Should I join into a Polygamy?

I met a guy in August online. First message he sent me was "You're mines but you dont even know it yet" We would text here and there but I would always deny his suggestions to go out or go out on a date because he turned me off when he asked if I ever thought of being in a threesome. Well, end of October he randomly calls me and I answered, and he was saying that he's been chasing me since August and when am I going to let him take me out etc. So I finally gave in and met up with him. We met up a few times after that and I told him I didn't want anything serious but he can be friends with benefits. He got upset and said he wanted more than that... He was living with the mother of his kids, and said that he was in a loveless marriage and was going to leave when their lease ended in January because they both decided they didnt want to be together anymore so he wanted to start a serious relationship with me. Well fast forward to December I grew to like him a lot. In such short time we spent almost every day together after work in my place and I got to know him a lot and he opened up to me about a lot of things. I started to feel feelings I never felt before. You know as a woman I'm not the skinniest and have my insecurities and stretch marks and he would kiss and rub on all of them and grab my little belly pouch and say "this is the most beautiful part of a woman". Never in my life have I ever had a man say that to me or make me feel the way that he did. He accepted me how I was and it was an amazing feeling.

But the thing is that aside from him being this "amazing person" he did have a crazy side. God forbid I didnt answer his calls/texts within minutes he would go crazy and accuse me of being with someone, or if he wanted to hang out and I had something to do, he would say its cause I was going out on a date and just a ton of crazy stuff. Sometimes I would wake up to story book text messages from him telling me that I'm young and single and that he knows I'm with someone else and I need to go live my life. Then an hour later call me and say that I dont care about him or want to be with him because I didn't reply and that I'm hurting him cause he's in love with me. Personally speaking I feel like girls are the ones who act this way and honestly even though he was crazy I rather have a man act this way towards me then go ghost and play games and disappear. He was actually showing me that he cared.

But About two weeks ago, this just got way to intense and I had enough of the accusations and told him that I couldn't be with him anymore. It was just way to much and too toxic for me.

He then blocks me from everywhere, but days later calls one night and asks if I can meet up with him because he was at a hotel due to his wife kicking him out of the house. And I told him dude I understand but you have serious issues and I cant deal with you constantly accusing me of stuff etc.

Didn't hear from him and then on Christmas morning he texts me if I can meet up, After saying no for 2 hours, he texts me that he is downstairs from my house. Go figure, so I go downstairs and he starts sobbing, apologizing and telling me that he loves me and that he needs me in his life but he can't leave his wife and wants to make it work for the kids and asked me what I thought of a polygamy relationship because him and her spoke about bringing a 3rd person into the relationship before. I said "yeah not happening" He said that it can work, and the 3 of us can love each other and that he was willing to confess to her and tell her the truth that he's been seeing me and that he's in love with me. I was like dude "shes going to kill you if you tell her that" and he said that he was willing to risk his life to make this work but he just wants me to confirm that I am 100% on board. I was like absolutely not, you're crazy and this has to end. And he just brought up that I don't have to be alone anymore, and he wants to bring me into his family etc. and that since my lease was ending in January, and so was his, that we should all get a bigger place and move in together. I was like dude this fantasy you have, is never going to happen.

Well, the Saturday after Christmas, he calls me and tells me that he told his wife everything. And he told her the truth from the beginning, and that he was the one that chased me etc and that he wanted me in his life and that we had sex etc. And shockingly he said that she told him that she's willing to do whatever it takes to make him happy and she wants to meet me. And that she cried and was really hurt but she told him that maybe this is whats going to help their relationship. And he was just saying like imagine having two people love you and pleasuring you every night. Its going to be an amazing experience and we can all be happy together.

I was in complete shock. I was like she didn't pull out a machete? And he was just like the ball is in your court now, we're both on board and we want to be with you. I was like oh .

So that night, I receive a text message from a number and it was from her. It was a long message saying that this shes not upset, and doesn't want any fighting or drama and this isn't something she would ever do or accept but she wants him happy and if I'm wiling to commit with her and do whatever it takes to make him happy. I told her no because he is not my master and I'm independent not going to be controlled and that we deserve happiness to. So the next day I woke up really sick, and he called me and I told him I called out of work because I didn't feel well, so a few minutes after we hang up I get a text from her saying "hey heard you don't feel well, Let us know if you need anything, like food or errands, and she makes a really good soup when her kids are sick". And for the rest of the day kept checking up on me, and making conversation, trying to get to know me.

