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Thread: Girl has depression and dumped me?

  1. #1
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    Girl has depression and dumped me?

    I was dating this girl for a few months. Over the last month a couple really bad things happened which seemed to trigger her depression. After which she would barely meet up with me but would still continue to text me. She says she has really bad depression issues. About a week ago I noticed that sheíd blocked me off Snapchat as well as Instagram but had kept me on facebook. I thought maybe it was because she was hiding something so started to pull back on the texting. This apparently upset her and she asked me if I was with someone else. I explained to her that I wasnít. And asked her how come she never wants to see me anymore. She responded that she didnít want anyone to see her like this. Then she said that she was sorry but we should end things because it isnít fair for me to have to put up with her problems and she feels like sheís dragging me down And just wants to be friends. I responded and let her know that maybe sheís right and that I care about her a lot but perhaps we should go our separate ways and Iíll miss her.

    The next day I started ruminating over things. And started playing Facebook detective. Then started thinking that maybe sheíd been seeing someone else and dumped me to be with him (Thereís obviously been a few red flags). So I unfriended her on Facebook because I didnít want to continue creeping her Facebook page. She messaged me angry because I unfriended her. I explained that I was ruminating and didnít want to feel upset and needed my space for now. Then she asked if I canít be her friend. I told her that itís not the relationship I want with her. She responded and told me that sheís sorry for hurting me and that she cares about me. I told her that I didnít want to talk about my feelings or be just friends and she can get in touch if she wants to start going on dates again.

    Now Iím feeling kinda bad because on the one hand, I donít want to just abandon her when sheís feeling depressed. On the other I donít want to get hurt finding out that shes been lying to me and has been with another guy for the past month while stringing me along and now is in a relationship with him.

    Is there anything to be done in this situation or should it just be left alone and I should walk away?

  2. #2
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    Walk away.

    She pulled back from dating, and said she doesn't want that, but then tried to friendzone you. You did the right thing to reject that - two reasons:

    1. If you do go there, thee is no way back to romance.

    2. You are not her nursemaid, or therapist, and you can't fix her, so don't try.

    You should go forward on the basis she is gone and will not be part of your life. that way, if she ever does take another look, you can re-assess whether you want to date her then.

    It is amusing to see that when you withdrew your attention, you immediately got hers, but the compartmentalizing of SM is a real red flag.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    Walk away. She obviously hasn't got a handle on her depression, and quite frankly it's not your problem to deal with. You did the right thing by showing her you will not tolerate this treatment or her trying to manipulate your feelings. Get out while the gettin is good.

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    Yeah. The compartmentalizing of social media kinda put me on a bad one. I donít see any reason for it other than wanting hide things from me. I never even called her out on it but just went immediately to withdraw attention. And if moving forward as her not being part of my life, Iím already day 2 of NC. Itís also interesting how quickly she noticed I removed her off fb. Within two hours. And I hardly ever even use it.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    Now Iím feeling kinda bad because on the one hand, I donít want to just abandon her when sheís feeling depressed If she suffers from depression, she will likely battle it for a lifetime. Since she hasn't told you she's going to a psychiatrist and getting on meds and asks you to be patient, why would you consider sticking around for someone you've known 60 days, and who has regressed instead of progressed with you?

    She's done you a favor. Take it.

  7. #6
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    Originally Posted by Andrina
    [B] why would you consider sticking around for someone you've known 60 days, and who has regressed instead of progressed with you?

    She's done you a favor. Take it.
    Because we had a lot of fun together and she is going through a lot right now. We were together longer than 60 days. But she did admit herself that it isnít getting any better after a month. I get depression and anxiety and I wouldnít want someone ditching me over it. That being said, I would still make time to see the person Iím dating and not dump them if I wanted to be with them. And I generally avoid throwing up red flags. Her issues do seem significantly worse than mine (assuming sheís honest). But Iíd say thatís more likely a reflection on how we deal with it. but I dunno, she ended things, so I guess it isnít my problem anymore.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this. Don't be manipulated. She needs doctors and therapists, not bfs or friendzoning guys. You did the right thing disconnecting from her. Tell her you hope she gets the help and support she needs and wish her well.
    Originally Posted by Rawksteddy
    I was dating this girl for a few months. She says she has really bad depression issues. Is there anything to be done in this situation or should it just be left alone and I should walk away?

  9. #8
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Sorry to hear this. Don't be manipulated. She needs doctors and therapists, not bfs or friendzoning guys. You did the right thing disconnecting from her. Tell her you hope she gets the help and support she needs and wish her well.
    Can you explain the statement you made about not being manipulated please? I just want to understand a bit better.

  10. #9
    Hm. I strongly dislike this. Iíll try to be as nice and honest as I can.

    I suffer and have battle/battled with severe depression. The things that she didnít arenít far fetched. I have been in situations where due to me suffering, I wouldnít want anyone else to see me suffer, so I have also ended up blocking people because depression can be deemed as embarrassing sometimes, especially to people that arenít going through it.

    She gave you a valid reason as to why she broke up with you and wants space, and yet, you took it into your own arms to assume that she has someone else on the line. And yes, of course she may notice that you unfriended her. If you guys were on good or okay terms, then itís normal that she may genuinely be curious and wonder why or what happened for you to do that. Just because sheís suffering doesnít mean she still canít be curious about things, and when she does get better, she may have still wanted a friendship.

    I also highly disagree with these other replies. Depression is a mental illness, not a burden. It doesnít mean that people with depression doesnít deserve friendships/relationships, and therapy and meds can only do so much. Some people donít have access or the resources for it, but either way, I personally know people who are in relationships with mental health issues, and are also capable of having a healthy relationship. Emotional support doesnít equal therapy. It doesnít mean she would have used you for her issues, or turn your relationship into an emotional exchange bank. I have depression and I donít have a therapist, but I also know not to treat my friends like ones either. They still support me and help me as best as they can through my episodes, and have saved my life. Listening, caring, and wanting someone to be okay isnít therapy. I promise you anyone can do that. Even if you guys stayed together, it doesnít mean you would have been her Ďtherapistí, and frankly thatís a bit ignorant to assume. If you get married and a partner goes through a rough patch of depression, it doesnít mean you should just get up and go. I donít know how long her depression will last for, but even you said yourself that bad things happened to trigger it. So why would you think thereís a back story of her cheating or stringing you along going on?

    If she wants space; thatís fine. But she wasnít being manipulative or mean. Sheís a human that suffers with depression and believes that space is needed to work on it. That is all. All relationships will have rough patches, it doesnít mean to suddenly assume the person will never get better. Iím not saying to wait for her, she is allowed to move on and find others, and so are you. I just wish people were more empathetic towards mental illnesses and didnít have a black and white view on it. It works differently for everyone, and everyone also reacts differently as well. You didnít abandon her, but you unfriending her due to overthinking and overanalyzing a simple situation about mental health wasnít the best either.

  11. #10
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    Iím sorry youíve had to struggle with severe depression. That must be really hard. She does have sever depression, thereís no question about it. But for me. I donít really understand how I fit into this picture as being a friend when that isnít what I want at all. Maybe she did just feel that it was unfair to me to be held up waiting for someone who has trouble getting out of bed or leaving the house. Thereís a lot of things left unexplained in this situation.

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