Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 22

Thread: Single after on and off abusive 6 year relationship

  1. #1

    Single after on and off abusive 6 year relationship

    This will be long but thank you to those who reply and read until the end.

    I feel awkward being back in the dating game after trying to move on from my ex when we broke up last year (and now have two babies out of it) he abused me in every way possible making me feel worthless and now I am trying to pick up the pieces of myself.

    A guy i work with that use to flirt with me (it was inappropriate for the work place and felt sexual even sometimes) got mad when I started to ignore him because I realized he is a bad person and started calling me terrible names like sl*ut who*re, thot, fat, ugly , and weird. This name calling has been going on for months and I just keep ignoring it because I know he is trying to get a reaction out
    Of me and I refuse to feed his stupid ego. It has got worse too because he has influenced the people he talks to to call me names too. I guess he canít handle when somebody ignores him , oh well .

    He was walking with a guy that doesnít work with us but comes in to our company every once in a while to stock things and when they were about to go through the door the guy I use to like turned his head around and looked in my direction , and so the other guy turned around and looked in my direction to see what he was looking at. I am wondering if he said something about me, like called me a or something , because that guy that doesnít work with us that I have never talked to, never use to pay attention to me but all of a sudden started turning his head to look at me a lot when ever he would come in to our company, when I was standing or when I would walk away he would turn his head to look at me and start to make these weird noises around me or Fake cough around me. Once we walked by each other and he turned his torso away from me and said excuse me (this is when the mixed signals started because that made me feel bad) but after that he walked towards me and walked close by me and I felt like he was looking at me and wanted to say something but didnít . And another time I looked up from a distance and he was staring and smiling at me with his eyebrows raised. I just smiled a little back when I looked away because I felt shy and it caught me off guard. Yesterday he looked at me and said excuse me with his eyebrows raised really high. We kept making eye contact yesterday , and I tried to break the ice by giving him a small smile each time (because people are always telling me I should smile more and I look mean lol) but then when I walked by him he was facing me but leaned his torso backwards from me (the second time he has done this, I donít get it) There are always customers or employees around us so itís weird to talk to him because I donít really work with him. I canít help but over analyze everybodyís body language and he is confusing me. Iím wondering if was checking me out and is attracted to me and is just intimidated by me thinking that I donít like him, hence the mixed signals (I have been told I have an off putting personality sometimes) but I actually do like him.

    Being with my abusive baby father for so long has destroyed my self esteem and I am trying to work on being more approachable and friendly and Iím
    Just afraid that guy thinks I donít like him ..I donít know what to do.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Posts
    4,041
    What you do is you take yourself more seriously and stop flirting with your coworkers or anyone related to or does work for the company. This includes vendors etc. The men around you are reacting to you in bad way because they can sense your low self-esteem and how easily attracted you are to anyone who looks at you (you're easy). I think you're hurt and looking for validation and affirmations of worth in the opposite sex because you didn't get that in your previous relationship... possibly ever in your life? Did you ever have a strong father figure or anyone who showed you what it's like to be loved and respected at the same time? I ask to get a better idea of where all this began and how long you've been living this way. I doubt it started with your previous relationship.

    Keep things professional at work, stay away from the men that you "like" at work and don't flirt with anyone or sleep with anyone there. It seems you have a reputation and they don't respect you. You don't want to start off on the wrong foot in any relationship and none of this is good news for you work-wise.

    All that previous behaviour also with your coworker calling you names should stop. It's rude, unprofessional and abusive/harassment. You should speak to management about it and if it's pervasive throughout the company and how men treat women there or there's a large following and part of the company culture, LEAVE. Do not tolerate that type of work place harassment.

  3. #3
    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    What you do is you take yourself more seriously and stop flirting with your coworkers or anyone related to or does work for the company. This includes vendors etc. The men around you are reacting to you in bad way because they can sense your low self-esteem and how easily attracted you are to anyone who looks at you (you're easy). I think you're hurt and looking for validation and affirmations of worth in the opposite sex because you didn't get that in your previous relationship... possibly ever in your life? Did you ever have a strong father figure or anyone who showed you what it's like to be loved and respected at the same time? I ask to get a better idea of where all this began and how long you've been living this way. I doubt it started with your previous relationship.

    Keep things professional at work, stay away from the men that you "like" at work and don't flirt with anyone or sleep with anyone there. It seems you have a reputation and they don't respect you. You don't want to start off on the wrong foot in any relationship and none of this is good news for you work-wise.

    All that previous behaviour also with your coworker calling you names should stop. It's rude, unprofessional and abusive/harassment. You should speak to management about it and if it's pervasive throughout the company and how men treat women there or there's a large following and part of the company culture, LEAVE. Do not tolerate that type of work place harassment.
    I would speak to management about the name calling but itís funny because he IS my manager. I donít think anything would happen if I reported him so I ignore it .

    And no my dad has never been there for me and has been emotionally unavailable my whole life. My mom also passed away when I was pregnant with my first child. I donít think I am ugly and I know I am not the most beautiful girl on the planet but, I think I am pretty when I dress up And I have been told I am pretty, and there are a few guys that like me but I am not interested in them. I have been pretty heavy up top since I was a teen , I am a DD, and I think that is what attracts some guys to me but I donít think I am ugly.

    I am wondering what my manager said to this vendor though, or if he said anything at all. I donít think itís a coincidence that they both turned around to look at me and after that the vendor all of a sudden started staring at me when he never use to. I always thought he was cute when I saw him but I never really noticed him until he started acting strange around me. I want to know if he was trying to get my attention and checking me out and if I should say something to him but he is giving me mixed signals so I donít know what to think.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Posts
    4,041
    Originally Posted by Ladyjewel87
    I would speak to management about the name calling but itís funny because he IS my manager. I donít think anything would happen if I reported him so I ignore it .

    And no my dad has never been there for me and has been emotionally unavailable my whole life. My mom also passed away when I was pregnant with my first child. I donít think I am ugly and I know I am not the most beautiful girl on the planet but, I think I am pretty when I dress up And I have been told I am pretty, and there are a few guys that like me but I am not interested in them. I have been pretty heavy up top since I was a teen , I am a DD, and I think that is what attracts some guys to me but I donít think I am ugly.

    I am wondering what my manager said to this vendor though, or if he said anything at all. I donít think itís a coincidence that they both turned around to look at me and after that the vendor all of a sudden started staring at me when he never use to. I always thought he was cute when I saw him but I never really noticed him until he started acting strange around me. I want to know if he was trying to get my attention and checking me out and if I should say something to him but he is giving me mixed signals so I donít know what to think.
    Just keep things professional at work. Your manager is crass and unprofessional and you have that going against you already. Do you think it's a good idea to start batting eyes at a vendor that your manager has already had a word with (likely about you)? This manager also had a thing for you and it's unlikely that he's going to like seeing you happy or flirting with someone else while you're clocking for pay on his time. Have a bit more self-respect. Don't worry about this vendor anymore.

    Do you have someone to help look after your kids? Join a class and meet people in your area. Be more involved in your community. I think you're isolated or feeling lonely. That's normal. But please find company in more appropriate ways. Think of your kids too. I think you should leave this place and find work elsewhere if you can but first you really ought to fix yourself and your mindset and how you approach your workplace. Stop making friends with your male coworkers in inappropriate ways or don't invite that kind of attention.

  5.  

  6. #5
    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    Just keep things professional at work. Your manager is crass and unprofessional and you have that going against you already. Do you think it's a good idea to start batting eyes at a vendor that your manager has already had a word with (likely about you)? This manager also had a thing for you and it's unlikely that he's going to like seeing you happy or flirting with someone else while you're clocking for pay on his time. Have a bit more self-respect. Don't worry about this vendor anymore.

    Do you have someone to help look after your kids? Join a class and meet people in your area. Be more involved in your community. I think you're isolated or feeling lonely. That's normal. But please find company in more appropriate ways. Think of your kids too. I think you should leave this place and find work elsewhere if you can but first you really ought to fix yourself and your mindset and how you approach your workplace. Stop making friends with your male coworkers in inappropriate ways or don't invite that kind of attention.
    Their father no longer lives us and hardly ever sees them. I have been with the company 5 years in January and I work full time . I also live very close by , within walking distance so working there is convenient for me. All I do is work and take care of my babies. They have a babysitter while I work. Child care is too expensive and they take up a lot of my time, I also donít have any close friends so I have not gone out in a long time. I havenít been with anybody else since their dad so yes it is starting to feel really isolated and lonely so getting some attention like that makes me feel a little better.

    I know itís not appropriate to be looking for attention from the vendor (I donít even know his name) but I hardly ever see him and when I do he is not there for very long , and now he is on my mind wondering why all of a sudden he kept turning around and staring at me and smiled at me with his eyebrows raised really high. But then he would lean backwards from me or turn his torso away and that is when the mixed signals started. Is he just testing the waters and wondering if I will say something to him or is he just playing me ? It also makes me wonder what my manager said to him for him to act this way.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Posts
    4,041
    No one here can tell you what your manager said. Why not just speak with your manager and clear the air? You seem settled working there and don't feel comfortable leaving due to the perks. As long as your manager is being a real douche to you and you have some history between the both of you, this thing with the vendor is not going to go well.

  8. #7
    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    No one here can tell you what your manager said. Why not just speak with your manager and clear the air? You seem settled working there and don't feel comfortable leaving due to the perks. As long as your manager is being a real douche to you and you have some history between the both of you, this thing with the vendor is not going to go well.
    I donít want to speak to him or even look at him because of things he has said and did to me and Iím afraid talking to him again or even looking at him is going to create that spark again with him that I want to go away. I noticed when that other guy started to give me attention it made me lose interest in my manager. Why do you say it will not go well with the vendor ?

  9. #8
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Location
    Central Canada
    Posts
    14,632
    Gender
    Female
    Do you have a Human Resources Department where you can go to someone and complain about this guy that calls you names and disrespects you like that?

    If I were you, I'd put my phone on record when he starts that chit and then take it to someone above his head. No one should have to put up with that kind of behaviour from their employer.

    As for the other guy, just ignore him because your so called manager has likely talked smack about you to him and the LAST thing you need is to be getting involved with anyone your manager knows. You don't want to have your personal or romantic life broadcast and/or made fun of if this vender dude spills the beans about what you two have been up to.

    Join something where you can meet some female friends and start working on being happy without a man in your life. Right now your priorities should be your babies and working on your social networks that aren't romantic in nature.

  10. #9
    Originally Posted by ThatwasThen
    Do you have a Human Resources Department where you can go to someone and complain about this guy that calls you names and disrespects you like that?

    If I were you, I'd put my phone on record when he starts that chit and then take it to someone above his head. No one should have to put up with that kind of behaviour from their employer.

    As for the other guy, just ignore him because your so called manager has likely talked smack about you to him and the LAST thing you need is to be getting involved with anyone your manager knows. You don't want to have your personal or romantic life broadcast and/or made fun of if this vender dude spills the beans about what you two have been up to.

    Join something where you can meet some female friends and start working on being happy without a man in your life. Right now your priorities should be your babies and working on your social networks that aren't romantic in nature.
    I was thinking about putting my phone on record but the last time I tried my phone turned off . He has been with the company almost 10 years so I just feel like nothing would really happen even if I did report him with proof so I just act like I donít hear it. Managers never stay where Iím at very long anyway before they transfer so i just ignore it.

    I have been single since the month before my son was born and itís really starting to get to me . He totally betrayed me and the kids with his broken promises and cheating on me right after our son was born, abandoning us. He even left me alone in the hospital after he was born. Everything he has done to me has mentally destroyed me. I went to the doctor for anti depressants after he was born (Iím not on them anymore) and she said I have ptsd. I feel awkward in social situations because I havenít gone out in so long. I donít want to be that single mom at family events struggling with two crazy babies, while whole families are looking at us being judgmental. I have a two 1/2 year old and one year old. But when they are older and they ask to go out I will take them but right now it is just hard with both of them being in diapers and getting into everything like monkeys.

    I would just like to know why the vendor kept turning his head to look at me all of sudden, was he checking me out or something ? Attracted to me? Or was he just playing me to see how I would react ? I feel as if he wasnít attracted to me he would not keep looking at me like he did or even smile at me. I wish I knew his name but I donít know how to talk to him. Maybe itís wrong , but I donít work directly with him and Itís not like I would have to see him there everyday because he is rarely there.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Location
    Central Canada
    Posts
    14,632
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by Ladyjewel87
    I went to the doctor for anti depressants after he was born (Iím not on them anymore) and she said I have ptsd.
    I'm sorry you've been through so much. Did your doctor refer you for therapy? If not, you would do well to get the psychological help you will need to get yourself in tiptop dating shape. You don't want to be looking for a man when you're lonely and suffering or you will just end up with someone like your ex and the shiftless father of your babies. You and they deserve being with a good man that values you but you need to be the best you that you can be so you find a good one.



    I would just like to know why the vendor kept turning his head to look at me all of sudden, was he checking me out or something ? Attracted to me?
    No one here can answer that for you but rather than be focusing on that, focus on getting yourself through the PTSD. If he is interested in you, he will ask you out... that's all you need to know. I wouldn't go out with him though, you're not in a good place mentally to be dating right now. You're far too vulnerable.

Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast

Videos


Maintaining A Strong Relationship

Detaching From a Malignant Man

Divorced Parents Prefer Technology and Social Media As Communication Tool

Wedding Jitters Could Be a Predictor for a Future Divorce

Botox Fights Depression And Makes You Feel Happier

Men Are More Sensitive than Women when Having Relationship Problems
Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •