Long distance break up

So my ex-boyfriend and I dated long distance for one year. I dumped him on December 9th. I had started to worry about several red flags. I was worried that he would never come to see me. He did not have a job since he just graduated in April and was studying for the boards. He failed it twice. All my friends and family thought I should dump him. I go to a bar for Taco Tuesday on December 3rd. Hit it off with a great guy. He asked me out on a date and I broke up with my boyfriend. Turns out I am not romantically attracted to bar guy. I politely told him I want to be friends and have not heard from him since. My ex, however, has been off and on. Initially, we had left it that we would be friendly with each other. However, after my first attempt to be friendly, he texted me and told me that he could not be friends. I told him okay, I would delete his number and this would be goodbye. That lasted a week. I get an email from my ex saying he was unhappy with the way it ended and that he missed our conversations. I wrote back that I was open to communication. That we should chat about boundaries. He agreed yet got cold feet. He texted me and said it was too soon. I wrote back and said let's have one phone conversation and after that, if he never wants to talk that's fine. During the phone conversation, I said that I feel bad that I didn't support him and that I wanted to be with him, but needed a man, who could provide. He said he didn't trust me to wait. After the phone call, I told him that I still loved him and wanted to earn his trust back. He responded that we should just move on. That night he texted me again. He says, I say all that because I need space, but I forgive you and still love you.". I said, "ok I'll give you space, but I want you to know that I mailed your Christmas gifts." He proceeded to send me 6 texts which I ignored. On Chrismas day, he texted me asking for my address because he wanted to send my gift too. I sent him the address.

When my gift came in the mail, I texted him thank you. He asked me if I liked it. We proceeded to have a very friendly conversation. Other than asking for my address, I've been intiating most of the conversation. He was surprised that I chose to stay single. He had made a joke about being replaced.

My question is where is this going? What do I need to do if I want to reconcile?(I'm not sure I do until his job situation changes)?

Have you ever met him in person?

How much time do you two spend together in person, not over an electronic device? How long did you date before you became long distance?

How much time do you two spend together in person, not over an electronic device? How long did you date before you become long distance?

To answer everyone's question, we have never met in person. His first exam was in September. Ideally, he would have passed and our first in-person meeting would have been December 8th (we had plans and everything).

Is there any reason why you haven't been dating locally?

two reasons

1. I'm looking for someone of the same faith

2. Lack of interest from local guys (bar guy is the first guy to ever hit on me, I'm 29).

two reasons

 

1. I'm looking for someone of the same faith

2. Lack of interest from local guys (bar guy is the first guy to ever hit on me, I'm 29).

How about meeting men at church? Instead of bars? Bars have a very low percentage for finding men of faith. I mean, people of faith drink alcohol of course, but bars don't tend to be places where people of faith congregate and are looking for others of faith.

lol true. My problem is I don't meet many men my age at church. I take it that I should move on and date locally if I can. (I agree with this FYI). Also I wasn't in said bar to pick up anybody, it just sort of happened. I was just there with a friend.

Unfortunately, until you meet in person, this was largely a fantasy.

You don’t truly know a person until you’ve spent ample time together offline. There is no way to accurately assess chemistry and compatibility virtually, so it wasn’t a great idea to put the cart before the horse here.

Furthermore, if it was taking a year to even get to the first meeting, this really didn’t have much chance of working out. Trying to make a relationship work would’ve been a logistical nightmare, and it seems your family and friends were trying to open your eyes to this.

I wouldn’t waste more time on this man, OP.

Unfortunately, until you meet in person, this was largely a fantasy.

 

You don’t truly know a person until you’ve spent ample time together offline. There is no way to accurately assess chemistry and compatibility virtually, so it wasn’t a great idea to put the cart before the horse here.

 

Furthermore, if it was taking a year to even get to the first meeting, this really didn’t have much chance of working out. Trying to make a relationship work would’ve been a logistical nightmare, and it seems your family and friends were trying to open your eyes to this.

 

I wouldn’t waste more time on this man, OP.

Yes, thank you. I don't know why I'm struggling to accept this, but you're totally correct. It's sad to me because on paper he is very much what I wanted. Guess the distance was too much

How far away is he, exactly?

How far away is he, exactly?

3,000 miles

What got me is you "dated" for a year and he didnt have your address. This guy is not worth the aggro. You dont really know him since you've never met him, never spent time with him. Get out from behind that computer screen and look for a local guy who you can truly get to know, see, interact with. You've got a fantasy going on with Mr Online.

How often did you speak to him? How much do you really know about him, apart from what he’s simply told you?

Your friends and family likely saw things you didn’t want to see, such as the infeasibility of a relationship with a guy who lives 3000 miles away and couldn’t even meet you once in an entire year.

The red flag is never meeting. Date locally.

dated long distance for one year. I was worried that he would never come to see me.

3,000 miles apart and never met him yet? No way. I'd give up if I were you. Date someone local. It's more practical and local relationships are more enduring.