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Thread: Rollercoaster Ride and Venting

  1. #11
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by inthewind
    I finally left my husband after 5 years of marriage. I got tired of feeling like an obligation and the constant threats that he was going to cheat on me. His mother was constantly in our business. I left the week or so before Christmas.
    Good for you. That's a tough time of year to leave--you must have really wanted out. I read through your posts on this board and it seems pretty clear that your marriage has been going steadily down hill for the last three years.

    Originally Posted by inthewind
    Worse yet, I kind of believe what he and his mom said about me. Maybe I shouldn't have left the way I did and even though I didn't feel anything toward him when I went to go get my things (which he and his mother boxed for me) I still feel loss. Idk! I'm not sure I have the capacity to ever love again.
    You have to have faith in yourself. Tune out the negative things that other people tell you. They are just trying to bring you down.

    Of course you feel loss. You are losing a part of yourself and your life, bad relationship or not. And you will be able to love again, but you do need time to heal. You've taken the most important step:By exiting this bad situation, you make room for a good relationship in the future. The rest is a matter of time and patience.

    Originally Posted by inthewind
    Maybe I'm hurt because I had promised myself a romanticized and apparently unrealistic notion of..."when I fall in love...it'll be forever...blah, blah, blah!
    You're not the first person to make this mistake and you surely won't be the last. Give yourself a break.

    Originally Posted by inthewind
    Maybe I have nothing left to offer. I'm kind of plain looking yet why would I want a man who thought I was beautiful only on the outside?! Idk, I'm not sure of myself as of right now. I guess I needed to vent and....IDK!? Perhaps I was feeling lonely because of New Year's Eve, even though my husband and I never did anything special. I cannot help but wonder if marriage counseling would have helped but someone suggested it to him and from my understanding he that it was a general answer and wasn't exactly willing to go. I feel like I'm the one who caused the pain and stress I have gone through since I left. I keep asking myself could I have done something to have fixed the problem?! If I kept a better house and cooked our marriage would have survived, according to him, anyways. Idk, I just needed advice and maybe a hug...or someone to say things will get better. I feel like I dugged a hole and I cannot get out of it. SIGH!
    Aw. :(

    Here's a (((((((((((hug))))))))))))

    I think you did the right thing. It will get better.

  2. #12
    Gold Member
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    Originally Posted by inthewind
    . Maybe I'm hurt because I had promised myself a romanticized and apparently unrealistic notion of..."when I fall in love...it'll be forever...blah, blah, blah! Maybe I have nothing left to offer.

    I keep asking myself could I have done something to have fixed the problem?! If I kept a better house and cooked our marriage would have survived, according to him, anyways. Idk, I just needed advice and maybe a hug...or someone to say things will get better. I feel like I dugged a hole and I cannot get out of it. SIGH!
    OP, I am SO sorry you are going thru this. EVERYONE thinks when they fall in love it will be forever- I certainly never thought when I got married the first time it would end in divorce. But- Life happens and the truth is we just never know. But at LEAST 50% of all marriages end in divorce, even less are blissfully happy, and even in the BEST of marriages- someone dies. Nothing lasts forever, that's just a cultural fairy tale.
    Give yourself a break. Sometimes we make mistakes.

    The thing no one ever tells you about marriage is that people change. You can never predict how you or your partner will change over the years. You won't always know issues that will arise or how you or they will react.

    You can't fix someone else. You can't "make" someone else happy. There's nothing you "could have done". Your husband and his mother both sound like bullies. I feel for you. My ex used to involve his mother in ALL of our arguments. It was like a poison. And of course it was always skewed with himself as the victim.

    You CAN get out of it and things CAN get better. Please don't beat yourself up and sell yourself short. I have been there, it's hard to admit when a marriage hasn't gone as planned. It was a tough time in my life, too. But I got thru it, and you can too!!! If it helps gives you hope- I am now in that wonderful marriage that I had always hoped for. Sometimes it's okay to sit back and just say " You know what? I tried to make it work, but we just weren't compatible as a married couple". it doesn't have to be the end of the world. You were a complete and worthy person before you met him and you can be (AND ARE!) a complete person after him. Seek out as much support as you can and make a plan. You GOT this!

    Best of luck to you. Feel free to message me anytime.

  3. 01-03-2020, 12:03 PM

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