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Thread: How should I feel about this?

  1. #1
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    How should I feel about this?

    I've been dating a lady for three years now ... we're an older couple, in our fifties, with mostly grown up children

    In September she started working full time and kept saying that she was too busy to see me very often. Three days before Christmas she told me that she wasn't sure what she wanted from our relationship any more. Since then, I've had a couple of replies to texts I've sent her, but despite letting her know when I was going to be without my children, she's not made any effort to see me. We've spent a lot of the last three Christmasses together and she knows that unles I have my children staying over, I'm on my own. Whilst I get that she might need some time to think etc, I feel pretty hurt about the way she's left me on my own like this.

    Am I being over sensitive?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    I don't think that you are being over sensitive. She's not being very kind or considerate of your feelings. Nor is this a mature way to handle her own.

    I'm in my 40s and it amazes me how, at this age, how poorly people communicate and how careless they can be with someone else's feelings.

    I have found a relationship and a person can be great! Until it or they are not. Sorry. I know it sucks.....

    Has she given you an indication of when you will talk or anything?

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    No, you're not being overly sensitive. It sounds like she's drifting apart from you and fading out of your life while she doesn't want to go into details regarding her desire to breakup with you. Even though she's evasive regarding her saying that she wasn't sure what she wanted from your relationship with her, it's a sign that she's preparing to part ways with you permanently.

    You either need to set up an in person discussion with her regarding an explanation or ask her via phone, text, email or however way you wish to handle this. No sensing dodging this subject. Get clear cut answers from her and then you'll know what your status is with her.

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    Although it may somewhat true that she's busy at work, I am inclined to believe that she's no longer interested in the relationship (sorry) and is too much of a coward to tell you that. You said that "she's not made any effort to see me." That is your answer, I'm afraid. IMO, no one is that busy at work. It's just an excuse, hoping that you will get the message albeit a sh*tty way of going about it.

    And, no, you are not being overly sensitive. She's being disrespectful and inconsiderate. At her age, she should know better.

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  6. #5
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    We haven't said when we'll talk because I'd expected to have the chance at some point over the holiday. I know she has her children with her and as they are all at university, it's the only chance she has to see all of them. That's not been a problem in the past, we've had big 'family' dinners etc, but I guess she doesn't want to complicate things, and to be fair, nor do I.

    What really bugs is that when we met up before Christmas, we got on as well as we ever did. It's been the same in the last couple of months. I've seen less of her because she's busy with work, but when we do meet up it's great.

    Just confused and hurt, at the moment.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Stdavid
    We haven't said when we'll talk because I'd expected to have the chance at some point over the holiday. I know she has her children with her and as they are all at university, it's the only chance she has to see all of them. That's not been a problem in the past, we've had big 'family' dinners etc, but I guess she doesn't want to complicate things, and to be fair, nor do I.

    What really bugs is that when we met up before Christmas, we got on as well as we ever did. It's been the same in the last couple of months. I've seen less of her because she's busy with work, but when we do meet up it's great.

    Just confused and hurt, at the moment.
    And you have every right to be. if you're able to control yourself from reaching out first. That's what I'd do. And ignore her when she feels like coming around.

    She dissed you over the holidays. Don't be around after. She knows you shouldn't treat people this way.

    if it's any consolation, it happens to the best of us. As Oprah says- When someone shows you who they are, believe them. and I'll add "the first time"

    Sorry.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    When you see her next time, ask her questions if you are unclear where this relationship is going. Explain that you both get along well when you two meet and when it's texting, your relationship fizzles. Therefore, you get hurt. Be articulate with her so you two are on the same page.

    It's a red flag when she says that she's says she isn't sure what she wants from her relationship with you. Ask her to explain herself more thoroughly and then both of you need to decide what to do whether it is to work on your relationship or call it quits.

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    I'm optimistic we can salvage something from this, even if it's just a friendship. Three years is too long to just walk away from. But I'm finding it hard to come to terms with how she's treated me this holiday. I know if we had the conversation tomorrow I'd be - we'll, let's say 'emotional.'

  10. #9
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    I think you are either in the process of being dumped or you have been dumped.

  11. #10
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    I think you need to brace for a break-up.

    She is increasingly distancing herself from you and has already expressed uncertainty about what she wants. That doesn’t bode well.

    I’m sorry. She’s not handling this with much respect or consideration for your feelings.

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