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I think I'm really ugly.


LiloLana

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I'm afraid I'll never be in a genuine committed relationship due to how unattractive I am. My looks already limit my opportunities and it clearly affects how people treat me on a daily basis. I'm thinking about calling in sick tomorrow from work because I feel uglier than usual. I think I'm getting more and more ugly as time goes on and I'm growing unbelievable ugly at a rapid pace. I'm only 22 years old and I feel like I shouldn't be alive. If I had a support system, maybe this would be more bearable for me but I don't, so it's stressing me out. Today I took a video of myself with the back camera on my phone. The back camera usually shows all my flaws so I thought taking a video with the back camera would show how I look like to others. When I watched that video of myself, I was very sad. I look mad. My forehead is too low. My hair is disgusting. My back is arched. Everything is wrong. And I don't want to live like this. How do I get over how I look?

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Get to a doctor for a complete evaluation. Body dysmorphic disorder needs an appropriate evaluation by a physician and a psychiatrist for medical and problems and underlying mood or thought disorders.. After that intensive ongoing supportive therapy could help you overcome this. No one but doctors can help you with this.

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Get to a doctor for a complete evaluation. Body dysmorphic disorder needs an appropriate evaluation by a physician and a psychiatrist for medical and problems and underlying mood or thought disorders.. After that intensive ongoing supportive therapy could help you overcome this. No one but doctors can help you with this.

 

Agree.

 

I really struggled with this in my 20's. As someone that was bullied constantly and told they were ugly/skinny/weird of course I started to actually believe it after awhile.

 

It's not true of course... I know today I am a beautiful person in the eyes of others, and am coming to accept this in my own eyes as well.

 

The old cliche is true. Beauty comes from the inside. It comes from what you offer the world. If you offer the world sunshine, positivity, compassion, and kindness then people will see you as beautiful no matter what you think you look like. But you MUST learn to offer this to yourself if you want to be able to offer this to others.

 

This is a very difficult journey. You will need to walk through a lot of fear and self-doubt. And it can be a hard road at times... as that self-doubt is always waiting to creep back in. At the end of the day though we can choose to overcome all of these feelings and shine.

 

Find a doctor that will refer you to the appropriate therapist... and while you are waiting, go and find all of the self-help you can about how to overcome these thoughts and feelings. Brene Brown is probably one of the best... but there are many others as well.

 

It's taking action that will help at the end of the day.

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It's worth checking out depression or self esteem issues with a professional.

 

Truth is, I doubt you are actually ugly. You're concentrating on your flaws, and the whole thing with using the rear of your camera sounds like deliberately trying to make yourself feel worse. That's not helpful.

 

Seriously - check out pictures of actresses or supermodels without makeup.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I recently saw a video on Facebook that made a huge impact on me. It was a short clip, portraying a young woman in session with a therapist. She was very uncomfortable in her own skin. He asked her where her feelings of inadequacy came from. She answered that those feelings had been with her for a long time, since she was ten years old. He asked her to imagine that ten-year-old sitting with them right now. He asked her to call that ten-year-old ugly, fat, and worthless. The image of her as a child appeared. She couldn't. I couldn't either. I couldn't go back to my ten year old self and tell that child she's ugly and worthless. So, rightfully, I shouldn't be able to tell the image in my mirror the same thing. Neither should you. Imagine your young self and tell that kid everything is going to be okay.

 

I don't know where the clip is from but it has literally changed my life.

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I just want to say sorry that you feel this way. I generally have not had this problem, but a problem like this can apply to many faucets of life.

 

Judging only by your username, I'm kinda assuming you're a girl. I have a bunch of disorganized advice. Its also brutally honest about this world and society, but that said, meant to be encouraging and positive. THIS WILL LIKELY NOT BE EASY TO GET OUT OF YOUR CURRENT MINDSET, but with time and effort, you'll get there as long as you make progress, no matter how little, everyday. In no particular order:

 

1. Stop, or at least SIGNIFICANTLY cut down your use of social media. Its well documented that social media gives an unrealistic view of expectations for your life. Nobody posts about their failures in life, only their glamorous vacations and other successes. Your brain will keep seeing these and think you need to be seemingly constantly on glamorous vacations, buying houses, getting married, having kids, going to expensive restaurants, and owning luxurious and/or fast cars just to name a few. The reality is, not everyone is like this, and is not representative of how your life should be going, not to mention everyone puts their best foot forward. I only talk about when my stocks gain big, not when they tank.

