Jump to content

Not sure if she’s sure about breakup, need advice on what I should do


Totoboto

Recommended Posts

Hi so quick summary..

 

I was with my ex for just short of 3 years, I was living at her house for 2 years. We had a good relationship, never argued and both enjoyed each other’s company.

 

We ended up breaking up about 6 weeks ago, she initially said she needed space so I packed up my essentials and moved home. I gave her 2 weeks of space and we didn’t contact each other. After 2 weeks I text her and said I’m ready to talk when she is but she replied saying she doesn’t think there’s anything to talk about and we’d be better off as friends. I told her I respect that if that’s what she really wants and told her I loved her, she said she loved me too.

 

This is when the breakup actually hit me, so in a desperate state I started watching “ex back” videos on YouTube and found one guy who said you should try and build respect and attraction back. So after 5 days I rang her and got her to agree to meet as it had been a while since we’d seen each other.

 

I went to hers and she greeted me with a big hug and we talked about what we had been up to and I told her about how I know I’d screwed up and basically taken her love for granted which I know I did. I ended the interaction and said I had to go, she agreed we should see each other again and we had another big hug before I left and she kissed me on the cheek?

 

I let her have space again for around 5 days and called her again, she answered, I had her on the call and was making her laugh and we agreed again to meet up, I told her to let me know when she’s free and she said she would text me.

 

We went back to radio silence again and this brings me to now. We were radio silent for just over 3 weeks. I’ve done a lot of self growth in this time and can now identify every aspect of what went wrong, they’re not major issues but I can see why over time she reached breaking point. This being my first committed relationship I didn’t see the signs and never did anything to improve the relationship and just expected our love to carry us through.

 

I genuinely need to get the last of my things as I need some stuff for work, and also I need to move on if she’s not wanting to reach out to me. I’ve let all my emotions go, I’ve been living well, seeing friends and working hard and life’s good. I do want her back in my life but respect her decision.

 

Last thing, I know I’ve dragged this out.. so I messaged her 4 days ago asking if I could get the last of my things she said Yes but she was at her Dads and would be back the next day. We agreed for me to go round then. The day came and just as I was about to set off she messaged saying she’s home but doesn’t feel too good could I come another night, I told her ok let me know when’s best and I’ve not heard anything now for 3 days. Is she realising I’m trying to move on and having doubts? I don’t know.. her most recent text exchanges have seemed quite flirty like they were when we were in the relationship, apposed to post breakup.

 

I do want to talk to her to see if we can work this out or if I should move on, but I don’t want to be pushy. I also need my things.

 

Need advice on what I should do, thanks for reading all the way if you have!

Link to comment

If she cared while in the relationship, she would've addressed the things she wanted fixed and waited to see if that happened. She didn't do this. A woman usually thinks long and hard before breaking up because she knows it will probably be forever. She was plain done and didn't care, by that point, if things could improve.

 

Whatever reason she didn't want to see you to return your things--maybe she had a guy over, maybe she was afraid you'd try to talk her into getting back together, is something you can't know. How about asking her to box up your things, and ask her to text you when she can put them outside of her door so you can pick it up at both of your convenience.

 

I've never once returned to an ex, because on again off again relationships usually don't work for good reason. Just learn from your mistakes for better success with another woman in your future.

Link to comment

She’s not worried about you moving on. She just seems to be avoiding you because she knows you will want to talk about the relationship.

 

Unfortunately, she’s not on the same page as you in terms of working things out. So many dumpees do exactly what you’re doing now (“building attraction”, realizing all the mistakes they think they’ve made, trying to be fun and flirty without adding pressure, and so on) only to painfully concede later that none of it works if the other person really wants out.

 

Will your ex have a change of heart? Perhaps. It’s best not to hedge any bets on that, though. She is currently giving no indication that reconciliation is her aim. What were the problems that led to her requesting space in the first place?

Link to comment

Sorry to hear this. What was the breakup about? Do you have different goals? Discuss getting the rest of your things. Stop watching the get your ex back material. Unfortunately she's been considering for quite some time and you know the reasons why.

 

I was with my ex for just short of 3 years, I was living at her house for 2 years. We had a good relationship

she replied saying she doesn’t think there’s anything to talk about and we’d be better off as friends.

We were radio silent for just over 3 weeks.

I genuinely need to get the last of my things as I need some stuff for work

I messaged her 4 days ago asking if I could get the last of my things she said Yes but she was at her Dads and would be back the next day. We agreed for me to go round then. The day came and just as I was about to set off she messaged saying she’s home but doesn’t feel too good could I come another night, I told her ok let me know when’s best and I’ve not heard anything now for 3 days.

Link to comment

You do know that those "Get your ex back, guaranteed!!!!!" so called programs don't work, right? They are not designed to help you but to separate you from your money. I really hope you didn't pay that scam artist.

 

And everyone's heard of those, including their tired, lame tactics of "30 days no contact!!" followed by a "light" text to "build attraction". You're probably supposed to post stuff on social media showing you having a great time. Then you're supposed to gradually build up contact and then invite her to an event. Then, bingo! She's back in your arms!!! And of course, for best results you should buy their "full program".

 

Yeah, we all know about those tactics because all of the supposed experts advise the exact same things. But, they don't work! Those silly tactics ignore free will, where people can decide whether or not they want to be with someone. And no "light" text or social media post will change that.

 

I recommend you continue on with what you've been doing as far as friends, keeping busy and staying healthy. That in itself is a reward. And who knows what the future will hold? You may meet someone who will have you scratching your head wondering why you thought you wanted this woman back.

Link to comment

Aw man, I'm sorry, but I agree with the others. The ex-back scammers really target those who are in the initial throws of pain after a difficult breakup. It doesn't sound like she's regretting her decision, and while you continue to agonize and obsess over what you can do to trick her back into the relationship, she is continuing to move on.