I'm like hold up, why is she being so nice to me? I slept with her husband, I'm the enemy. So at night he texts me and asks if I feel better and want to video chat to meet her. So we video call, and it was so awkward, but it was me and her on the phone, he was on the side but we just spoke about regular stuff, like 2020 goals, coffee, her kids, weight loss. There was a part where she asked me if I have tattoos and I told her no, do you, and she said yeah above her boob, and she begins to pull her shirt down to show me and he stops her, and says "oh let her discover it and see it for herself" so she told him "get out of here with of here with your pervertedness" and I was like yeah get out. He then says "so do you like what you see" and I responded can you not do this now and he was just like its gonna happen eventually so stop running from it. So anyways they are going to her brothers new years party, and he invited me earlier in the day and I told him no thank you. And before we ended the call, she was like oh he said you don't want to go to my brothers party but the invitation is there I'd be more than happy for you to come so we can meet and have a good time.

Again internally thinking, why is she being so nice. Inviting me to her brothers house?! and honestly they seem like the cutest, happiest couple, at least on camera, so I just feel like all of the stuff he told me in the beginning that they hated each other and he was leaving her was a lie.

Well today is NYE and he called me early in the morning, saying that after the video call last night, she feels like I don't like her and he was just like I thought you were on board and committing to this 100%,and I told him first of all I never agreed to this, second, I never asked you to confess everything to her because technically we were over, you're just throwing this onto both of us and expect us both to be happy and satisfying your fantasy.

He just got loud and was telling me that he put his life on the line for me. That he risked telling her and her reaction could have been her reaching for a knife and stabbing him or disappearing with the kids, etc. and that he hurt and made his wife cry for me. And I'm like you chose to do that not me. And he's just like whatever, Im offering to share my wife with you and introduce you to my kids and this is your response and he hung up on me. Then called me back and I told him that he was a liar, that he was never going to leave her and I asked if him if I can see him after work since he was getting off early, and he said to just go to the house to see her and him better and I said no, I just want to see you. And he said that we don't have to hide anymore and that he cant see me alone and If I want to see him alone to call/text his wife and ask for permission. I told him hell no that . and then I hung up.

He then sent me a text saying that the ball is in my court and if I can't commit 100% to him and her that to say it but he's not going to keep going back and fourth. I never responded.

Haven't heard from him or her since. And I'm just stuck and wanted some insight/advice/opinions on the situation. Am I wrong, This situation has just opened up so many unexpected feelings. I mean am I being irrational? I understand his position and being frustrated and in love with two women and she must be really hurt but is willing to accept her husbands affair and have me move in. I mean she's the real MVP for that. I mean I do like him a lot and I did have sex with a woman years ago but I kind of just want him, but if I want him, I have to accept her to? Thats not fair. will I just grow to love her. So many mixed emotions and I'm not sure what to do. Am I wrong to deny the love and acceptance of a married couple? (hence the beginning when he asked about a threesome, it seems like he had it all planned from the start) I just feel like we live in a society where cheating is expected and it is better to accept this than live in lies and deceit.

That would be a resounding NO! Cease all contact with him immediately!

Yes, you're irrational. There will always be jealous feelings between you and his wives. You'll have to forever share him which will make you feel embittered as well as your children. There's not enough of him to go around.

Its crazy read that again, feel awful , cut contact with them, its not healthy.

"I just feel like we live in a society where cheating is expected and it is better to accept this than live in lies and deceit" (to quote your words).

Well, you are already leaving a story full of lies and cheating.

Think about it: he told you he was in a liveless mariage, that was false. He said he woulx leave her in january when the lease is over ( another lie). He also lied to her for months cheating on her with you. So to sum it up, you are living exactly the story you don"t want to live.

I know, it feels good to be desired and wanted dispise all your imperfections but you can find another man who will caress your belly tenderly And is an honest human being as well.

have the gut to beleive it and put your self out there...