 

2. Fake it till you make it. I happen to be an excellent public speaker. People have gone out of their way to tell me this time after time, and I actually enjoy it, and never get nervous. I also happen to know public speaking is often ranked #1 biggest fear for many people. But it wasn't always like this...I was just as nervous and scared as anyone...but you know what I did? I starting acting and telling people I never get nervous when giving public talks in front of people. I also learned many things in a college speech 101 class I took, and among other things, the biggest thing that stuck is that 'people can't tell you're nervous unless you admit it'. After just a few more times I publicly spoke, what I told people about how I don't get nervous giving talks and that I actually enjoyed it, became true. Public speaking is not hard. It may be hard to do well, but its not hard to...just do. What makes it seem so hard is the thought that you don't want to do it.

 

So tell yourself you are attractive. I can tell you from experience, that everyone, and i mean EVERYONE has qualities that are attractive to SOMEONE. Being confident and comfortable in your own skin can help that, so fake it till you make it. Assume people should be interested in being your friend or wanting to date you, because...THEY SHOULD. There are industries whom DEPEND on you feeling ugly to sell their products to, and pour millions and even billions of dollars into making you feel ugly so that you'll buy their clothing, makeup, or get plastic surgery.

 

3. We are born looking how we look is only partially true. We may have a certain body structure, or facial structure, or hair growth pattern. Some things about how we look are out of our control, but many things are IN our control. For example, I happen to be a guy and probably fairly picky about how a girl I want to date looks (feel free to judge me, but lets stay on topic). Even then, I often see or even meet women that may not be tall and have long legs and be model like, but dress nice, clean up, maybe a little make up, accessories, whatever is your preference. And, they work out and are fit, eat well and take care of themselves. Even if they don't have the best features genetically, they still come across to me as very attractive. They may also be very confident, and/or generally just laugh and smile a lot, and that is attractive. Also, just because your features are not attractive to me, doesn't mean they won't be attractive to someone else, probably many people.

 

Generally, people don't want to be around people that are depressed and sad all the time. Make it a point to change your life. Start a diet to eat healthier if you don't already, go to the gym, or if you can't afford it, go running or do exercises at home or in public parks. Take free or cheap classes in subjects you are interested/passionate about, and just become high on life, and when you are at social gatherings, talk about your passions. Smile, be fun, but also remember to be yourself. People WILL gravitate towards you...and don't just wait for others to gravitate to you, introduce yourself to people you are interested in meeting as well.

 

Just in general, have a positive, can-do attitude, and find a place or places that you can improve yourself (there is ALWAYS something...) and start building a better you...TODAY. Who knows, you may be much more attractive than you think, and the only thing you may need is a change of your own mindset. Many people call themselves ugly that I have found quite attractive, and as I said, I'm quite picky.

 

You have the one thing that many people including myself would LOVE to have...youth...time...and while I'm very happy with who I am and where I am in life (that may be true or I may be faking it...but could you tell?), I would love to have more youth and more time (22 happens to be a little younger than I am now).

 

4. Cut out as many negative influences you have in life. This is not always possible for everyone...such as if your parents call you ugly, but if you have friends that always talk down to you or joke about how ugly you are, ask them to stop. If they do not, stop hangout out with them. People tend to absorb the energy of people they always have around them...and luckily I learned early in life to distance myself from people that make me feel bad in any way. If you always put yourself around winners, you will strive to become and/or stay a winner yourself...just by being around them all of the time. Like I said, if social media makes you feel like you don't have what you should have in life, just cut out that source of bad feelings.

 

There will be times you cannot cut out these things, in which case you simply have to learn to face them head on and fight and bend them to how you want them to effect your life.

 

Also, there will be MANY times in life you'll have to learn to face your fears. Often, fears are just an illusion, and the most successful people in our society are the ones that face their fears the most, and fail the most. Don't be afraid of things you clearly should not be afraid of (such as public speaking!). Obviously, you should not face your fear of heights by jumping off a bridge...don't be silly about it.

 

People can get better at anything by practicing it. If you are bad at making friends, being in social situations, asking people out on dates, or whatever it may be, simply do it over and over, and fail over and over. Eventually, you'll fail less and succeed more at said thing. This is an absolute rule in life. Nobody is born good at everything, or have a perfect plan for their life, or always feel great about themselves, bet we strive to be better, and chase happiness. You should chase it too. Learn, face your fears, fail, and grow. Become someone that you are satisfied with how you live your life, not necessarily what you accomplish, and change your mindset to a positive one.

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