 

Step back and take a really deep breath. You have a choice to make right now. You can avoid doing some begging and other pathetic behaviors if you just heed the warning. You don't have to accept what we are saying in full, but know in a few months that you will, whether you force a meeting where you break down in front of her or not.

Link to comment
She’s not worried about you moving on. She just seems to be avoiding you because she knows you will want to talk about the relationship.

 

^^^^ this was my first thought as well buddy . Pay no heed ( and certainly no money ) to these you tubers ..you might as well have watched me dancing with my knickers on my head for an hour .

 

just ask her to leave your stuff outside and you will drive straight round and get it ...or a friend get it ?

Link to comment

Dont worry I've not spent any money nor do I plan on, I was just watching for advice.

 

I basically knew what the guy was saying wasnt the right way to approach.

 

I found more info about the no contact and used that hence not contacting at all even over christmas.

 

Think I'll go with what's been said and send one last message asking her to leave my stuff in the shed and I'll go round at a time I know she wont be in.

 

I was only going to talk about the relationship if she wanted to, if I was to see her to get my stuff I was simply going to say that I'm moving on, I do love her and want to fix it but it's on her and to contact me if she wants to sort it. Then I was going to go back no contact and continue moving on, if she contacted then great, if not I'll get my answer and be able to keep moving on

Link to comment

Just do what you are doing. Stay no contact, she knows where to reach you.

 

Ask her to leave your stuff outside so then theres no need for further contact.

 

If she refuses then i would suggest she's possibly seeing other people and holding onto your stuff in case it doesn't work out with new guys.

Link to comment
Why did she initially break up with you, OP?

 

She said she thinks we need a break, she basically said she wasnt happy and needs to sort her life out.

 

I know now I'm out of the relationship I wasnt doing the things to make her happy, I loved her and just cruised along, the signs she was giving me made me think all was ok but it obviously wasnt.

 

I allowed our life to just get a bit boring, we didnt have the right balance of seeing friends and doing stuff outside of the relationship. She would always call me and tell me to hurry home, so I would we just ended up smothering each other. I stopped courting her and I know that's wrong, I let life get in the way and shouldn't have stopped building that attraction.

Link to comment
All sounds very vague and wishy washy excuse nonsense to me. Let's see what she says when you ask her to leave your belongings outside.

 

Have you done this yet and what did she say?

 

No I'll have to do it tomorrow now it's a bit late. I'll come back with what she says.

Link to comment
So she had never spoken to you about being unhappy in the relationship?

 

The only concern she ever raised was with communication. She has been struggling with depression and sometimes when I had worries or stresses I would keep them to myself as not to burden her anymore hence sometimes I would be a little quiet when she would talk. I know couples should share everything but it's hard sometimes.

Link to comment

Looks to me pretty obvious that this isn't just a break, this is a done deal. Sorry man, but if she won't talk to you there's not much you can do other than politely move on. I agree with the comments I've seen here about how the advice on winning back your ex doesn't work. Be a class act, let her know you're there if she wants to talk, then call it a day. Sounds like the experience has taught you some valuable lessons about yourself. Best of luck.

Link to comment

It sounds like a relationship of convenience and expedience. Not as if you had plans or goals or a future. She picked up on that and decided it's time for you to get out of her house. Do you live with your parents? Why were you camping out at her place this much? Does she make a lot more money than you?

About 10 months in we got to the point of seeing each other basically every night and she said I might as well move in
Link to comment
It sounds like a relationship of convenience and expedience. Not as if you had plans or goals or a future. She picked up on that and decided it's time for you to get out of her house. Do you live with your parents? Why were you camping out at her place this much? Does she make a lot more money than you?

 

So she asked me to move in and I lived with her for 2 years up until the break. Before we met I was just working my out of a debt situation and looking at get my own place (rented). I also wasnt just taking a free ride, I paid her rent every month of half the mortgage and did the majority of house hold shopping. We had discussed plans of getting a place together once I had saved up enough for a deposit.

Link to comment

Ok it sounds like you were incompatible when it came to finances, values and goals. Sorry this happened, but it seems to have run it's course due to inertia.

Before we met I was just working my out of a debt situation and looking at get my own place (rented). We had discussed plans of getting a place together once I had saved up enough for a deposit.
Link to comment
Just get your stuff back OP. Don't let her hold onto it, don't let her keep you as an option.

 

So I messaged her, getting stuff back tomorrow, I asked her if she could sort my things and I understand if she doesn’t want to see me I’ll text her when I’m 5 mins away and she can put it on the doorstep. She’s sorting my things and said a couple of messages later “Don’t think that I don’t want to see you, that’s not the case at all”?

Link to comment

It's your responsibility to get your things. It's not her job to sort through and pack it all up. If you do not make arrangements eventually she can sell, keep or throw it out. No don't text 5 min before.

 

It's your job to find a mutually agreeable time and pack up and get your own things. No one is your free moving/packing/storage service. No one has to be at your beck and call with 5 min notice. Stop playing games. it's over when someone asks you to move out.

I asked her if she could sort my things and I understand if she doesn’t want to see me I’ll text her when I’m 5 mins away and she can put it on the doorstep.
Link to comment
So I messaged her, getting stuff back tomorrow, I asked her if she could sort my things and I understand if she doesn’t want to see me I’ll text her when I’m 5 mins away and she can put it on the doorstep. She’s sorting my things and said a couple of messages later “Don’t think that I don’t want to see you, that’s not the case at all”?

 

 

 

Ok that's fine, you can get your stuff now and then you can begin the process of moving on. Once you have your stuff block her on everything.

Link to comment

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...