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Hi all , I’m wondering if anyone has some advice for a woman in her 50s new to dating. It seems from what I’m hearing and seeing from friends showing me around the sites that many men in my age group are blocking their communications to women way young . They have their contacts limited to women up to 35 for example even though they have the box ‘ don’t want children ‘ ticked .

I’ve heard and read about the endless arguments about biology and why men might want these younger women . I’ve also read about the counter arguments of men’s deteriorating sperm quality with age and how some men desire a younger partner for ego reasons etc

Without going into all this type of gender discussion I’m wondering if anyone has any practical hands on advice for a woman in how she might best approach meeting a man in her age group . I’m not looking for a much younger or older man because I’m hoping to find a peer who has similar life experience and grew up at similar times .... but perhaps I’m being unrealistic ?

Thanks in advance

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I joined a meetup group for those wanting to meet, befriend and date people in middle age (40s and up). No one in the group is under 40 so those seeking younger dates are not members.

 

There's also dating sites specifically for middle age and older people. I believe one of them is Our Time, which is for people over 50. Again, those members are not seeking younger people to date but people nearer to their own age.

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Not all 50 year olds want women way younger than them so it's indeed best to focus on those who don't, like it's already beed stated. For the rest of them, there is nothing you can do to change whatever views they hold. They want what they want. Just ignore them. My personal observation has been that they tend not to be your peers mentally anyway. It's always best to go for people who want the same things as you.

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Not all men in their '50s want to chat to young women. I think that's very much an overstatement. Also, you could check out guys a little younger than you. I'm 52 and I'm currently dating a 45 year old guy who acts more mature than many 50 something guys I've met. Be more optimistic.

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I'm sorry for your experience, it must have been quite disheartening, but not all men in their 50's want younger women.

 

Many want someone who is the same age as them, same maturity, someone they can relate to and connect with, etc. (at least that's been my experience).

 

You'll meet a lot of frogs before you meet a prince. Don't give up hope, sometimes the good ones are hard to find...but they're out there!!

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Hi all , I’m wondering if anyone has some advice for a woman in her 50s new to dating. It seems from what I’m hearing and seeing from friends showing me around the sites that many men in my age group are blocking their communications to women way young . They have their contacts limited to women up to 35 for example even though they have the box ‘ don’t want children ‘ ticked .

I’ve heard and read about the endless arguments about biology and why men might want these younger women . I’ve also read about the counter arguments of men’s deteriorating sperm quality with age and how some men desire a younger partner for ego reasons etc

Without going into all this type of gender discussion I’m wondering if anyone has any practical hands on advice for a woman in how she might best approach meeting a man in her age group . I’m not looking for a much younger or older man because I’m hoping to find a peer who has similar life experience and grew up at similar times .... but perhaps I’m being unrealistic ?

Thanks in advance

 

I am also in my 50's .... but when I was in my 40's I had a few friends in their 50's who all said the same as you ....I remember one lol she showed me her POF inbox , she was 51 at the time ..it was full of older men ... some in their 70's ..and not one the same age ....I just didn't hear this story from her , I heard it from loads of women .... men our age seem to want to be with younger women ...anything so long as it is not the same age .....

Then I have male friends and a lot of them freely admit they would ragther go for younger ( not too young ) but certainly not the same age as themselves .

 

Sorry men I am only saying what I have seen .

 

I have also had a couple of men say we women age in our 50's , middle age spread , older faces then men our ages ..they seem to looked rugged and manly and cover their lines with stubble lol and that is why they are not attracted ..

 

I repeat to you all cos I know some of you will be getting your knickers in a knot here , these are things I have heard from the horses mouth so to speak .

 

However ...not all men view it like this and that is key to my comment ....NOT ALL MEN

 

I can't give you my experiences because I have stayed single now for

8/9 years so I was last dating in my 40's ...

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It sounds like you are not really trying. Are you recently divorced? You need to get some confidence. Stop with all the statistics. It's a cop out for not getting out there. Sure you can scan through dating apps and claim "they all want 35 year olds", but are you even messaging or meeting men?

