Friendship with a married man

Hello all

So here is my issue:

In May I started a new work, where I got a lot of new colleagues of course. Since them one of this colleague became a really good friend to me. He is a 38 year old man I'm a 23 year old woman. We are really close, we text each other often, phone sometimes and when we are off work we go anywhere, sometimes only we two and sometimes with other friends and of course sometimes with his wife as well. Yes he's married since 16 years. His wife is totally fine with his and mine friendship. At the beginning everything was fine but then I started to have feelings for him, which are more than just friendship. Those feelings are meanwhile quite strong. I know that I have no chance to be with him the way I'd love to. He's happily married and his wife is very nice and my friend as well and I would never want to bring them apart. Sometimes it really hurts to see them together und realise again that he will never be mine... and I don't know if I can stay so close friends with him, despite loving him. On one hand I really want to stay friends with him and be as close to him as now, but on the other hand I think that maybe it would be better to distance myself to them and let him go and don't be friends with him anymore in order to set my heart free...

Do you guys have any advice? Or what would you do in this situation?

It is time to end this friendship.

Splash cold water on your face, get a wake up call and reality check. Know how to enforce strong, healthy boundaries. You need to really back off and learn to decline getting together with your colleague especially during off work hours.

Respect his marriage and his wife by exercising common sense discretion.

Change your behavior. Become professional, polite, well mannered yet keep a safe distance. Behave yourself properly like an intelligent lady.

Imagine his wife finding out you're in love with her husband. Does she deserve that kind of hurt?

Step away and end this "friendship".

Yup you need to end this, you are too emotionally involved with this married man.

You need to get your own bf outside of work. Stop texting and hanging out with him. If he is bothering you file a sexual harassment case. This will not end well if you continue. You will either get fired or get hurt. At this point your coworkers are noticing this already and view you as the office coquette. Soon no one you work with will respect you or want to deal with you. Get your own bf.

Since them one of this colleague became a really good friend to me. He is a 38 year old man I'm a 23 year old woman. We are really close, we text each other often, phone sometimes and when we are off work we go anywhere, sometimes only we two.

How do you know his wife is fine with this friendship? Did he tell you that? I’d be careful in assuming he’s telling the truth about that.

This reads like a relatively inexperienced young woman getting involved with a married guy who will take advantage of her naivety. It’s just not a good idea, OP.

You’re going to get hurt one way or another.

Listen, having feelings for a coworker is a normal experience. Even if they are married. However, what you do with those feelings moving forward defines what kind of person you are.

Think very carefully. Do you actually want a relationship with this man? Would you be willing to face the ridicule of your coworkers and possibly both of your families? Would you be willing to switch departments or quit your job? Could you handle keeping it a secret at the job, even if you two broke up? Would you be willing to play a parental role towards children involved? Would you be willing to allow him to communicate with his wife after their divorce to assist with co-parenting and honestly trust him?

I don't know the extent of your situation, and what I'm saying may seem extreme, but I can tell by your post that you're considering making a move on him. Affairs are unpleasant for ALL parties involved after the initial "rush", and they destroy lives. Please consider backing off gradually and reducing all unnecessary contact with this man. You're 23 and have your whole life ahead of you.

If my husband was behaving the same way this guy is around you, divorce would immediately be on the table. Your contact with him is highly inappropriate and disrespectful toward his marriage. There’s no way any woman in a committed marriage would be ok with this at all.

Stay away from married dudes.

If my husband was behaving the same way this guy is around you, divorce would immediately be on the table. Your contact with him is highly inappropriate and disrespectful toward his marriage. There’s no way any woman in a committed marriage would be ok with this at all.

 

Stay away from married dudes.

Agreed... he wants a quicky in the copier room, that's all. Show some respect!

I think it is okay to have these feelings. It is normal in a male/female friendship. Don't throw away your friendship with him. Be honest with him and find a way to deal with these feelings. It is possible to love two people. Close friendships, especially at work, can be very valuable. Do what you and he agree is best.

I think it is okay to have these feelings. It is normal in a male/female friendship. Don't throw away your friendship with him. Be honest with him and find a way to deal with these feelings. It is possible to love two people. Close friendships, especially at work, can be very valuable. Do what you and he agree is best.

I think his wife would disagree.