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Thread: Giving Everything a Shot

  1. #1
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    Giving Everything a Shot

    Hello, all :)
    I guess I’m just looking for validation to hold onto the relationship I had that I know was true, but was broken by my ex out of the blue almost 2 months ago. I’m 24M, he’s 21M, and we were dating for almost 6 months. In fact, our anniversary always took place during a full moon phase, which had unidentified significance to me...

    The night he broke up with me, he seemed depressed. He said he needed time to himself and to figure out what he wanted. I knew then and know now that I want the relationship to continue, though. He’s in his junior year of college and I know he’s young, so I assume school is taking much of his time and attention.

    A week later, we meet for drinks, and when I see him and look into his eyes, I see someone different than the guy I met. This new guy seems moved on from me... it hurt to see that. After drinks, we go to my car in the parking lot and I tell him that I still have feelings for him. He says that he believes we’re different people... I cry, and ask him if there is someone else he’s intimate with. He doesn’t say anything, but his body language implies that there is someone else. The energy in my car is intense, and he calls himself a “piece of ”.

    We continue talking about the relationship and I prove how honest I was with never cheating on him (because I love him so much) by showing him messages from guys who would be flirty with me while I was in a relationship. I never pursued those other guys because I am sure of my love for my ex. We make out in my car, and it feels real and nice. But when we take a break from kissing, he says he ‘doesn’t want to lead me on’. He leaves and we say ‘I love you’ to each other.

    Within the next month and a half, I message him only on Thanksgiving and Christmas. Our conversations are friendly and quick. Just recently, though, a friend from work has been aware of how down I am about this loss in my life. So, he suggests that he message my ex saying how awful I feel without him, and I believe it to be something of a last resort. So, my work-friend messages him in a mature way, saying something along the lines of ‘I can see how hurt he is without you. He cherishes the time you guys spent together and really loves/misses you. Maybe give him a call to catch up on things together.’

    My ex responds to him with something like, ‘I have moved on, to be honest. I am on a different path.’
    There really are no words to convey how hard of a loss this is... I immerse myself in dreams about this person who doesn’t seem to be in this world or universe anymore. Honestly, it’s like he has died in some way, and I deny that the person who still has the body and most of the personal attributes of my ex is really my ex. It seems like a demon or some other entity has taken control of his body. In complete shock and despair, I called my grandmother after reading what he said. I trust and love her so much, so it only made sense to turn to her for advice. She gave me two, very different solutions: one went something like ‘If he moved on, so should you. You can’t create a person the way you want them to be.’, and the other was ‘Well, he’s young. Maybe he’ll change his mind. Also, he messaged your friend, not you. Maybe he was upset/nervous to talk to someone he doesn’t really know, so he lied to him.’

    I’m here for further healing. This truly is the worst feeling and I still have some hope that I can get what I want. I don’t know if it’s dumb to have hope, but it still feels nice to have. Thank you so much for reading my story.
    Love, AJ

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this. Are you both from the same culture? What is the significance of the full moon? Is he strictly gay or does he date women as well? Give him space. Do not have coworkers pester him on your behalf. Give him space. He's very young and wants freedom and to explore things.
    Originally Posted by Linkkid185
    I’m 24M, he’s 21M, and we were dating for almost 6 months. In fact, our anniversary always took place during a full moon phase, which had unidentified significance to me...

    my work-friend messages him in a mature way, saying something along the lines of ‘I can see how hurt he is without you. He cherishes the time you guys spent together and really loves/misses you.

    My ex responds to him with something like, ‘I have moved on, to be honest. I am on a different path.’

  3. #3
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
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    AJ... always listen to the first words out of someone's mouth.

    Case in point... your ex, saying that he has moved on.

    Case in point... your grandmother saying that since he has moved on, it's time for you to move on.

    What your grandmother said about hope was just to make you feel better. Is there a minute possibility he will change his mind? Maybe. Do you really want to set your hopes on something that might never happen? Don't you want to have a relationship with someone that actually wants to be with you?

    If you do the math... calculating age, gender, sexual preferences, location, relationship status and chemistry, there are still literally hundreds of possibilities in the world beyond this one... you will only see them if you let go and close the door on your past.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    I think the longer you live in denial, the harder it gets. Get back in touch with your reality and separate yourself from the dream world. Every so often it's ok to reconnect with that dream world of fantasies and what ifs but don't set up residence there.

    Take your time to heal and don't rush yourself. Most of all, accept that it's over.

    There's new life after this.

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  6. #5
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    We are from the same culture. I don’t know why the full moon is significant— the date in which he asked me out had a full moon phase, I guess. I don’t know if he’s strictly gay, but I know he’s been with women before. Thanks for replying <3

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    But I know what I read in his eyes when I first met him was true. It’s not like I’m holding onto someone who truly doesn’t love me.

  8. #7
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    Originally Posted by Linkkid185
    But I know what I read in his eyes when I first met him was true. It’s not like I’m holding onto someone who truly doesn’t love me.
    Linkkid, he loved you once, yes, but now he has fallen out of that and wants to go exploring. You have to let him go.

    It would have assisted your healing process if you had not contacted him, and your friend had not, because all that achieved was for you to get hurt again, and reset the clock.

    Get yourself some new activities to keep you busy, hit the gym, and move forward.

  9. 12-29-2019, 05:57 PM

  10. #8
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    Its not healthy to feel someone is "destined" to be with you or that something is "true" when someone doesn't want to be in a relationship. Don't ask other people to talk to him for you, either. Please believe him when he says he has moved on.

    we were dating for almost 6 months. In fact, our anniversary always took place during a full moon phase

    anniversaries are usually measured by years, not months....

  11. #9
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    Originally Posted by ExcitedJese
    I will suggest you seek a medium help if you believe in spiritual work.
    Oh goodness, please don't.

    Originally Posted by Linkkid185
    But I know what I read in his eyes when I first met him was true. It’s not like I’m holding onto someone who truly doesn’t love me.
    you saw in his eyes that he was attracted to you. Now he doesn't want to be in a relationship. respect that.

  12. #10
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by ExcitedJese
    I will suggest you seek a medium help if you believe in spiritual work.
    Let me guess, you just so happen to have a link to the most awesome medium ever!!

    No spamming allowed on this site!

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