Or, go experiment polygamy if that is what you want but don't say it's because you can't find better or because it's honest.

You CAN find better.

And, it's illegal!

You're going to get hurt in this scenario, either emotionally or physically.

It's a tinderbox waiting to go up.

Walk away, now.

You know what else amazes me? How a piece of scum like this man, can fool two women into believing that he's love them and that he will take care of them.

He is the worst example of a man. Selfish, lying, deceptive, completely self centered. He does not care who gets hurt or who he hurts and you're fooling yourself if you think he does.

He thinks more with his nether bits than he does his head. He is more interested in how far you two women will go and what he can get you two to do, all for his own selfish pleasure.

Why are either one of you allowing this? Please tell me you're smarter than this, that you respect yourself more than this.

This is not love, this is some kind of sickness in his head. He has done nothing but lie to you. He has the right words, but that's all they are..words.

There is no heart behind it, there is no honesty behind it.

You decide what path you go down at the end of the day. But you will find a huge amount of pain if you follow him and his messed up ideas.

There are so many emotions going on, someone is bound to explode and be jealous and very upset.

These kinds of situations can be life destroying if they go wrong.

Choose carefully.

I have some friends who are polyamorous and know people who are and some of them have these kinds of relationships. Where one person is dating a couple. But the way I see it, all connections and attractions are individual and just because you like one person in a couple doesn't mean you will like the other one. I mean if him and the wife are polyamorous then why can't you continue to just keep seeing him on his own? Why do you have to be with her too?

Look I think there is a lot wrong with this situation. To be honest I don't understand why you were dating a guy who is married and lives with his wife. I think in these situations it's pretty clear that their relationship is not over and ninety nine times out of a hundred he is not going to leave the wife.

Also I think he is acting like a jerk because he's basically calling you ungrateful because he's trying to make you part of his family with his wife and kids, and you are not interested. Why do you owe it to him to date his wife and be part of his kids' lives? Just because he wants those things doesn't mean he can dictate to you what you're supposed to want. This is your life and he doesn't get to tell you how you should feel. And you're not even really into women so he's not respecting your sexuality. How would he like to be pressured to have sex with a man?

I am not saying pologamy is okay (or legal), however, I am under the impression that those who go into a situation like this, all are in the know how right from the start.

This is what's different in your situation. He lied to you, he lied to his wife. He deceived you both and is now forcing you both to accept this on HIS terms, in order to be allowed to remain with him.

None of this is fair, and to be honest, it's actually bordering on cruel to both of you women as no way can this be emotionally easy on either one of you.

He is not a good man and this situation is not okay.

He sounds as bad as a cult leader. A sociopath. Google it. Run.

he turned me off when he asked if I ever thought of being in a threesome.God forbid I didnt answer his calls/texts within minutes he would go crazy and accuse me of being with someone, or if he wanted to hang out and I had something to do, he would say its cause I was going out on a date and just a ton of crazy stuff.

This man is manipulative and unstable, OP.

I am shocked you have allowed contact of any kind to continue, much less arrive at the point of video-calling about becoming a sister wife.

You need to stay away from these people, and learn to strengthen your boundaries. Your current filter for the men you let in your life is broken, and you are going to wind up hurt. People with strong self-worth would’ve told this clown to bugger off the first time he let the Crazy Flag fly. You would be wise to reflect on why you didn’t. Are you lonely? Insecure?

They sounds nuts. Run. If he shows up again call the police. They are dangerous weirdos. He is most like quite abusive to her.

He just got loud and was telling me that he put his life on the line for me. That he risked telling her and her reaction could have been her reaching for a knife and stabbing him or disappearing with the kids, etc. and that he hurt and made his wife cry for me.

This whole situation is so twisted. He is completely manipulative and sounds quite deranged. If you are encountering all these issues now, do you honestly think it's going to get better??? Are you that desperate to be with a man? You need to get some self respect, OP, and leave NOW. Do yourself a favour and leave this toxic situation before the authorities need to get involved.

Run.

If a guy i only knew for a little while grabbed my stomach, he would get a knuckle sandwich/a black eye/a broken pointer.