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Thread: Ex girlfriend struggling with mental health, don't know what to do

  1. #1
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    Ex girlfriend struggling with mental health, don't know what to do

    So long story short My ex (22) and I (23) broke up around 5 months or so ago after a 2 year relationship. I'm doing much better now and have begun to start dating again and feeling really good about myself. However I will always have love for my ex as at one point I thought we were going to get married. Our breakup was not angry or anything just weren't synced up as much anymore. 3 months after our breakup she reached out and we tried to rekindle things and I eventually poured water on it cooling things off to a point where we are just friends for right now.

    She has always dealt with mental health problems, anxiety and depression mainly and I would be lying if it didn't cause stress in our relationship. She stated a few times during our relationship that she felt suicidal and was really at the end of her rope, she also spent a few days in a mental hospital during one of her darker times. I was always there to help her though. Over the past two months she has been in huge fights with her family as well as angrily quit her job ( for which I understand given the circumstances).

    Today she had gotten in to another big fight with her family causing her dad to kick her out, apparently this isn't the first time this has happened but it is so strange to hear because every time I was around and with them they were a loving family they always seemed to really love her. I received a crying call of her telling me the news and how she feels as though there is nothing to live for as she doesn't have a job, feels like her family hates her and now doesn't have anywhere to live. She went to a friends house after talking to me but I am so worried and anxious for her. I want to help her, I even said she could crash with me if she needs to which she declined. It feels like there is something new always pushing her over the edge every few months or so and I don't know how to help or handle it. I want to be there for her but at the same time we aren't dating anymore and I feel like I am dealing with the anxiety of not knowing what she might do to herself all over again. I have so much love for her and want nothing but happiness for her but I just don't know what to do. I'm just sitting here almost shaking worrying about her. what should I do?
    Last edited by theostix; 12-30-2019 at 08:50 PM.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    What does she fight with her family about? And did she have another job lined up when she "angrily" quit or is she homeless and unemployed?

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    To be honest i'm not really sure what this was about apparently something involving her sister. And she didn't have another job lined up just got tired of her job mistreating her. I mean I feel as though someone with a college degree and working on her masters should be able to find something soon but who knows.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    Most adults have to deal with things like jobs they don't like. And if she can't get along with her family why can't she move out?

    Of course, quitting her job wasn't the best idea if she had nothing else lined up.

    If you continue to bail her out she will never learn how to take care of herself.

    Are you willing to let her live with you rent and expense free indefinitely? What if she lazes around all day not looking for work? Will you support her financially?

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  6. #5
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    I can understand that you are worried about her.

    However, you should not continue to assume the role of her caretaker. She will never truly mature or deal with problems in a constructive way if youíre there to pick up the pieces every time she is upset. You will also be unable to move on to a happier relationship with anyone else if you have this ex lingering in the background.

    Donít feel obligated to pick up whenever she calls. Redirect her to her friends if she persists, and donít feel guilty for taking space away from her.

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    The thing is buddy , how are you going to move on and eventually date and meet someone when you are still trying to help your ex .... when we have been dumped , then every bit of us has been dumped ...our love is not wanted so why should our care and dedication still be there . I don't mean that in a cruel way against her . What if you are stuck because you are dealing with her day in day out and she gets with someone ....

    This is your life to live now , your responsibility stopped when the relationship stopped .

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    She needs appropriate psychiatrists, doctors and therapists. Never take someone's life into your own hands. Never play therapist doctor or social worker. Leave her alone. She needs help you can not provide. If she contacts you, send the police or EMTs to her house. Is her father abusive? Does she abuse drugs?
    Originally Posted by theostix
    She has always dealt with mental health problems, anxiety and depression mainly and I would be lying if it didn't cause stress in our relationship.

    She stated a few times during our relationship that she felt suicidal and was really at the end of her rope, she also spent a few days in a mental hospital during one of her darker times.

  9. #8
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    If her family loves her, there is something called tough love when you have had the last straw. She likely crossed a big line or was not thrown out (if you want to live here, you need to follow the house rules and she voluntarily left), but wants to play on your sympathy. she is 22. She is an adult. she needs to find her own way. Give her the number to a hotline for mental health and walk away. Do nothing else. Like what Wiseman said, call for help or call her folks ONE TIME but do not get more involved


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