not fail your son
    I agree. Her parents probably failed her . Mine failed me miserably so I made damned sure not to fail my child.

  7. #26
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    One of my family members prioritized a woman over his children. The result was them refusing to have anything to do with him for years. Only recently has he started rebuilding a relationship with them.

    I haven't seen or spoken to my father in over 30 years. He too prioritized women over his children.

    Don't make the same mistake.

  8. #27
    Thank you, the plan was a very long engagement like 2 years. Talks between us have been about rehab and promises for a better future. We have broken up over this 3 times and each time she comes back begging me to not do this to her. I don’t want to abandon her but I agree with everyone here don’t be a hero and it’s all about my son. Thanks again.

  9. #28
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    It would be incredibly unfair to your son to permanently integrate this level of instability into his life.

    You need to worry less about showing her she matters, and a LOT more about showing your son he matters by making wiser choices that will affect his life.

  10. #29
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    Originally Posted by Myownhead
    Thank you, the plan was a very long engagement like 2 years. Talks between us have been about rehab and promises for a better future. We have broken up over this 3 times and each time she comes back begging me to not do this to her. I don’t want to abandon her but I agree with everyone here don’t be a hero and it’s all about my son. Thanks again.
    You are not doing anything “ to her” she is.

  11. #30
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    She's doing it to herself and you're doing it to your son. The only innocent individual in all this. Poor kid. This is about adjusting to being a single father, not about saving drunks from themselves.
    Originally Posted by Myownhead
    We have broken up over this 3 times and each time she comes back begging me to not do this to her.

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