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Thread: I feel like this is going well but I can't shake nerves about it

  1. #1
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    I feel like this is going well but I can't shake nerves about it

    So I met this woman a few years ago around my hometown because we hung out in some of the same circles. A little bit after I met her I had expressed interest in her but we stayed friends because she had just gotten out of a difficult relationship and wasn't ready for anything. Anyway we'd gotten back in touch about 8 months ago or so and we started really hitting it off. The only thing is after we'd gotten back in contact she wound up moving pretty far away, I'm planning on visiting but I've got a couple months to get prepared. Even though our interactions have been over the phone we've been talking with one another just about everyday. We have a ton in common and we get pretty emotionally intimate.

    Anyway I gradually started trying little romantic gestures/flirting even though she's still pretty scared of relationships. We've sent eachother some gifts in the mail and she calls me babe from time to time so I was started to feel a little more confident about it. The other day I just decided to come out and say how I felt. I gave her a call and let her know that I really like her and I feel like we're compatible even though we're far away from one another and that I'm stoked about visiting her. She agreed with me and was saying how I'm the only one she talks to everyday. I'm going to therapy for anxiety/depression and have had some rough relationships myself so I'm having a hard time believing any of this is real. I've been overthinking incredibly hard and imagining scenarios where things go wrong before I even come out there.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Give it up. LDR (long distance relationships) rarely endure. In fact, they fizzle and fade fast. Be realistic. Absence doesn't make the heart grow fonder. To the contrary, too much absence and distance causes two people to drift apart permanently.

    In the meantime, continue your therapy for anxiety / depression and be with someone who is local.

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    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    even though she's still pretty scared of relationships.

    Don't ever start a relationship with anyone who has emotional baggage. It's toxic fumes will eventually poison any relationship. You have some baggage yourself, and you lack confidence, and aren't in the right headspace to be dating right now. You will attract, and subconsciously be attracted to, inappropriate people.

    When you're eventually ready to date, you can just as easily find someone you have chemistry with locally if you make the effort. It's far less expensive and you can actually spend time with a woman several times a week instead of once or twice a year. Doesn't that sound far more appealing to you?

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    Long distance and trust issues. This is doomed. Find someone local and wait until you are in a better place emotionally.

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  6. #5
    Bronze Member Leah33's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Cherylyn
    Give it up. LDR (long distance relationships) rarely endure. In fact, they fizzle and fade fast.
    Actually, I'm not sure that is altogether true:
    [Register to see the link]

    The ones that seem to fail the most are when the two people have spent months and months (sometimes years) corresponding electronically before meeting for the first time, or never meeting at all. Or, when there is no plan in place to progress past long-distance. (my Dad and I would watch 90 Day Fiance and yeah it was a trainwreck)

    A lot of college relationships are long-distance and they fail for their own set of reasons.

    I'm going to therapy for anxiety/depression and have had some rough relationships myself so I'm having a hard time believing any of this is real. I've been overthinking incredibly hard and imagining scenarios where things go wrong before I even come out there.
    Overthinking can happen in any relationship. A lot of us do it, but you have to get that junk under control.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Leah33
    Actually, I'm not sure that is altogether true:
    [Register to see the link]

    The ones that seem to fail the most are when the two people have spent months and months (sometimes years) corresponding electronically before meeting for the first time, or never meeting at all. Or, when there is no plan in place to progress past long-distance. (my Dad and I would watch 90 Day Fiance and yeah it was a trainwreck)

    A lot of college relationships are long-distance and they fail for their own set of reasons.



    Overthinking can happen in any relationship. A lot of us do it, but you have to get that junk under control.
    Most LDRs tend to fail when a couple hardly ever sees each other or it becomes such a major hassle and an expensive inconvenience to see each other due to traveling back 'n forth compared to couples who reside locally which is nothing new. This is whether in college or not.

    Granted, there are success stories out there but it's very difficult to maintain relationships when you're not actually with a person in-person. When it turns into weeks and / or months apart over many months, then eventually one or two people are going to naturally drift apart and call it quits due to burnout.

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this. Unfortunately the frustration, loneliness and general angst caused by LDRs will make this worse. When you feel better, date locally.
    Originally Posted by Somnarium
    I'm planning on visiting but I've got a couple months to get prepared. I feel like we're compatible even though we're far away from one another. I'm going to therapy for anxiety/depression and have had some rough relationships myself

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    Once you are in the freindszone with a woman, you usually stay that way.

    It's not like you see in the movies. You get one chance at love per person.

    On top of that most LDR's don't work out.

    No problem, find another local woman to date.

  10. #9
    Gold Member Skeptic76's Avatar
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    Well, it sounds like you already made plans to visit, so go visit! Amid the chorus of “doomed” I will be the rebel who says that you probably have some love to exchange with this person.

    Will it last? Who knows. But if you stay present and open minded you will be open to receive whatever lessons this person and situation have to teach you.

    Best wishes!

  11. #10
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    Originally Posted by Leah33
    Actually, I'm not sure that is altogether true:

    The ones that seem to fail the most are when the two people have spent months and months (sometimes years) corresponding electronically before meeting for the first time, or never meeting at all. Or, when there is no plan in place to progress past long-distance. (my Dad and I would watch 90 Day Fiance and yeah it was a trainwreck)

    A lot of college relationships are long-distance and they fail for their own set of reasons.



    Overthinking can happen in any relationship. A lot of us do it, but you have to get that junk under control.
    Thank you for the support. I think compared to most long distance relationships this has a fairly solid foundation, my mental health just gets a little rough in winter. I actually could actually relocate pretty easily in about 6 months but I've gotta see if it's something we both want when I go to visit. She actually already told me I should move out there but that was when things were more platonic than they are now.

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