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Thread: Life is lonely

  1. #11
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    Are you me?!! 33 in Jan, in the longest dry streak of striking out with guys Iím interested in and yep, same as you, yeah there have been a couple that fell for me but I felt no spark. No spark, definitely no point.

    After failing to ditch a particularly toxic lukewarm guy like the bag of awful that he is I came to think maybe my high strike out rate could be a bit on me, maybe Iím not letting go of the Luke warm boys who donít want me because deep down I am not ready to be vulnerable yet. Then I skipped my home state work work for half a year, surely after this reset Iím ready. So actively looking again. And yep, so far still striking out. But working on being outcome independent and treating those polite or impolite nos as the useful information that they are (cue to next this one). If youíre remotely close to this situation you might find the book Ďheís scared, sheís scaredí to be a good read.

    If itís no avoidance on your part and you are just indeed terrifyingly awesome, then I absolutely feel you. I once had a woman in a bar tell me Ďyou dance to the beat of her own drumí. Meant as a compliment. I was already acutely aware of that, and in a friend drought as well at that point, my internal thoughts were something like ĎI know, itís crushingly lonely thoughí

    Assess yourself, some things you might want to change (like hypothetically if you were scaring people off by being unrelentingly negative, or they could never get close to you because your introversion leaves you closed up like a clam shell). Maybe some things are worth trying to level up in. Some other things (like for myself how I style my hair and body) Iím not willing to change, I hold out hope of meeting prospective romantic partners who actually cherish these parts of me. But I suspect they will be few and far between.

    Be true to yourself, keep looking, but itís a low stakes long running task (captain awkward has some excellent posts on expanding your social network) I hope you find some of your people sooner rather than later, theyíre out there somewhere. *fistbump*

  2. #12
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    There are plenty of matches for you....the problem is, they are too afraid to put themselves out there to be found, you know what I mean? No introvert weird guy is going to seek out and approach women. So that's the losing battle right there. Everyone hates OLD but for you it just may work. You are going to have to look carefully for those introvert guys yourself, and message them. Hobbies are another way to find introverts...what do they do? Geek out on gaming, comic books, maybe art or collecting, board games, you know things that keeps them at home.

  3. #13
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    Originally Posted by Boo1986
    Im different because I dont fit in with the normal crowd and am more introverted and just weird you could say. I do work in healthcare and have worked since I was 16, im 33 now, but cant say that works stops me from feeling lonely. I do go for guys in my league, but i also have to find something appealing about them or id rather be on my own.
    So, you don't fit in with the normal crowd, are more introverted and weird. How so? What do you think makes you weird? The answers might help us understand you better.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member Carus's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Boo1986
    Im different because I dont fit in with the normal crowd....
    Define 'normal'...What is 'normal'..? What we see on TV or in magazines...? Hmm, dunno....

    If you knew me you would definitely not say I was 'normal'....Yet here I am :)

    I'm unique, like everybody else....*

    I attempted suicide numerous times throughout 2018....It's not as easy as you think and it's certainly not quick and painless like Hollywood would have you believe...Only 1 in 20 attempts actually succeeds so you could end up worse than you are now...Like my father. He will be in a wheelchair for the rest of his life now.

    Hang in there Boo....The world will need people like you*

    Carus*

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  6. #15
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    Originally Posted by greendots
    So, you don't fit in with the normal crowd, are more introverted and weird. How so? What do you think makes you weird? The answers might help us understand you better.
    I dont know exactly what i do that makes me different. I guess im very shy but force myself to make friends and talk to people, i say stupid things alot that sometimes people are ok with but makes other people awkward, i also blush alot.

  7. #16
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    Originally Posted by Carus
    Define 'normal'...What is 'normal'..? What we see on TV or in magazines...? Hmm, dunno....

    If you knew me you would definitely not say I was 'normal'....Yet here I am :)

    I'm unique, like everybody else....*

    I attempted suicide numerous times throughout 2018....It's not as easy as you think and it's certainly not quick and painless like Hollywood would have you believe...Only 1 in 20 attempts actually succeeds so you could end up worse than you are now...Like my father. He will be in a wheelchair for the rest of his life now.

    Hang in there Boo....The world will need people like you*

    Carus*
    Im sorry to hear about your past attempts and also your father, i never considered the alternative, thanks also for the positive words, i guess i juat have to try find where i belong and things will get better

  8. #17
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    Originally Posted by Boo1986
    I dont know exactly what i do that makes me different. I guess im very shy but force myself to make friends and talk to people, i say stupid things alot that sometimes people are ok with but makes other people awkward, i also blush alot.
    Why do you choose to say stupid things? My son is going through some angst about that -he is 10. We talk about thinking before you speak, etc. He means well, can be shy, also wants to be part of the group, so he says things that honestly to me don't sound awful at all -just typical kid stuff, not mean in the least -but he worries about offending someone. So he comes up with strategies to do better next time. Can you do the same?

    What precisely are you going to do to find where you belong -what specific actions do you plan to take?

  9. #18
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    Originally Posted by Boo1986
    I dont know exactly what i do that makes me different. I guess im very shy but force myself to make friends and talk to people, i say stupid things alot that sometimes people are ok with but makes other people awkward, i also blush alot.
    I see. What do you consider "stupid things"? Any examples you could give? I'm asking because what you consider "normal" or "stupid" someone else might not and vice versa.

    Is that why you see yourself as weird?

  10. #19
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    I dont know exactly what i do that makes me different. I guess im very shy but force myself to make friends and talk to people, i say stupid things alot that sometimes people are ok with but makes other people awkward, i also blush alot
    It's a matter of self confidence..that's all.

    None of us are born into this world knowing how to be confident and many of us have had experiences that created lower self esteem and lower self confidence.
    The silver lining is, you can heal, you can relearn self confidence and you can become a stronger person...if you choose to be.

    I have been you. I know what it feels like. I know how bad it can feel. You don't need to stay this way for the rest of your life.
    We as humans are always evolving, changing and growing.
    You can become more confident and less shy.
    These are skills that can be taught and practiced until you become better at them.

    If you're too shy to go see a therapist (at least for now) get a book that is about self confidence and read about how to become more self confident.
    Do your best in practicing on how to be more confident. Put yourself out there more (but be smart about it and cautious about it).
    Don't add alcohol into it!
    Alcohol is not confidence, it is dangerous and destructive.
    Learn the difference between being confident and being reckless and careless. They are two vastly different things.
    Consider volunteering at a hospital or a soup kitchen, etc. Help those out there that are struggling too. The one thing that gives a person purpose, is to help.
    To make a difference. It will help you gain more confidence too.

    YOU MATTER, BOO.
    Be more gentle with yourself. Learn how to self love, be your own best friend. It might sound lame, but it's absolutely true.
    Take care of yourself better, self talk better and stop hating so much.
    You are here in this world for a reason. It may not always be obvious right away, but you are here because you are meant to be.

    Small changes like this can make huge changes. But you must take the first few steps towards being more healthy and giving yourself a chance.
    And I really hope that you do, because you're worth it.

  11. #20
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    I just wanted to add, there are people out there who don't fit the stereotype of "normal" and are incredibly awesome individuals who have such a great heart. "Normal" doesn't mean much.

    Honestly, as others have stated you're worth it and you're courageous, too! I'm not just blowing smoke here. Asking for help and being vulnerable in an online forum takes courage.

    :-)

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