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Thread: Life is lonely

  1. #1
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    Life is lonely

    I guess I'm just venting but lately I've been taken comfort in the thought that when things are really bad I always have suicide as an option and it makes me feel better. I think I'm just so intensely lonely and every guy I'm interested in never likes me back. I'm 33 and have nothing to show for my life, the only person who believes in me is my mum and aunty. My mum always has said life will be harder for me because im different, but its so hard i feel like im fighting a losing battle.

  2. #2
    Silver Member Skeptic76's Avatar
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    If you’re taking comfort that’s good, even if the way you are comforting yourself may sound strange to some.

    Sorry you feel like there is some circumstance missing that will justify your life. When I feel like I’m supposed to be “further along” or have more than I do it’s usually a case of judging my insides by other people’s outsides...which never fails to make me feel like ish.

    My mom passed away in 2013 but she was my best friend. Upon hearing that she died, my most trusted mentor told me “Now you will have to mother yourself.” I was FURIOUS, it felt like such an inconsiderate thing to say in that moment. But today I see that he meant I would need to now be the one to fulfill the believing in myself function NO MATTER WHAT. I learned to cultivate the same unconditional love for myself that I had always depended on my mother for...and it’s been an amazing blessing.

    Best wishes for a clean slate in 2020 and a peaceful, prosperous and joyful New Year!

  3. #3
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    Originally Posted by Skeptic76
    If you’re taking comfort that’s good, even if the way you are comforting yourself may sound strange to some.

    Sorry you feel like there is some circumstance missing that will justify your life. When I feel like I’m supposed to be “further along” or have more than I do it’s usually a case of judging my insides by other people’s outsides...which never fails to make me feel like ish.

    My mom passed away in 2013 but she was my best friend. Upon hearing that she died, my most trusted mentor told me “Now you will have to mother yourself.” I was FURIOUS, it felt like such an inconsiderate thing to say in that moment. But today I see that he meant I would need to now be the one to fulfill the believing in myself function NO MATTER WHAT. I learned to cultivate the same unconditional love for myself that I had always depended on my mother for...and it’s been an amazing blessing.

    Best wishes for a clean slate in 2020 and a peaceful, prosperous and joyful New Year!
    Thank you for your reply. Im sorry that your mum passed away, i dont know how i would survive wothout my mum, shes trying so hard to make me believe in myself, and sometimes i do in other areas except for romantically, which is the thing i want most but just cant get. I hope 2020 is a clean slate. Thank you again.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    I'm sorry for your tremendous loss, Boo1986.

    Even though it's hard to see this now, it will get better for you. Granted, the pain will never go away; it's just the tears will be less.

    I remember losing my father the day after Thanksgiving. You need to let time heal your old wounds someday.

    I hope you will busy yourself by surrounding yourself with good, solid, moral people and have healthy distractions. I did all that which helped transition to a happier life.

    Wishing you health and happiness in 2020!

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    Sorry but do you mind if I ask in what way you're "different"? Maybe the guy thing you can't exactly control, but the making something of yourself part you can. Do you have any work experience and/or qualifications? What are your interests and passions? Why don't you get a job or do some volunteering?

    Regarding finding a guy, I don't actually believe that it's not possible for some people to find someone. But it's true that sometimes some people may be out of some people's league. I work with people with disabilities and one of my clients was in a wheelchair and had intellectual disability. She has been married to her husband for fifteen years who also has intellectual disability. I'm not saying you need to date people with intellectual disabilities but if you're "different", can you maybe approach guys who also might be different? Like maybe they're too short, etc.? I think everyone can find someone but you need to look for people within your own league.

    I know feeling depressed and in despair might make you think of suicide, but I really think it's not the answer. I used to feel suicidal as a teenager but my best friend killed himself and I realised how horrific it was. It caused such a trauma to all your loved ones. Imagine what it would do to your Mum!

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    Originally Posted by Tinydance
    Sorry but do you mind if I ask in what way you're "different"? Maybe the guy thing you can't exactly control, but the making something of yourself part you can. Do you have any work experience and/or qualifications? What are your interests and passions? Why don't you get a job or do some volunteering?

    Regarding finding a guy, I don't actually believe that it's not possible for some people to find someone. But it's true that sometimes some people may be out of some people's league. I work with people with disabilities and one of my clients was in a wheelchair and had intellectual disability. She has been married to her husband for fifteen years who also has intellectual disability. I'm not saying you need to date people with intellectual disabilities but if you're "different", can you maybe approach guys who also might be different? Like maybe they're too short, etc.? I think everyone can find someone but you need to look for people within your own league.

    I know feeling depressed and in despair might make you think of suicide, but I really think it's not the answer. I used to feel suicidal as a teenager but my best friend killed himself and I realised how horrific it was. It caused such a trauma to all your loved ones. Imagine what it would do to your Mum!
    Im different because I dont fit in with the normal crowd and am more introverted and just weird you could say. I do work in healthcare and have worked since I was 16, im 33 now, but cant say that works stops me from feeling lonely. I do go for guys in my league, but i also have to find something appealing about them or id rather be on my own.

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    Originally Posted by Boo1986
    Im different because I dont fit in with the normal crowd and am more introverted and just weird you could say. I do work in healthcare and have worked since I was 16, im 33 now, but cant say that works stops me from feeling lonely. I do go for guys in my league, but i also have to find something appealing about them or id rather be on my own.
    So if you don't find yourself appealing how can you expect others to? I'm sorry you're feeling so down. I'm not a professional but I do know that suicidal thoughts means it's a good idea to seek help ASAP. i hope you do.

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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    So if you don't find yourself appealing how can you expect others to? I'm sorry you're feeling so down. I'm not a professional but I do know that suicidal thoughts means it's a good idea to seek help ASAP. i hope you do.
    i guess I just hope to find someone else a bit weird that likes my weirdness. Thanks I am seeing my counsellor early next year, although whenever I express my concerns about being alone she says she can 100% guarntee i won't end up alone - no one can gaurantee anything so I dont find it that helpful.

  10. #9
    Silver Member Skeptic76's Avatar
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    So stop guaranteeing yourself that you won’t or can’t meet someone. Make a decision to be open and confident about finding someone to love.

    When self defeating thoughts arise just be aware of them. No need to do anything other than NOTICE that your brain is being a blocker. Paying attention to your own thoughts after you decide to be open to something is a powerful exercise and agent of change (in my life anyway.)

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Have you seen a doctor for a thorough workup? You need a complete evaluation neurologically and for metabolic issues as well as appropriate ongoing therapy. Catfishing online dating sites for company is not the answer. You get asked out but then jerk them around because you refuse to meet. Stop letting your mother tell you "you're different". Everyone is different. You need to become much more independent from your mother. Most of all help yourself, get to a doctor.
    Originally Posted by Boo1986
    Im different because I dont fit in with the normal crowd and am more introverted and just weird you could say.

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