They have their contacts limited to women up to 35 for example even though they have the box ‘ don’t want children ‘ ticked . I’ve heard and read about the endless arguments about biology and why men might want these younger women.
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I repeat to you all cos I know some of you will be getting your knickers in a knot here , these are things I have heard from the horses mouth so to speak .

 

However ...not all men view it like this and that is key to my comment ....NOT ALL MEN

 

On this very website, I frequently see men using breeding age as justification for dating younger women.

 

Maybe they really want to be dads.

 

But if they're not doting fathers after a couple years, we can revisit the validity of those claims lololol!

 

I’m wondering if anyone has any practical hands on advice for a woman in how she might best approach meeting a man in her age group . I’m not looking for a much younger or older man because I’m hoping to find a peer who has similar life experience and grew up at similar times .... but perhaps I’m being unrealistic ?

Thanks in advance

 

Where the internet is concerned, I think you should restrict your searches to groups that value middle age. You're not going to change men who chase the fountain of youth--and why would you want to? I feel exhausted just imagining a life with someone like that.

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My personal observation has been that they tend not to be your peers mentally anyway.

 

I agree.

 

No doubt I have seen guys on line looking to meet 18 to 35, while their 68. Which is hilarious to me.... for so many reasons, but I don't think it's all men.

 

when it comes to dating, you probably won't click with most guys. That's what makes clicking with someone so special.

 

Don't let generalizations and stereotypes get ya down. As Anthony Hopkins character in eet Joe Black said "Stay open! Lightening could strike!"

 

And let's face it, what used to be the debonair men of a certain age of yesteryear, is not the same. You wanna talk middle age spread? These guys may want younger, but can they get them? [emoji23]

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Hi again all, I have only dipped my feet in this time so yes it’s true that I need to get the feelers out more . However I should add that my last time in the dating arena was about five years ago when I was late 40s and even then noticed a lot of this as personal experience. I experienced dates where men told men about how his ‘lucky’ mate ‘scored’ a young chick , guys who spent the whole date ogling the young waitress ( very disheartening when I’d spent time getting ready and really liked him)and even another guy who told me he had a Dream last night about sleeping with his 19 yr old daughters best friend. It’s not like I didn’t try to get to know these guys a bit first either bu talking but it’s not easy to gauge these attitudes as perhaps they are happy to use older women for sexual but don’t desire them for relationship

These were, of course, the men who my age who me wrote or who I could actually contact . There were many I saw who looked interesting but who had restricted their profiles to younger women only.

And sure like lambert points out they may want younger but would they get it ..... but who wants to be with a guy who’s dreaming constantly of that and just using you

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I can tell you, as a 59 year old man, that my taste in women has changed. I find woman my age far more attractive than younger women. I also enjoy the conversations with someone my own age (seriously, do I want to hear a 30 year old person's babble?).

 

And, although I am spoken for, I can still find other women attractive, it's natural. Now, fantasizing about it or acting on it... that's not right!

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Hi again all, I have only dipped my feet in this time so yes it’s true that I need to get the feelers out more . However I should add that my last time in the dating arena was about five years ago when I was late 40s and even then noticed a lot of this as personal experience. I experienced dates where men told men about how his ‘lucky’ mate ‘scored’ a young chick , guys who spent the whole date ogling the young waitress ( very disheartening when I’d spent time getting ready and really liked him)and even another guy who told me he had a Dream last night about sleeping with his 19 yr old daughters best friend. It’s not like I didn’t try to get to know these guys a bit first either bu talking but it’s not easy to gauge these attitudes as perhaps they are happy to use older women for sexual but don’t desire them for relationship

These were, of course, the men who my age who me wrote or who I could actually contact . There were many I saw who looked interesting but who had restricted their profiles to younger women only.

And sure like lambert points out they may want younger but would they get it ..... but who wants to be with a guy who’s dreaming constantly of that and just using you

ugh those creepy guys that say such inappropriate things like wanting to have sex with their daughter's friend. so gross. some guys really have no clue and then they hate women. in all honesty, who would want to have any thing to do with a guy like that.

 

I'm here to tell you, that is not normal. And not all guys are like that at all!

