Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 12

Thread: Friendship with a married man

  1. #1

    Join Date
    Dec 2019
    Posts
    1

    Friendship with a married man

    Hello all

    So here is my issue:
    In May I started a new work, where I got a lot of new colleagues of course. Since them one of this colleague became a really good friend to me. He is a 38 year old man I'm a 23 year old woman. We are really close, we text each other often, phone sometimes and when we are off work we go anywhere, sometimes only we two and sometimes with other friends and of course sometimes with his wife as well. Yes he's married since 16 years. His wife is totally fine with his and mine friendship. At the beginning everything was fine but then I started to have feelings for him, which are more than just friendship. Those feelings are meanwhile quite strong. I know that I have no chance to be with him the way I'd love to. He's happily married and his wife is very nice and my friend as well and I would never want to bring them apart. Sometimes it really hurts to see them together und realise again that he will never be mine... and I don't know if I can stay so close friends with him, despite loving him. On one hand I really want to stay friends with him and be as close to him as now, but on the other hand I think that maybe it would be better to distance myself to them and let him go and don't be friends with him anymore in order to set my heart free...
    Do you guys have any advice? Or what would you do in this situation?

  2. #2
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Location
    Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared
    Age
    53
    Posts
    37,285
    Gender
    Female
    It is time to end this friendship.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Posts
    1,747
    Splash cold water on your face, get a wake up call and reality check. Know how to enforce strong, healthy boundaries. You need to really back off and learn to decline getting together with your colleague especially during off work hours.

    Respect his marriage and his wife by exercising common sense discretion.

    Change your behavior. Become professional, polite, well mannered yet keep a safe distance. Behave yourself properly like an intelligent lady.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Posts
    12,975
    Imagine his wife finding out you're in love with her husband. Does she deserve that kind of hurt?

    Step away and end this "friendship".

  5.  

  6. #5
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2015
    Location
    Ontario Canada
    Posts
    6,168
    Gender
    Female
    Yup you need to end this, you are too emotionally involved with this married man.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    36,946
    Gender
    Male
    You need to get your own bf outside of work. Stop texting and hanging out with him. If he is bothering you file a sexual harassment case. This will not end well if you continue. You will either get fired or get hurt. At this point your coworkers are noticing this already and view you as the office coquette. Soon no one you work with will respect you or want to deal with you. Get your own bf.
    Originally Posted by Lilly96
    Since them one of this colleague became a really good friend to me. He is a 38 year old man I'm a 23 year old woman. We are really close, we text each other often, phone sometimes and when we are off work we go anywhere, sometimes only we two.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Posts
    9,559
    How do you know his wife is fine with this friendship? Did he tell you that? Iíd be careful in assuming heís telling the truth about that.

    This reads like a relatively inexperienced young woman getting involved with a married guy who will take advantage of her naivety. Itís just not a good idea, OP.

    Youíre going to get hurt one way or another.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member SGH's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2018
    Posts
    1,153
    Gender
    Female
    Listen, having feelings for a coworker is a normal experience. Even if they are married. However, what you do with those feelings moving forward defines what kind of person you are.

    Think very carefully. Do you actually want a relationship with this man? Would you be willing to face the ridicule of your coworkers and possibly both of your families? Would you be willing to switch departments or quit your job? Could you handle keeping it a secret at the job, even if you two broke up? Would you be willing to play a parental role towards children involved? Would you be willing to allow him to communicate with his wife after their divorce to assist with co-parenting and honestly trust him?

    I don't know the extent of your situation, and what I'm saying may seem extreme, but I can tell by your post that you're considering making a move on him. Affairs are unpleasant for ALL parties involved after the initial "rush", and they destroy lives. Please consider backing off gradually and reducing all unnecessary contact with this man. You're 23 and have your whole life ahead of you.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Snny's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2010
    Posts
    6,398
    If my husband was behaving the same way this guy is around you, divorce would immediately be on the table. Your contact with him is highly inappropriate and disrespectful toward his marriage. Thereís no way any woman in a committed marriage would be ok with this at all.

    Stay away from married dudes.

  11. #10

    Join Date
    Apr 2019
    Location
    NY
    Age
    59
    Posts
    436
    Gender
    Male
    Originally Posted by Snny
    If my husband was behaving the same way this guy is around you, divorce would immediately be on the table. Your contact with him is highly inappropriate and disrespectful toward his marriage. Thereís no way any woman in a committed marriage would be ok with this at all.

    Stay away from married dudes.
    Agreed... he wants a quicky in the copier room, that's all. Show some respect!

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •