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Thread: Do I stay or do I go?

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jan 2018

    Do I stay or do I go?

    Happy New Year everyone!!

    Just looking for others in a similar position or anyone whos willing to give their two cents as it were on this situation.

    I am a 27 year-old female, single..no job. No kids, nothing. I do however have two degrees under my belt, both in music, one which I got just 2 weeks ago (MA). I got the degree in the city where I moved in September 2018 and became a different version of myself ; my anxiety lessened as I became very sociable and generally just very busy compared to my quiet life in the country with my parents. I then became extremely unwell in May with what the doctors suspected was a bad case of post infectious IBS. This wasnt just a week thing. This was every day in the last half of my degree, spasms, pain, running to the bathroom and as a result I lost weight and my anxiety spiked due to the nature of my bodys behaviour. For this reason, I decided to run from a great opportunity doing consistent gigs in the city with my friends (Im a lead singer in a band and gigged more or less every week or so from jan this year to october) and refused moving in with 5 of my friends to go home and get well. My home (with my parents who im very close with) is 4 hours from the city where I lived and is very quiet and due to my parents being strict and rather antisocial, we mingle with NOBODY. We moved around 15 times in the past 10 years and I try not to let it be an excuse for me not keeping in touch with people but its had its effects.
    Its been 3 months Ive been home and I feel Ive recovered lots with my syndrome due to diet change and stress decrease and Im ready to go back out there with my band as our EP is released soon but my parents, out of sheer worry and diligence over money, continuously tell me I have no chance of moving back as I have no money and try to keep me here. However, my bandmate and his wife last night offered me to stay at their place in their spare room until I get on my feet. I dont want to make a rash decision but am aware Im 27 this year and want to continue with my career. Last month I had some feedback from BBCs DJ Huw Stephens who'd told me "if you work harder on your production, Id play your song" . This has been the little push for me not to abandon my music cos Ive had a rough year and put only 50% of my effort in... Im slightly lonely here aside from a couple of friends and though happy right now, have absolutely no vibrance as I did all year. Am I being a little unrealistic and ungrateful or do I take the leap?

  2. #2
    Gold Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2017
    Happy New Year! :-)

    An quote I read somewhere: "A ship in harbor is safe but that is not what ships are built for."

    We don't grow when we are safe, we grow when we are challenged. Going back to music, however, seems to be a very risky challenge. Is there any way to mitigate that risk so you can keep pursuing that which drives you: music? For example, work where you are for a few months to save as much money as possible before temporarily moving in with your bandmate and his wife.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Cloud Nine
    Don't move in with or rely on them. It won't end well. Instead get your symptoms under better control so you have some long term relief and a chance at improving your life. Why not teach/tutor or find other day jobs and side hustles to supplement your music profession?

    Moving in with and depending on others, especially a couple and especially someone you work with is a horrible idea.
    Originally Posted by Jalapeno1234
    my bandmate and his wife last night offered me to stay at their place in their spare room until I get on my feet.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2016
    Originally Posted by greendots
    "A ship in harbor is safe but that is not what ships are built for."
    That's a good one!

    Take the chance, Jalapeno. It may not come again. Whether you're successful or not, you will be fine.

    And frankly, you have to learn to be fine anyway, whether you win or lose. That's life.

    You're 27, and this is a good time to learn how to rely on yourself. Your parents won't always be here to protect you.

  5. #5
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Stay with your bandmate and his wife, but set a hard deadline. Tell them you will stay for a month and if you can't afford your own place by then you'll move back home. Then secure full time employment and do your music on the side.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jan 2020
    Take the leap, but plan it carefully.

    Make sure you think about your health and wellbeing if you go back - sounds like you had some issues there. And yes, move in with your friends but have a plan B if things get difficult. For one thing, music is a pretty irregular job so see if you can get a second income stream, maybe teaching? I doubt gigging one a week will pay for a good lifestyle. You can phase that out if you start to need more time.

    Good luck!


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