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Thread: Ex broke up with me over holidays, i have a broken leg...

  1. #1

    Ex broke up with me over holidays, i have a broken leg...

    Hey everyone

    I think I'm writing this to get a bunch of stuff that i want to say off my chest. I guess im thinking of this as a diary or something. Just gonna smoke a bowl and let my fingers fly. if you can relate, or have any advice, or have anything you want to say, pleeeease say so

    I just got out of a breakup after a couple months spent with a new girl that I was seeing. She is almost 19 and I will be 24 tomorrow. This is a huge age difference, I know, and it was something I was really considering when we started wanting to see each other. I'd known that she was young, so I sorta just treated it casually for a while, trying not to make a whole lot of time for her. but she would ask to come over most if not all nights of the week. i noticed that we were starting to give each other a lot of our time, and wed go on dates and stuff on top of sleeping together every single night.

    ive been hurt before, and though i wanted to see her every single night, i was scared of committing so much time so fast. however, i also understood that she was young, and probably was used to moving fast, and to be honest i was sort of wanting to do the same deep down. we really had a connection that i never really felt in anyone before. we just clicked really, really well.

    but i was insecure about moving into a relationship so fast, because ive had my heart broken twice last year. im completely over my exes, its just that i didnt want to get my heart broken so easily. so i put myself on guard, and just didnt show as much affection as i should have. she would have these ideas for some kinds of dates we could go on and i just never really committed to them or made time for them...because i would just think that we had all the time in the world to do them. when in reality, it was me being negligent of her feelings. and i really regret that, and its something that i could have done better had i just buckled down and committed myself.

    and then life hit me with another curveball; about a month in, i broke my leg skating. i was in a lot of pain for about a week and a half, couldnt walk or really do anything (which led to my small nyc apartment getting kind of trashed). but she still came over and took care of me. she helped me shower, made me food, bought my favorite ice cream...she didnt have to do any of that, but she did. But i was in so much pain that sometimes i would let some anger slip out a little bit. ive sort of struggled with anger issues in the past...but i was really in a good place, mentally and emotionally, before hurting my leg. but because i couldnt live my active lifestyle (skating, exercising, working a physical job, etc) i felt trapped, annoyed, and frustrated. so i let my anger slip out again. and she saw some of this. i so regret this, and i am now going to therapy for my anger issues.

    a week and a half later, i went back home for the holidays. we were texting each other and everything seemed great. we facetimed, she showed me her house, we shared baby pictures...we even moved to calling each other "babe" and stuff. but all of a sudden, the day after christmas, she texts me saying her mom doesnt like me. i was already kind of insecure about some things; my family's christmas was terrible and i couldnt really move anywhere with my leg. so i responded to her mom's criticism very negatively, in a way that was really defensive. she said that her mom wanted her to break up with me. this hurt me really deeply. so i told her that i felt like her mom was being manipulative. and i really shouldnt have said that, because i was denying the validity of her mom's feelings. i felt really bad about it afterward. she then told me that she thinks that we both need to work on ourselves, and that she doesnt see us in arelationship right now. so that was breaking up, and we are no longer talking

    heres the really hard part. I only want the best for her, and I have a life of my own too. but because of my broken leg, my life is basically on pause. i cant go live my life and distract myself because i cant get up. and tv and video games can only do so much before i fall into the motions and start thinking about her again. the broken leg is making coping EXTREMELY difficult, and its making me act in ways that are incredibly self destructive and non-constructive to working through a breakup. honestly, weed is my only savior right now, but i dont want to use it as a crutch too hard. there are constructive things i can do with a broken leg, such as draw or work on videos, but that takes a lot of energy and i can only do so much.

    that was a lot of gory detail, but i feel a little better after typing it all out. helped me really look at it from an objective pov. i doubt anyone will read the whole thing or even cares to, but if you can relate on any level it would just make me feel a lot better.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    He mother gave her good advice. Stay away from her and stop abusing drugs and taking advantage of young women. Anger management is great but the chip on your shoulder sounds a lot worse than whatever physical issues the leg injury caused. Do you work? Can you get medical and psychological care through your work?
    Originally Posted by soopadook
    Just gonna smoke a bowl and let my fingers fly.

    i let my anger slip out again. and she saw some of this. i so regret this, and i am now going to therapy for my anger issues.


    she said that her mom wanted her to break up with me.

  3. #3
    He mother gave her good advice. Stay away from her and stop abusing drugs and taking advantage of young women. Anger management is great but the chip on your shoulder sounds a lot worse than whatever physical issues the leg injury caused. Do you work? Can you get medical and psychological care through your work?

    I do work, but I cant since the broken leg. What do you mean by chip on my shoulder? Not familiar with that term

    Yeah, i regret a lot of what i did. I should stay away.

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    Platinum Member Clio's Avatar
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    All the things you described are normal parts of life and constitute no excuse for smoking weed. You need to stop using weed period. Weed is a relationship deal-breaker for quality women.

    It also sounds like you were not ready to start dating in the first place. It's very good that you seem to know exactly what you did wrong. Now you know what you need to work on so this relationship sounds like it served as a very useful lesson.

    1)You need to stop using weed. 2)You need to work on anger management. Hang in there. This ugly period shall pass, your leg will heal and if you do the work that you have identified that you need to do, things WILL get better. Good luck with your healing.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    How many places did you post this?
    Originally Posted by soopadook
    What do you mean by chip on my shoulder? Not familiar with that term

  7. #6
    Yeah this is good advice. Thank you.

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    Originally Posted by soopadook
    she texts me saying her mom doesnt like me. [snip] she said that her mom wanted her to break up with me. [snip] she then told me that she thinks that we both need to work on ourselves, and that she doesnt see us in a relationship right now. so that was breaking up, and we are no longer talking
    Maybe her mother got in her ear, or maybe she decided you were smoking too much weed. What is certain is that she ended it. The precise reasons probably don't matter much in the grand scheme of things.

    You are young, she is younger, and this is just an ugly little blotch on the rich tapestry of life.

    Couple of lessons to learn? Anger management, and cut down on the weed.


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