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Thread: This may sound crazy but...I need advice please!!!

  1. #1

    This may sound crazy but...I need advice please!!!

    Hello, im new here and I really need advice from some outsiders that are completely non bias to me, my partner and our situation, this is long, and sounds crazy but please let me know your honest opinions.TIA. My partner and I have been seeing each other since July of 2016, at the time we were working the same place, saw each other every day but we only hung out here and there outside of work, we got a little closer later on in 2016 and in the beginning of 2017 until about may when we just completely stopped talking to each other until around October. I was aware that he had been dealing with another woman since pretty much the time I started talking to him, however they were not in a relationship, even she had admitted that to me, although she claimed to have been in love with him. I assume during the time we stopped talking he was dealing with her much closer than before and I respected it, I wasnt in love with him at that point anyway. Anyways we started talking again in October of 2017 and from that point on we just got closer and closer, by the time January of 2018 he was pretty much at my house, day and night for weeks on end, he'd go home to his own place for a couple nights then come back and be with me for another long stretch of time. We were never technically in a relationship as a couple and we both knew this, however, we acted as though we were a couple, you wouldnt have been able to tell any different. Hes a great guy, he is wonderful to my kids he treats them as his own, he takes on responsibilities that do not belong to him when it comes to them, and anything else in my life, helps out financially without being asked, he really is a good guy, not perfect by any means but a good person. So in July of 2018 I noticed this same female from before putting hearts on his Facebook and I questioned him about it just wanting to know if he was still dealing with her, of course he denied so I reached out to her, long story short he had still been seeing her on occasion but I guess from what she had said he had pretty much almost stopped dealing with her altogether but was still feeding her crumbs every now and then just to keep her around, after I confronted him about it he stopped talking to her altogether(according to her) and was solely dealing with me and we continued our usual,him being with me everyday and night and this continued all the way until I would say August of this year. Of course during that time we became extremely close, we had a bond and a connection, I fell in love with him, he said he loved me as well, he was my best friend. We did everything together. O and this female he was dealing with had gotten pregnant in August of 2018 and was claiming it was his baby up until this September when they took a DNA test and it was determined not to be his. Also in September of this year we had woken up one morning I had noticed that I had 17 missed calls on my FB messenger from this female, I told him, I called her back myself on my way to work she told me he had recently started contacting her again, wanting to hang out etc. Blah blah blah so fast forward to that same day when I came home from work he had decided that he wanted me, the other girl and him to all be in a relationship together and basically if either of us didnt want to then we could just take a hike. I was completely and utterly devastated. Eventually after a lot of tears and talk I reluctantly agreed because I do love this man. Now it's been a struggle, jealousy of course. She feels jealous because she says I'm the woman he had chosen over her and I completely understand that and I could see why she could be hurt. However on my end, and I try to get the both of them to see my point, is that I was the one who was getting all his time, attention, efforts, we used to just talk and talk for hours about everything, our future, I woke up with this man day in and day out, the sex was absolutely amazing simply because of the passion and love that we had.now everything is changed, I've got to share him so now I never get any alone time with him, we barely talk and when we do its arguing because im so hurt deep inside that I feel like he just ripped away everything I had with him to bring this female into our situation which makes me feel like he must be in love with her since he was willing to lose my for this. We dont vibe the way we used to, we constantly bicker and fight, he talks to me in ways he never did before and idk if it's because I'm always so angry and sad because I've lost what I myself had with him, now we all spend time together, sleep together, I feel as tho he is closer to her, they talk and laugh, and she doesn't seem hurt at all about anything which why would she now? Shes got him back and he basically decided to bring her into this and was willing to let me go for it...but they both always tell me I have no reason to be sad, im the one he gave his everything to for the last 2 years so now I'm just being spoiled and selfish because I just want him to myself, which ultimately of course I would like that, but truthfully I dont even mind being in this type of relationship its just that I dont feel like me and him are connected the way we were and that's what hurts the most, I feel like if him and me could put that back together then I could do this with no problem, but he says he doesnt feel like.anything has changed between him and I. Idk what to do I really don't, I dont want to let go but I can't watch the man I love be in love with another woman. Any advice? Please, it doesnt matter what it is I just really need someone else's opinion on this situation, thank you.

  2. #2
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    Please break this into paragraphs if you want responses. Consider the readers.

  3. #3
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    I hope this is not a troll post....One question...What are you doing??!! Has your self-esteem drowned at the bottom of the ocean? I think it's pretty clear that this man doesn't care that much about either of you because he has been lying to you both for so long. Had he at any point said that he was polyamorous? If not then I think he's just a selfish guy who was greedy and wanted to have both of you. You had been seeing him for three years and the relationship was never defined. Um, Hello?! Clearly if after three years he didn't want to commit, then he was not that serious about you! If you don't like or want this situation, then why are you in it?

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Is he still married to or just still in a relationship with this woman. Why is he camping out in your house if you are not in a relationship? "This female" sounds like the woman he's in a relationship with and having sex with while he's camping out at your place for whatever reason.

    Throw him out and stop exposing your children to this. Get their father and other family more involved with them. Start dating decent men. Get to a doctor for STD testing and start using protection if you choose to have sex with men like this.
    Originally Posted by L0stinL0v3
    January of 2018 he was pretty much at my house, day and night for weeks on end. We were never technically in a relationship as a couple.he is wonderful to my kids he treats them as his own

    July of 2018 I noticed this same female from before putting hearts on his Facebook. I reached out to her, long story short he had still been seeing her this female he was dealing with had gotten pregnant in August of 2018 and was claiming it was his baby

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  6. #5
    Member simple cure's Avatar
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    It sounds like this relationship is doing more harm than good. I don't see how it can turn out any differently. He showed his cards. He wants everything his way.
    And everyone is going along with it, to their detriment. She has a child too? Your household must be a bit chaotic, how are your kids adjusting to all of this? Even if you can't make up your mind for yourself, try to include them in the equation.
    If you think you will be ok with stuffing your needs and wants away, and never having a say to either person, I guess you all can make it. But, since you've come to this place to ask for help, honestly, you know- and you know that you know.
    It's true that there are places where this is more normal, but it's places where - from what I understand, women don't get a say. And the man has enough money and resources for everyone to spread out so it's not so much in everybody's face. Pardon me for my antiquated ideas, but that's what I know about it.
    If the tables were turned, and there was another man in the picture it would probably be the same issues the other way. It sounds like no one has looked at the future and tried to think long term. Only what they want at the moment? Sorry though that it's all turned out so crazy right now.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    he had decided that he wanted me, the other girl and him to all be in a relationship together and basically if either of us didnt want to then we could just take a hike.

    From where I sit, the three of you have been in this triangle relationship the entire time.
    What are you expecting to change? Do you honestly think he'll let her go and you will win?
    Win what? The selfish, cheating, liar?

    Believe you deserve a loving dedicated man of your own and in the meantime please stop exposing your children to this.


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