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Dating has me depressed


mayflower165

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I guess I just need to vent. I’m so unlucky in love. I’ve been on a few dates since November when I found out the guy I really liked was dating another girl as well and lying about it. They’re still together. Since then I’ve been on a couple of bad first dates. Six other guys in total. Out of the six first dates, I really liked one. He ghosted me after which really hurt my feelings. Two other guys really liked me. I wasn’t really into one of the guys so I broke it off because our lifestyles were incompatible. So that left me with one guy who I sort of we liked. He’s been pursuing me for the past two years actually. 3 dates in, I started to really like him more. I go on his Facebook and it appears that he’s been in a long term relationship with someone else while pursuing me. He says he’s single, but the two of them are still very much friends and commenting/liking each other’s pictures. I’m not sure what to make of it, im upset because I always find myself as the other women. So I’m back to square one. I’m so burnt out :/

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I wouldn't consider going on 6+ dates since November unlucky... I would say that what you are describing is normal for most people.

 

At the end of the day most of the people you date will not be compatible with you, or will not be interested in a relationship.

 

Going into each encounter expecting the outcome to be a relationship will be discouraging and frustrating. Changing your perspective to one of meeting as many people as possible until you find that person that shares your values will help.

 

If you are finding it frustrating it might be time to take a break and refocus on what you want.

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Dating should be fun so if you are not having fun during the course of courting/dating because the handful of men you date are playing with your emotions and lying to you, your picker is just plain off.

 

Take a brief hiatus. You're not in the headspace to date so use the space to step back and reevaluate... consider that you might be the source to the problem. Are you being too polite with your time when you already had some signs and a gut feeling the guy was lying or not that interested in anything serious? Are you too focus on finding a partner that you ignore a root problem like fear of loneliness? We have all been there and I can tell you that the more you date, the more you learn about what you like, what you don't like, what works for you, what doesn't work, and helps you problem solve... but if you aren't learning from dating and your mistakes from it, then there's other internal issues you need to address.

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Evaluate yourself. If you want a classy guy who has everything, you have to be a classy lady who has everything. Concentrate on yourself first. Work on ascending in your career, get fit, eat right, have your own hobbies, interests, intellectual pursuits, social life with friends and make yourself attractive; not just looks either. Shoot for strong financial independence and then when you enter the party or cocktail party, you will be Cinderella at the ball.

 

You won't even have to try. You will automatically turn heads once you are successful in your own right. That was me. I gave up trying to find "thee one" and before I knew it, I had dates galore and declined dates because I was too busy with my own life with work and my busy life in general. I was pushing through an open door as will you if you play your cards right.

 

This is coming from a girl who never dated nor had boyfriends throughout high school and college. No one was ever interested in me. I was such a square. Well, guess who had the last laugh? Nowadays, many women in my sphere are divorced, many of them married the wrong guy and I found the right one for keepers and we have 2 great sons.

 

You can become very picky and choosy if you make yourself great with very high standards. Change the way you think and become more shrewd. It will pay off later, mayflower1965.

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Ok try to take things more slowly and develop a strategy for dating. For example. Message a few times, meet for coffee, determine if you want a second date etc. If it's a bad first meet, simple, just move on. If you notice someone is shady that is also easy, move on. Do not waste time on taken or undesirable men. Simply tell them it's not a match, move on and start messaging and meeting men for coffee. Also when someone is taken or creepy in any way delete and block them.

So that left me with one guy who I sort of we liked. He’s been pursuing me for the past two years actually. 3 dates in, I started to really like him more. I go on his Facebook and it appears that he’s been in a long term relationship with someone else while pursuing me.
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It only takes one to get it right. So stop putting so much pressure on yourself. Think of them as going out with a new friend, and just focus on having fun. The right one will come along, so no point in trying to force it. Just enjoy them!

 

And how do you know that guy is with that girl still. Just FB friends him, and start commenting on his posts. This way you can suss out the situation. People who are hiding a relationship are much more careful that you being able to see her commenting on his photos.

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  • 3 weeks later...

Just a quick update! I took everyone’s advice and I continued dating, being upfront with men before we even met about what we wanted. I ended up hitting it off really well with a guy who wants what I want. We have similar interests, we’ve been dating for a month. He’s asked me to be his girlfriend and I said yes. So after several years of being unsuccessful in the dating game, Im finally in a relationship! I know it’s only been a month, but I’m happy because I now realize that I was never cursed. I chose the wrong men and continued to stay in the wrong situations. My new boyfriend is great so far.. introducing me to his friends as his girlfriend. Posting me on his social media, he honestly makes me feel special everyday. Thank you all for your advice.

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Just a quick update! I took everyone’s advice and I continued dating, being upfront with men before we even met about what we wanted. I ended up hitting it off really well with a guy who wants what I want. We have similar interests, we’ve been dating for a month. He’s asked me to be his girlfriend and I said yes. So after several years of being unsuccessful in the dating game, Im finally in a relationship! I know it’s only been a month, but I’m happy because I now realize that I was never cursed. I chose the wrong men and continued to stay in the wrong situations. My new boyfriend is great so far.. introducing me to his friends as his girlfriend. Posting me on his social media, he honestly makes me feel special everyday. Thank you all for your advice.

 

Glad you're enjoying and having fun getting to know him!

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