 

Don't blame yourself or your age for giving a guy a chance and then him being stupid on the date.

 

At the same time, see a red flag for what it is and act accordingly i.e. get away!

 

But also don't excuse the behavior as in boys will be boys....

 

I'm not saying there aren't creeps out there. Or guys that are looking for younger women. There are also young men that will message you because they think older women are easier to have sex with. There are also people that just want to have sex or just find a pen pal or scam the opposite sex out of money. There are married people...I mean everything and the kitchen sink is on line...

 

You gotta take things for what they are worth. Read the signs etc. But negativity leads to more negativity. Don't go through dating with a chip on your shoulder. that is not attractive.

 

Fun, light, positive that is what you should focus on. No one wants to be with a downer. You will never be any younger than you are right now. Just keep trying to network IRL and let OLD be on the back burner but still an option.

 

Is there a guy you think you might be interested in but you are out of his range? We could definitely help you craft a message to him....

 

Because if it's just the concept of men wanting younger women and how to change that, you cant. it's just like women want rich guys. But again, they may not get them....

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Yes absolutely agree that it’s important to keep a positive mindset . I don’t mean for it to come across as if I believe I would absolutely come across men only who think this way . I’m certain that wouldn’t be the case . I guess after my last experience I’m just hoping to hear some alternatives to going in blind again and coming across so much of that stuff

The idea about being able to screen for men who had those types of limiting ideas was great btw . I remember one of the real disheartening things was reading through a mans profile a few times , getting all ready to write and then hitting that button only to see ‘ this users only allows users from 18-35 to send messages ‘ or the such. If there was some way sites could allow women to screen out men who had effectively blocked a woman it would be awesome

Any how’s ...I suppose I was hoping people might have some way of screening for men who held these age biases . Obviously many will naturally screen themselves out which is altogether a good thing , but I note that there were men who wanted to have the dates and seemed keen to pressure for sex ( didn’t happen) but behaved in ways I described so wernt really serious about a relationship . Perhaps there are some ways of recognising such men that I’m simply not doing ? I really feel in a good place , I want to keep in a good place but last time I ended up not feeling not so great . Does that even make sense

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I would argue that any guy in his 50s who only wants to date women aged 35ish is a bit delusional. It's a shame that dating sites don't allow you to block off any men who are doing that.

 

AGREE!!

 

I will say my aunt was a widow at 60 and she started going to singles gatherings a few years later and the men were all 80+ and the oldest woman was 66. I do think anytime you can meet men through shared activities -- the rotary club, getting involved with volunteering, taking a class, etc, it is more likely you will meet someone where there is no pressure and you may meet a really decent guy who may be 50-60 to date because you just hit it off.

 

But i would also say, if a 55 year old woman keeps herself up -- flattering hairstyle, dresses for her figure, is in healthy

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I get what you're saying and everything you point out, is why people hate on line dating.... it's a ton of work and even if you make it to a live date, there's no guarentee.....

 

I don't think your missing anything or there are any tips specific to those blocks, but... I'm always open to being corrected [emoji23]

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Like I mentioned earlier, Our Time is a dating site for those over 50 who are looking to date people of similar age. OP, have you tried Our Time or other sites like it?

 

Also, the Meetup group I mentioned where the members are also looking to date in their own age range.

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Any how’s ...I suppose I was hoping people might have some way of screening for men who held these age biases

 

I don't think there's any way to tell ahead of time, unfortunately. It's the same as with any bias or stupidity: you simply have to spend the time getting to know someone before you can see their limitations. To protect yourself, keep a mindset of being single for the long-haul so that you don't rush into something that you later regret.

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Why aren't you on quality (paid) dating apps? How many men do you need? The collection of clowns and bad experiences from years ago? Your mindset is the problem. Until that changes, you'll have great difficulty finding even one man. This defeatist attitude that the problem is "all men my age want 18-35 year olds" is you scanning cheap sites with the default age group listed. You seem to be putting zero effort into this and have decided men, not you are the problem. In that case all you are seeing is your own negative self-fulfilling prophecy.

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