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Thread: Is this girl using me?

  1. #1

    Is this girl using me?

    Hello all. I posted on this forum a while ago about a girl who I'm in a weird situation with. We were friends with benefits for a while, hooking up essentially, and a lot. We go to college together, both seniors, and ended up getting really close. She started calling me her man, talking to me about personal stuff, and was telling her friends about me, talking about me a lot. I was confused, so I talked to her. I didn't mind what she was doing, but she was holding me to a relationship standard when we were not officially dating/exclusive. I had started to like her too, and she was acting like she was starting to like me. She told me that there are feelings and emotions between us, and that we shouldn't hookup anymore. We hooked up 3 more times after that. When that stopped, she would still come over to cuddle/sleep over and hangout with me doing normal things. She says she loves how we have gotten close on a deeper and emotional level, and doesn't want to confuse me.

    She was in a very toxic relationship all of college, until this year. She doesn't want a relationship with anyone for now. I don't either, but I question how healthy this 'friendship' with her is to me, because I like her, and it's draining sometimes, she sends a lot mixed signals, and she knows that I like her.

    She asked me last week to find her a guy. I was pretty confused, and told her no. She also started sending me screenshots of texts from other guys hitting on her/trying to ask her out. I don't know if that's normal, but I sent her a text the other night saying how that stuff negatively effects me, and we should stop if that continues. She was extremely sorry, and her reasoning was that she was just trying to 'Keep me updated on what was going on in her life'. In my position, it really seems like she tries to get reactions out of me/make me jealous. I was thrown off by it. She also asked if she should ever tell me if she starts talking to someone, and I said that's her decision. She disagreed and said no it's not my decision "because I don't want to not tell you and you be upset". I never said I'd ever be upset with her, and she keeps acting like she cares A LOT about how I feel. She told me if we end up dating in the future, she would try with me.

    We used to be intimate a lot, hangout all the time, and ended up getting really close. Now, we are in a weird spot. I feel like she doesn't want to admit she likes me (if she does), or is unsure/just emotionally confused. I don't know why I care so much..but I do. I want some insight on what I could do from this point forward

  2. #2
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    This is messed up and unfair to you. I would have suggested that you have a conversation about your situation, but she does not sound like she is in a place to be with anyone. Has she sought any help for her abusive relationship?

    I suggest that you cut contact, as this will really hurt and confuse you. She is in no place for a relationship with anyone. You cannot be friends if there are feelings.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Clio's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    You should stop seeing each other because you are not good for each other. Neither of you has the mental maturity nor the boundaries needed to maintain a FWB relationship at a level that doesn't affect you negatively.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Cloud Nine
    Sounds like you are leading her on and using her. Stop hooking up and there won't be any confusion. In fact since this is so confusing, nebulous and upside down, and you can't be bf/gf or fwb or even friends, disconnect altogether. Find other friends and find other girls to date.
    Originally Posted by ajanderson32
    hooking up essentially, and a lot. but she was holding me to a relationship standard when we were not officially dating/exclusive.


  6. #5
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    My goodness, there are a zillion girls at college. Why are you choosing to latch onto this pointless situation?

    You can meet someone new and develop feelings for her. But not if you keep lurking around this girl.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2016
    When they have just come out of a relationship and are flaky like she has been, it usually means the woman was on the rebound, and you were the rebound guy. Now you are her friend. Sorry.

    Yes, she used you, but not on a conscious level - so there is no use casting stones at her. They know not what they do.

    But no problem! There are plenty of fish in the sea.

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